Any set of parents will be forced to make decisions and compromises when it comes to how they wish to raise their children. This becomes even more pronounced when it comes to long distance relationships, especially international ones.
Because international long distance relationships often bring together different cultures and religions, you and your partner can experience clashes from time to time when it comes to raising your children. Here are some things to be aware of if you and your long distance partner are thinking of having children together.
Having Children with Your Long Distance Partner & Agreeing on How to Raise Them
Without even realizing it, you are deciding how your child will speak and to some extent act depending on where you and your partner decide to settle. Move to Australia and your children will develop a lovely Aussie accent and probably follow cricket and rugby. Move to Canada and your children will probably say “Eh” and be great hockey players. Your children will of course acquire traits from both parents and may even learn to speak two different languages, but a person’s characteristics and personality is often largely based on the environment they find themselves growing up in. Where you and your partner decide to raise your children will determine the type of influences they are subjected to.
Often you may find yourself in a long distance relationship where you and your partner share different religious beliefs. Although you and your partner may have fallen in love despite your differing faiths, you may encounter disagreements when it comes to what religion you wish your children to be raised believing. For instance, one parent may have a strong wish to have their child baptized while the other is vehemently against it. One may wish for their male child to be circumcised while the other wishes him to remain as he was born.
It is my belief that parents should leave it to their children to decide for themselves what faith if any they wish to believe in later on, but of course the parents’ beliefs will most likely influence what faith their children will follow early on in their childhood. It may be wise in some cases to have your children raised under a religion that will best suit them in the region they live. For example, a city may offer catholic schools that offer a greater education and sense of safety for your child that the local public schools cannot match. If you find that the majority of people in your area follow a certain religion such as Islam, your child may be better accepted into the society if they follow the same beliefs and traditions.
Religion is and always will be a difficult topic to both discuss and make compromises on. Religion should be a personal belief and it should be your duty to put aside your individual beliefs if that means giving your partner and your children a better life. You are more than free to teach your children good values and teachings, but you mustn’t get too hung up on the specifics of a religion or your own personal views if it may place limits on your child.
Your children should be taught to accept the culture of wherever it is you and your partner decided to settle, along with being encouraged to learn where you and your partner came from as well. It can be beneficial to open your child’s mind to many ideas and cultures. They will be more well-rounded and more apt to be accepting towards others. Diversity is what makes many of our finest cities so wonderful.
Of course not all long distance relationships will involve large cultural differences and beliefs that often come with international relationships. Interstate relationships will share many of the same national beliefs and ideas, but there can still be discrepancies between states or regions.
Individual states generally have their own sets of laws and ways of life. This becomes especially apparent when you look at countries like the United States. Compare a state like Nebraska to New York for example. You and your family will lead completely different lives in these two places even though they are within the same country.
If you and your partner decide to settle in the city, your children will generally have easier access to more career options, a greater variety of entertainment options, and more resources available to them in terms of libraries, museums, and higher end schools. However, living in the city can have its drawbacks. Things like taking your kid fishing, horse riding, or simply exploring the woods in search of animals may not be possible without involving a long drive outside of the city. Big city life may also present safety issues for your children and may not allow you to purchase or rent a place with a big backyard for your children to play in.
As previously stated, the key to selecting your home’s location is to choose a place that works for both you and your partner. If you are planning on having kids, you then have to factor their needs into the equation as well. Raising children is all about making compromises and selecting a home that is right for your kids is one of those compromises.
The main thing to keep in mind despite all this advice is to understand that there is no single correct way for how or where you should raise your children. As long as you show your children love and respect, they can grow up to live fulfilling lives. Like anything in life, the more time and effort you put in, the better the results will be.
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2 Comments
This is such an interesting read. Long distance relationship is very hard, let alone having children in this mix.
Glad it was helpful for you Kevin, yes absolutely, it’s a completely different dynamic with children involved :)