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If you, like me, dedicate a large portion of your time to travel, and spend more time traveling than you are resident in your own country, you’re more than likely to meet someone overseas.
I’m Megan from Australia, and over the last 5 years I’ve spent an accumulation of 6 months out of every year abroad. So it’s not surprising that I met someone who would end up becoming my husband while traveling.
We had quite an incredible story, or so I’m told, which included making a long distance relationship work despite being separated by over 15,000 kilometres.
International Love: Maintaining a Long Distance Relationship
Our Story
We may have met in Africa (Tanzania actually), but I am Australian and Mike was from the US. I still love the reactions when people ask “so you’re from Australia and he’s from America, but you met in Africa??? “
After having both finished the Mt Kilimanjaro climb, we met through mutual travelers at the hotel at the bottom of the mountain. Before we knew it we had spent hours talking to each other and laughing together, and found ourselves sitting beneath a starry African sky in the early AM hours.
Dinner had turned into breakfast and we forced ourselves to say goodbye before heading towards separate flights. We swapped emails and phone numbers, not having any clue that our wedding in Hawaii would be less than three years later.
So how did we do it?
I firmly believe that you can make anything work if you want to. It’s that simple. That’s the big secret. If you truly want something to work, and you put everything you have into it, you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish. I wont lie – long distance for 18 months was incredibly hard, but we made it work for quite some time.
But no relationship is immune to the potential ravages of time, and that includes long distance relationships. While time finally caught up with our personal long distance relationship and saw it vanish nearly as quickly as it began, this often becomes a reality of all relationships these days.
Having experienced a long distance relationship ourselves, from its early beginnings until its eventual breakdown and everything in-between, it has allowed us to share every aspect of what you might expect including the many challenges, the benefits, and the difficulties that can arise should you decide to eventually part ways.
If you find the following advice helpful, we have written a comprehensive e-book with 128 pages of advice and insight into how your long distance relationship can be a success too.
We also have a free Facebook community you can join to to connect with other people who understand what you’re going through. More information at the end.
What Makes a Long Distance Relationship Work?
#1 Communication
We spoke every day. I got an amazing phone plan where I had unlimited calls to international mobiles, and we would talk for hours.
I would call around 11pm after getting home from work, meaning I would “apparently” sometimes fall asleep mid conversation :S, which meant Mike picked up his phone every morning around 6am in America.
Being forced to talk on the phone meant that we got to know each other a lot more intimately, and a lot more quickly than we otherwise would have.
A few months in, I may have had only spent 12 hours physically with this person, but I felt like I had known him for years. Skype video chat is also amazing.
Work out a time which works in both time zones and try to stick with it so you have consistency.
It is communication, or the lack thereof, that eventually sealed our relationship’s fate. It’s ironic how our communication was stronger when we were located on separate ends of the world and would only become strained years down the track when we were living under the same roof.
Hot Tip on Language & Communication
It’s common for there to be a language barrier for many LDR couples, even between Australia and America there was a considerable learning curve in communication!!
There are plenty of great language apps for learning a new language, though a fun and immersive way is to get fluent in your partner’s language by watching your favorite TV.
Lingopie is an app that lets you become fluent naturally by watching and listening to native speakers communicate on TV. There are 1000s of hours of TV and movies, and all shows come with 2 sets of subtitles.
The more you watch, the more you learn.
There are 9 languages; Spanish, French, German, Italian, Russian, Portugese, Japanese, Korean and English.
#2 Romance
You may not be able to go on traditional dates, however that’s not to say that you can’t keep the romance alive, even from 15,000 kilometers away.
After flying home from Africa and fitting back into “reality”, roses arrived for me on my first day back at work! Mike had gone online, found a florist in my area and ordered them to be delivered…from America! – to which my mother’s reaction when I got home that evening was;
“How long did you spend with this guy? 12 hours? Megan you must have been amazing in bed!”. Awkward!
Over the months there were a constant string of romantic emails, chocolates, mixed CD’s, letters, pair of studs, and even pizza!! (Pro tip – you can find coupon codes for gifts to keep your costs down via sites like CouponHunt).
One hotel reception shift I had a pizza delivery man come in at lunch and drop off a Large Hawaiian, bottle of Fanta and chocolate lava cake; all which had been ordered and paid for by Mike online, from America!!
60 days out from us meeting in Scotland for New Years 2011 I received a box which had 60 letters; one each day until we met up! It might sound horribly corny, and you may now wish to throw up, but seriously – don’t underestimate the power of being sickly sweet!!
My Fav Romantic Ideas
#1: Friendship Lamps
Friendship Lamps are a really cool way to add some romance into a long distance relationship. It’s a super simple concept – you both have one, and when you tap your lamp, your partner’s lamp will turn on, on the other side of the country or world!
You can send each other colors, convey messages, and this small but really simple concept is a great way to bridge the gap in the distance that separates you!
It’s a metaphor of sorts too – when the light goes on you know they’re thinking about you – you instantly light up when the literal light turns on, and it’s a visual representation of their presence, even when you can’t physically see them.
The lamps operate off Wi-Fi, so you simply plug in your Friendship Lamp and establish a Wi-Fi connection. It’s super easy to set up, literally all it needs is the touch of a hand to connect with someone you love.
Click here to buy a pair of Friendship Lamps and surprise your partner!
#2 Romantic 2 in 1 Map
Romantic maps are a great gift – once again, a simple concept, but a really beautiful way to remind each other that you’re connected, even if you’re cities apart.
Mapness.io makes these, and it’s super easy to customize the map with your own text, and your own cities. Jump over to their website and look for the ‘Custom City Map Poster 2 in 1’, where you’ll fill in the details of each location, and any text you want to add.
You can also customize and change the center symbol, so it could be a plane, a heart, or an & based on your choice. There are 4 options for sizing, and you can order it with or without the frame (without a frame it comes as a poster).
Here’s a screenshot of how easy it is to order – the maps generate for you once you add your locations, and you can zoom in or out on it to choose a specific part of the city to feature.
Order one for each of you, and hang it on your walls!
Click here to order a romantic two city map and surprise your partner. Use the code: MAPPINGMEGAN on checkout to get a $5 USD discount.
#3 Meeting Up
Surprisingly, it does actually help when you consistently catch up with the person!
Mike and I took our circumstances as a great opportunity to travel and met up with each other around the world, staying in a nice romatic vacation home whenever we had the chance.
After meeting initially in August 2010, we went to Scotland for that Christmas, and toured London, Amsterdam and Paris. He then came to Australia in April 2011 and spent a month with my friends and family before proposing!
The first trip we took together was a small group tour, and this was a good way to travel together but also have the safety net of a group of people to fall back on if we also needed a bit space. Check out this post for the 7 Best Small Group Tour Companies for International Travel around the World.
Romantic ski trip vacations are also a great idea for long distance relationships, as they build trust and communication between partners, and being so cold there are plenty of opportunities to then snuggle up!
We spent two weeks in London in June of that year, and he was back in Australia in October for our engagement party and we used this chance to plan a trip to Moreton Island together. I spent Christmas and New Years in America with him, and he moved to Australia on a 12 month work/travel visa in May of 2012.
We got married in Hawaii on Valentines day 2013 and settled in America. During our long distance relationship, we met on average every 3 or so months.
We both worked 2 jobs to pay for all of our travel; 16 hour days, in my case while at the same time studying Journalism and Law full time at university and still maintaining a pretty impressive social life.
My Fav Accommodation for Meeting Up
When we started meeting up, we initially booked accommodation in fun, unique hotels, like a castle in Scotland, and a luxury room overlooking Times Square.
But when you’re spending all your time with the other person and don’t necessarily want to get out of bed (you get the gist!), it becomes a bit of a hassle to break your romantic bubble and share breakfast with 100 other hotel guests.
So we quickly realized that holiday homes are the best.
When you have a whole private home to yourself, you can stock the fridge once, and cook each other breakfast in bed (and the nice thing about a vacation home is that clothing while cooking is optional!)
The privacy and seclusion of vacation homes allows you to spend the most immersive, quality time with each other, without housekeeping interupting your stay, or other guests being noisy next door. ANd you can get amazing homes, with pools, hot tubs, wine cellars.
We use plumguide.com who have a massive collection of vacation homes around the world, and there are some pretty spectacular options.
Click here to check out holiday homes for your next meet up.
#4 Don’t Listen to Negativity!
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me my relationship was doomed I would be set for life. Despite people’s doubts and criticism, we were able to maintain our long distance relationship for many years and ultimately were able to close the gap and live as husband and wife.
Despite our union eventually coming to an end, the reality is we were able to make a life together for nearly 10 years, which falls right within the median duration of a marriage (8-12 years) for those couples who do decide to eventually divorce.
Listen to what your friends and family have to say, sure, but thank them for their opinion and continue living your life. Hope that your union will last forever, but be mindful again that any relationship can break down and prepare yourself for what that may mean in a long distance relationship.
Family rumors circulated amongst the extended family that I was heading off for Christmas in Scotland with someone I had met on the internet (although let’s be honest I’ve met worse guys “conventionally” in bars and nightclubs than I have online); that Mike was actually 60; and I had friends who went as far to enlighten me in detail as to how I was going to end up raped and murdered, chopped up into little pieces in a garbage disposal in some dark alley.
I was continually told that there was no way he was being faithful to me 15,000 kilometers away, and that I was wasting my time and being ridiculous. According to my friends Mike was creepy because of the roses and pizza and mixed CD’s he would send.
I had a group of friends in my backyard at a party re-enact the “No Gary No” add specifically for me as an “intervention”. (Watch the add on YouTube).
However all of the negativity stopped of course when invitations to Hawaii were sent out and suddenly everyone had always been cheering for our relationship from the start!
Conclusion: LDR’s CAN Work
So in summary, take it from me – long distance relationships work if you want them to. We have had a pretty crazy, whirlwind relationship – but for a great while, it worked for us, and it had to be whirlwind because of our situation.
If you’re after more advice, we have written a comprehensive e-book to provide you with detailed knowledge of how your long distance relationship can be a success too.
Over 128 pages we explore long distance love from your first contact to the moment you are together for good and find that distance is no longer an issue. More information about the e-book below.
The Ultimate How To Guide on Surviving Long Distance Love
$19.99
This book takes a deep look into the subject of long distance relationships and offers practical advice, as well as authentic real life experiences and observations from our own relationship. Ultimately we succeeded in closing the distance gap and were able to live our lives together.
Each chapter will explore a different aspect of how a relationship can be affected by long distance and includes topics such as marriage, sex, having children, meeting family and friends, and immigration issues. Mike and I will both give our insights into our experience dealing with a long distance relationship as we take turns tackling each chapter.
Whether you’re young or old, male or female, gay or straight, it is our sincere hope that this book offers practical and realistic insight into what you might expect. Let this book offer you hope that your long distance relationship can be just as successful as ours had been.
$19.99
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Long Distance Relationship Article Index
Index to Our Other Popular Long Distance Relationship Articles
General Long Distance Relationship Advice
International Love: Maintaining a Long Distance Relationship
Long Distance Relationships Most Frequently Asked Questions
The Ultimate How To Guide for Long Distance Relationships
Best New Long Distance Relationship Books 2021
Making a Long Distance Relationship Work Through Travel
Starting a Long Distance Relationship
How to Start a Long Distance Relationship
When to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Official
Communication & Building Trust in a Long Distance Relationship
Meeting Your Long Distance Partner In-Person
Long Distance Relationships that Start Online Where You Haven’t Met
Meeting Your Online Long Distance Relationship Boyfriend or Girlfriend for the First Time
Where, When, and How to Meet Up With Your Long Distance Partner
Long Distance Dating and How Often Should You Meet Up With Your Long Distance Partner
Sex in Long Distance Relationships
The Ultimate Guide to Long Distance Relationship Sex with Helpful Tips and Secrets
Jealousy, Cheating, and Breaking-Up
Dealing with Jealousy in Long Distance Relationships
Signs Your Long Distance Girlfriend or Boyfriend May be Cheating on You
Signs Your Online Long Distance Relationship May be Fake or Unhealthy
Arguing and Fighting with your Long Distance Relationship Partner
Introducing Your LDR partner to Family and Friends
Introducing Your Long Distance Boyfriend or Girlfriend to Your Friends and Family
When Family and Friends Don’t Support Your Long Distance Relationship
Relocation and Immigration Issues When Moving to Be With Your LDR Partner
Moving to Live With Your Long Distance Relationship Partner
Moving in Long Distance Relationships : Relocation and Immigration
Adjusting to Your New Life with Your Long Distance Partner After Relocating
Marriage and Divorce
Getting Engaged or Married to Your Long Distance Relationship Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Getting Divorced in a Long Distance Relationship
Signs Your Long Distance Relationship May be Ending or Breaking Down
Children
Dealing With Children in Long Distance Relationships
Long Distance Relationships & Having Children from a Past Relationship
Having Children with Your Long Distance Relationship Partner
Young Adult Long Distance Relationships
Young Love and Long Distance Relationships
LGBTQ+ Long Distance Relationships
Advice and Tips on LGBT Long Distance Relationships and Same-Sex Marriage
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If you would like to stay in touch, or have a direct line to ask us for advice on your situation, we invite you to join our Facebook group called “Long Distance Relationships: Advice & Support Group”.
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605 Comments
oh wow! such a romantic story. I think you’re lucky having a husband, who will order you a pizza from miles away.
I’m not that keen on long distance relationships (my marriage broke because I traveled), but I guess some people can make it work. I’m really happy for you!
Thanks Jo! He’s definitely a keeper :D It was definitely a difficult period of time – especially towards the end of the 2 yr period of time, and I don’t know if we would have lasted much longer being apart honestly!! But somehow it worked.
Really sorry to hear about your marriage – I do hope you’re still traveling though if it’s something you love to do!
Meg
I love your story – not sure if mine will turn out the same but went on trip to meet someone overseas we met online – and we got along well… I am leaving up to him – and going about my life…. If we r still single after couple years who knows :)
I have children so cant move now… May not be anything idk … But he wanted me to meet parents friends kids … But didnt take pictures with me which bummed me out but / i didnt say anything… He makes me laugh and i like him touching me felt comfortable with him right away – again luv your story;)
Hi Pam! Congrats on meeting a great guy! Sounds like you have a pretty good approach to the situation – let your relationship develop and grow, and as you said, if you’re still a couple after a few years then it was meant to be.
I’ve found that life usually has a way of working out in ways we never could have even thought up. And I wouldn’t worry too much about the pictures right now – he could just not be a pictures kind of guy. Mike isn’t either – I have to force him to take pictures with me lol!!
Wishing you all the best in your relationship and for the new year X
Oh thank you…I’m trying to maybe find a job with the Airlines – so I can maybe travel;)
Our Chat room romance Australia/America according to everyone was also doomed. This year we will celebrate our 17 th anniversary by moving to Australia.I(wife) moved to the States and now we move to my home hometown to be with our two beautiful Granddaughters. Bless you both live long and happy xx
Congratulations Trisha! Congrats on 17 years, that’s so fantastic! I really do think that having the strength and courage to keep going when everyone you know is sprouting nothing but negativity is one of the biggest hurdles.
So glad everything worked out for you. Here’s to another amazing 17 years and beyond :)
Love this story I’m going through the same thing just a little different I meet this girl online she found me and we started talking it’s now 7 months in and we’ve fallen for each other, I stay in america and she stays in the Caribbean this june I plan on going to spend time with her but right now I getting all the negativity from family and friends I’m still going to do what makes me happy but your story has giving me hope thanks for sharing. Rosie
Hi Rosie, thanks for sharing your story … congrats on finding someone special!
I always tried to keep in mind that the negativity from friends and family is just coming from a place of love, it’s because they care for you, but also because it’s something they don’t understand.
Stay strong, let them know you respect their opinion but this is what you feel is right for you.
All the best – happy travels in June!
I’m now in the same situation with someone. I met him here in Belgium where I am working as Au-pair. We have four weeks left before I have to go and neither of us had plan on how we gonna see each other again, we are scared so we say let’s stay friends and in contact, but it’s not realy what we want…
Higreat story,hapoy for you both.I recently started dating long distance he is an amazing guy,but very old School am in my 40’s and his in his 50′ so communcation is a bit of a challange,i need help on how to get him to use morden communication….lol,skype ,video calling etc.I aslo wanted to know if. You guys had a plan as to how long you will spend apart before you next meet up? Thanks
Hi Raziya, congrats on meeting a great guy :)
Does he have any children who could set up Skype or Facetime for him? I think it’s generally the set up stage which is most overwhelming when you’re unsure of technology, and once he realizes how easy it is to use after that I’m sure he’ll be using it every day! Or perhaps you could talk him through the set up over the phone. It’s probably just not knowing how to download everything and sign up for an account etc.
We tried to meet up every 3 -4 months, which always gave us something to look forward to which wasn’t too far away :)
Hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best X
Hi! My name is Brooklyn and I’m a Casting Director at Sharp Entertainment. I’m casting for a new docu-series that may interest some of you – I’m looking for women who are in an online/long distance relationship with someone overseas AND planning to meet them for the FIRST TIME! Please email me so we can chat more about it – Brooklyn@sharpentertainment.com
Hi I recently met someone in Tanzania in Africa and she wants to come to Scotland to live with me but I have no clue on what to do so any advice would greatly appreciated. And also we love each other please help
Hi Mark, congrats on meeting someone :) The process of her coming to live with you will greatly depend on the options for UK immigration, so I would start by looking into the different types of Visas she might be able to apply for to spend time with you in Scotland.
This could mean spending a year first and then opting for something more permanent, but the first step will be to figure out what your options are and go from there.
Hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best.
really but how can I get a serious relationship and how can get a white lady in my because that’s my dream and where s she really if your there please contact me
HI Julius, all advice here is for those already in a long distance realtionship. Unfortunately we don’t have tips or experience on how to meet someone. Wishing you all the best.
Really sorry dear,may God amend your broken heart Amen
Thank you so much for your bravery. Not just for telling your story but for your dedication and your relationship.
As I write this I am sitting at the Brisbane airport waiting for my sister whom I will stay with tonight bef ore flying to Kentucky tomorrow.
I am going to spend three months with the love of my life. We met 19 years ago in an msn chat room. He was in the Navy back then and we had five glorious days together when his ship came to Western Australia where I was living at the time.
We tried to keep our relationship going but we both had young children at the time so we decided we would try to move on without the other.
Thanks to Facebook we reconnected once or twice about 10 years ago but as we were both in relationships we didn’t take it any further.
Almost three years ago I read on his Facebook page that he and “her” had broken up. It killed me to hear him so unhappy and depressed but I believe we are friends first and I supported him through his grief until we had a quarrel and we stopped talking.
Imagine my surprise when in February this year he called me out of the blue!! (thanks messenger!).
He had had a health scare and told me that I was the only person he wanted or needed to talk to???
Everyday since we have spoken on the phone and text constantly. We average around four hours talking each day and we talk about everything and anything!
We believe that God created everybody a perfect partner and we are each others!
So, at 50 and 52 years of age we are beginning the long journey with immigration etc. so we can finally wake up in each others arms everyday and not be constantly carrying a phone and looking for the closest power socket!
I love you with all of my heart baby and I am honored to be in your life. I will work everyday of my life to make you as happy as you make me. xxxxx
Hi Mandi, thanks for reaching out and sharing your incredible story – I’m so happy for you that you’ll be reuniting with the love of your life!!
Wishing you a safe flight to Kentucky and a wonderful life together XXX
Can you help me with my relationship from the Philippines
Hi Percy, happy to respond to any questions you have :)
O man, that’s the sweetest story. Love the romantic gestures! Stories like this only happen in the movies! :)
Thanks Jules! He swept me away that’s for sure!!
Amen
I hope you told your mom, “Mom, I just wanted to make you proud!”
Lol something like that!
Loved this! There’s def a few good men out there, even if you have to travel around the world to find them.
I met mine in Tanzania and I’m in Canada. Long distance can work. Great tips. Communication and ignoring the negativity are key ❤
Thanks Roza! Sounds like Tanzania is the place to be!! So awesome to hear a positive long distance experience from someone else as well! Congrats!
Oh wow, i’m Tanzanian, met my now 2 years boyfriend in Zanzibar. He’s German, we were lucky because he had a whole year stay in my country, and met him at the very beginning when he got here. We are now 1 year long distance, been traveling to Germany to see him. As Meg says, it really works if you want it to. I’m so happy knowing that we’re not alone.
Congrats on meeting someone so wonderful Eather – it’s so fabulous that you got to really maximize your time together while he was in Tanzania :) I hope you have a wonderful time visiting him in Germany :)
This just made me feel so relieved that this can happen. I very recently broke up with my bf because of my long term travel plans. I’m so glad and happy that you found someone who is in love with you and traveling as you are. I know it will happen for me one day and I can’t wait to find someone who loves to travel like me and loves me for me.
Thanks for your comment Laura…I’m really sorry to hear about your relationship. Really impressed with your positive attitude towards life – someone will come along when you genuinely least expect it in circumstances that you least expect – trust me! Until then though enjoy your travels!
Safe travels! xx
You could definitely find out some one
Hi Laura I agree with you..Megan’s story is a blessing I will say it’s not easy but I pray to God he gives me too the same opportunity actual yam seek for a love or someone to date aboard can we chat Laura ?
Hey Megan can you please email me? I need your guidance!
HI Karolina – my email is megan@mappingmegan.com – you are welcome to reach out :)
Hey I also likes the tour trips etc contact me on my WhatsApp number
00923145305535
Hi Laura and heloo.. meg I found a female before one and half year through a massager site (imo) everything was going fine we spend lots of time in video call she live in UK and I’m in India we both express our feelings and our past she is married and she also broken heart from another male but I don’t think about it she told me she loves me so much you know love is blind I DNT care because i was intrstd to love her Marry her I can’t travel because I have a problem for some time ( a court case) I told her I sourt out early my problem I will apply for visa she says ok no problem SUNNY I’m with you in all conditions many times she talk with my mother and sister I send her many gifts greeting cards we continue our phone call in a day approximately 16_18 hour because I was free from job I always do everything what she want suddenly she ask me sunny join another job a said ok no problem after I join new job i was busy now after six month she is totly change she is not available to talk with me she has not time to read my massage many times I try to talk what is problme why you ignoreing me but now everything is finish she broke my heart I’m fully stressed by her ????… Why she cheat me what is my fault I always gave her my best but everything is finsish my totally alone feeling so much lonely .,…… Everyone is not lucky god knows everything ….,. ?????? !!!
Hi Sunny, sorry to hear about your troubles – sometimes people simply grow apart and it’s of no fault of your own – it sounds like you treated her very well from what you’ve said here.
Ignoring someone is the worst way to treat your partner, so if she’s completely changed and no longer has time for your calls you need to try and speak to hear to find out what’s going on, so you can get an answer from her either way about what shes thinking and feeling, and whether she’s still invested in the relationhip. If she’s not invested in the relationship anymore, you need to know so you can start taking steps to move on. You don’t deserve the stress of someone keeping you in limbo.
Wishing you all the best :)
nice story.
Thankyou!
I agree with so much of what you said. People have a thing for negativity and thinking things won’t work out. You gotta use that and prove them wrong. I am in a long distance relationship (Canada-USA mind you we try to see eachother every month or so) and have been for a year. My boyfriend does the cutest things. He orders me food when I’m sick and gets it delivered to my house, sends me flowers at work, arranges skype movie dates (he drops movie in my dropbox and we watch it together) and stuff like that. It can and does work. I’d rather see him once a month than have anyone else at home everyday. :)
Thanks Nath :) Aww – seriously sounds like you have a keeper there! Sounds like the kid of stuff Mike would do when we were living apart! And sometimes absence makes the heart grow stronger!! Hold onto that one ;)
All the best with your relationship – sounds like you both have the right attitude towards making it work :)
It’s a relief to read a reassuring story for once. I’ve met my man at home here in the US, but I’ll be leaving in July for a year-long trip around the world while he finishes his PhD. He’ll be meeting me 3-4 times along the way, but the time we’ll be spending apart is daunting. Thanks for providing some silver lining for me!
Congratulations! Honestly, with you both being busy and having your own thing going on the time will fly by so quickly and before you realize it you’ll be together again! That was the one great thing about our relationship – even though we were so far apart, we both had super busy work schedules and had our own projects to focus on while we were apart. So one of us wasn’t bored alone if that makes sense.
And absence makes the heart grow stronger – you’ll cherish the 3-4 trips you do get to see each other and they’ll mean a lot more :)
Beat of luck to you :)
I met my fiancé when I studied abroad in Florence Italy fall 2011 On Halloween I made him wait two weeks before I even kissed him. I had to leave for America two weeks later. He proposed on thanksgiving. I came back to America where people have nothing but negative things to say. To make you want to give up on even trying. But not it is 2 1/2 years later and we are still together. Hard times come and go. We have seen each other for a total of three months. If you add up all the times we have traveled to see each other. But like you said visas are a pain and he can’t get one to visit America. Never let anyone change your mind. Love is always worth taking a chance.
Well let me be the first to say that I know you’ll make it!! I’m sorry that you have to experience so much negativity, trust me though when I say it’s an incredibly amazing feeling to be giving your wedding speech in front of all of those who doubted you!!
I absolutely love your attitude and wish there were more people like you in the world! I always used to tell those who made negative comments that I probably knew this person more than they knew their own partner – because the distance meant we were forced to get to know each other and not base our relationship on the physical. To last we had to be able to maintain an actual conversation…every night!!
I wish you the very best – you have the right attitude, and what I’ve come to realize is that everything has a way of working itself out.
You’re absolutely right – love is always worth taking a chance! Happy travels xx
Loved your story. I’m actually in a long-distance relationship myself. I’m in the LA-area and she’s in BC (Canada), so we’re at least in the same timezone. We skype everyday and it certainly helps. We manage to see each other about once a month but it is hard not having her with me more often.
Thanks Adam! And congrats – it’s definitely hard, but I promise the relationship will be stronger for it. I found being forced to speak on the phone meant we had to build a relationship based on something more than just the physical, and I think that’s a large part of why we’re still together today :)
Best of luck to you both – I swear the time will fly and you’ll start to forget you were ever apart!
Beautiful love story
Thanks Faith :)
I’m leaving Madrid this summer, and my boyfriend is staying to finish his PhD. I’m pretty nervous about it. I have faith in us, but reading success stories like your’s and Mike’s is encouraging.
Estrella, I’m in the same boat exactly: I’m leaving to travel for a year while my boyfriend stays home to finish his PhD! We should start a support group ;-)
Small world!! Congrats to both of you! Well take it from me that it can work and it can be done! There’s way too much negativity out there that it’s often refreshing to hear some encouragement for a change!!
I’ve learnt that everything has a way of working out if you just let it; just don’t let negativity get in your head and do what feels right to you :)
Best of luck guys!
Such a beautiful story and I’m so pleased you guys stuck to your guns – only the couple know the relationship. Strangely I wrote a similar post about dealing with relationships at university, different situation but similar advice after my own experiences.. http://absolutelylucy.wordpress.com/2014/02/14/relationships-whats-it-really-like-to-have-a-boyfriend-at-university/
Thanks Lucy – and i completely agree with ‘only the couple know the relationship’. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Heading over to check out your post now. Thanks for the link!
What a great story, my long distance partner and I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half now, and we definitely agree with what you said here. Communication is one of the most vital aspects of a long distance relationship, and if you get it right, you can have an amazing long distance relationship! Long distance relationships can work, if you want them too! Well done, :)
Thanks Chris – I’m so glad you can relate to the post and our tips, and congrats on your successful long distance relationship!
I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well – completely agree; if you do it right, it can lead to amazing things!
All the best – thanks for sharing your story!
Hi Megan. Your story gives me hope at a time when i seem to not have much. My partner moved to Ireland (after a farm was left to him by a deceased relative) and i just returned from my second holiday there. We were both living in Australia when we met.
We are currently facing the “who moves” situation. Im very close to my mum and dad here in Australia and couldn’t imagine living so far away from them and of course my partner has pressure to look after the farm (its a pretty big deal he got it) so he feels like he can’t walk away from it. We are stuck and just don’t know how to make a decision, any suggestions? we have been together for 22 months now and 16 months of that in an LDR.
We have such a deep love and devotion for each other but i feel like we don’t have a plan and we are just wasting time back and forth. We need to have a ultimate goal and I’m scared and just don’t know what to do… such heartache being apart!
Hi Emilia, I’m so glad you can find hope in our story; the “who moves” scenario is always a tough one, though if you know in your gut that this is the person you truly want to spend the rest of your life with I promise the move will work out.
I’m also very close to my family in Australia, and have some very young nephews who it breaks my heart to be so far away from, though honestly with the technology we have nowadays it’s so easy to stay in touch, and I regularly have mum and dad on Facetime and Skye Video chat for free – it’s like I never left…they even set up their iPad at the dinner table sometimes if I call in the middle of family dinner nights!!
If you’ve been together for 22 months and you’ve made it through 16 months of LDR it would be a shame to see that end because of location. I honestly recommend to make the jump – Ireland is such a beautiful country and it’s very similar to Australia in many respects so there’s not a whole lot of culture shock in that respect. Yes, living and settling into a different country takes time to adjust, but it’s always worth it for the love of your life.
I try and live by the motto that the only things in life we regret are the things we didn’t do; so even if you make the jump and it doesn’t work out, you can’t say you didn’t give it your all and you’ll never wonder “what if”.
Get your family to download Skype or purchase an iproduct with Facetime and stay in touch via video chat, and then they’ve got a great reason to visit Ireland too :D
Wishing you all the best – feel free to reach out if you have any other questions at all; email is megan@mappingmegan.com – the greatest risks are those most worth while.
xxx
I’m in a long-distance relationship. It’s hard but it’s possible. You only have to want to go through this. I met my Polish girlfriend online and we just started to talk… Then I realized I fell in love! She is amazing :D We are together since 8 months and it’s the best time in my life. We are trying to see each other as often as it’s possible, we talk to each other everyday… You can do it if you only want :) :)
So glad to hear that you’re in a happy relationship Alan – congrats! And absolutely – long distance will work if you want to make it so – it’s often difficult though I truly believe that the long distance strengthens your bond even more.
Wishing you both all the best :)
This is a great story!! And i think i can relate to its quiet well. I am from Australia and am currently dating a guy from America. It is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but also the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change it, i love our story. He’s just been here to visit me and i already have a countdown on until i go there to visit him. I use to think these LDR were too hard to work, but they really aren’t. Its just second nature now. :)
Thankyou Laura! And absolutely – you think that a LDR is too hard when you’re on the outside, but honestly if it’s right and with the right person, it can be the easiest and most natural thing in the world. That’s not to say it’s not hard, though it becomes your new normal before you even realize.
Best wishes to both you and your man – let me know if you end up trying to navigate through the immigration paperwork for America; we’ve done both ways now, me to there and Mike to Aus and it’s a LOT to navigate, but totally doable by yourself if you’re meticulous and do the right kind of research :) Always happy to help!
I loved reading your story. If gave me some hope which I need and encouragement. I’m only 22 and my bf is 21. He’s in Australia and I’m in Vancouver, Canada! Anyway, we met while he was on exchange here… And it was all just fun and games, or that’s what I told myself but then we ended up really liking each other. We were supposed to end things but didn’t quife happen. I have plans to go see him when I graduate! For 3 months then I have to come back to work, but who knows right? I like him more than anyone I’ve ever dated in Vancouver. Even when people tell me there’s plenty of fish in the see and all that crap, I know they don’t really understand, so I ignore it. I think you are right when you say if you want it you have to work for it. So I try really hard, it’s gotten easier and not as bad as I thought. Every time we skype it reminds me how much I like him. I wish he was here. But it’s so sweet how your husband did all those romantic things for you! I think I am more of the romantic one. He is caring but less romantic. I wish for a bit more romance but I think it comes more naturally for some people.. So I will just have to try to plant ideas for him :p. But congratulations on your marriage! Hopefully one day I can write a similar happy fate to my story!
Hi Teddybear – I’m so glad that we could provide you with some hope and encouragement! I’m a very strong believer in that if you both want it to work then it will work. Yes, totally takes commitment and a hard haul, though as you said yourself, you find it getting easier after a while, and talking via Skype or on the phone becomes your new normal, and second nature. I am actually truly thankful for our long distance relationship as our circumstances really made us forced to communicate with each other and all we could do was talk. I think that built a really solid foundation for our relationship today :)
And I’m so glad that you’re strong enough to shake off the “plenty of fish in the sea” comments – no-one will truly understand unless they’re in your situation, and if you know you’ve caught the right one then hold on with everything you’ve got :) Geography shouldn’t get in the way of a great love.
Lol I agree – some people are more romantic than others, though you can definitely plant a few ideas :D That being said, the fact that he’s Skyping every day and being sweet and caring from across the world, that in itself I think is very romantic :)
Wishing you both the absolute best of luck :) XXX
I’m leaving for Australia in February leaving my girlfriend in Nigeria. We both sure we wanna do this tho we’ve never been in a long distance before. Reading your own story gives me hope beacuase not seeing someone you so care about for 10months seems so hard. Thanks for the encouragement and I sure won’t mind occasional tips on how to spark things up :)
Hi Kazie
Firstly, hope you have a wonderful time in Australia. It’s a fabulous country and everyone here is very welcoming, so I’m sure you’ll feel at home :)
And it’s absolutely possible to make a relationship work, even though yes, being apart from the one you love for that long is definitely hard. This was my first long distance relationship, I had refused actually to be in one before I met Mike, as I thought it would have been too hard, though when I met mike there was just something different, and it didn’t feel like work making it work…if that makes sense.
So I really do believe that if you have found the right person you can overcome anything, including being apart and maintaining your relationship long distance.
Wishing you all the very best :)
Great post and an excellent love story! I agree completely with not listening to negative comments. I heard so many when Scott moved to Korea, at the time I had just gotten a new job and wasn’t ready to move. We spent a few months doing the long distance relationship from California to Seoul and at times it was tough, but honestly it made our relationship stronger. Long story short, I quit my job and was on a plane to Korea after only 4 months and now we are traveling together.
Thanks Megan – so glad to hear your love story worked out also! The negativity and the peer pressure from everyone around you can definitely be intense, so you’ve certainly got to be strong in your convictions about making it work and knowing in your heart that it’s the path yo want to pursue. And the distance absolutely makes you stronger.
So glad to hear another happy story! Congrats to you both – I’ve always said travel is the one thing which will make or break a relationship lol if you can travel together and survive then you’re compatable for just about anything :D! Enjoy the road!
This story really gave me hope. I’m dating a guy I met some time back when I was on holiday. We maintained contact since then and recently started dating. It is a long distance and the time difference between our places is an hour. That doesn’t seem like much but the problem is our work schedules are crazy, especially his (14 to 15 hours a day!!). So we don’t get to talk much. He usually texts me before leaving to work and sometimes during his breaks and I do the same. But some days we don’t get to talk at all and this is really difficult. And we also have a language barrier which makes communication even more difficult. Despite all this we’re trying to make things work. I try my best to not allow negativity to creep in but sometimes I just can’t help it. I never told any of my friends about this yet because I know that all they would do is advice me on how I can’t trust him and I can find someone much better who is closer to me. I don’t know if it will last or not but I just want to give it a shot. Any advice on how I can make things a little easier?
Hi Tracy, so glad our story could provide you with hope :) I totally understand the stresses with a hectic work schedule and maintaining a LDR – even though ours was something stupid like a 16 hour time difference, we both worked two jobs and ridiculous hours at that time, so a lot of the time when I would call Mike would be at work and we’d be having conversations which would stop and start depending on when customers were in the shop!!
My advice there would be to perhaps try and schedule times to talk – as in figure out a time every few days or once a week which works for both of you and block it out in each of your calendars, just as you would for a date. It’s difficult, but that little bit of extra time pre organizing your time on the phone also gives you something to look forward to :)
If you don’t get to talk at all, really try and keep it alive with texts, or perhaps even emails and that way you can both talk back and forth when you each individually get the chance.
So psyched to hear that you’re trying to make it work though, because as you said yourself, even if it ends up not having worked out, you still gave it a shot. And that’s the most important thing. If you never give anything a shot you’ll never move forward in life – and who’s to say that you don’t belong together. It might just work out.
My advice would be to keep the communication alive anyway possible, and if you can’t talk because of work schedules start doing emails, texts and why not even a letter or two via snail mail or a postcard as something fun :) Try and organize to meet up if that’s possible, even if it’s only once every 4 months like we did – gives you both something to look forward to.
And if you do tell your friends don’t listen to their negativity. Because only you know whats right for you, and just because someone else may be closer geographically doesn’t mean they’re your perfect fit :)
Wishing you both all the best :) XX
Hi this is my story, i went on holiday 4 years ago to Gran Canaria a Spanish island 4 years ago, i went with my daughter and we used to go in a bar we liked and there was a guy who worked there who we got friendly with. I did’nt realise that he liked me and never thought that he always came to sit with me when his shit was over because he liked me, anyway the holiday ended and 5 months later we went back and saw him again in the bar. He told me he really liked me and was always so excited to see me. I did’nt think much of it and went home. 2 years later we went back which was 6 weeks ago and there he was again working in the bar, when he saw us he was so happy and i looked at him and thought why have i not got to know you more. Anyway we spent every night i went in together and realised i really liked him. We had a few kisses and that was it, he asked me if i wanted to go back to his but never did, he was ok with that. Since i got home we have messaged a lot and i really miss him, he misses me too so i’ve booked to go back in December which is 5 months away. I can’t wait to see him again and feel so strongly for him, i don’t know how far this will go and it’s expensive for me to travel i’m not a very rich person so financially it is hard but i need to see him again. He’s 45 and i’m 55 so whether it could ever work i don’t know, he might look at me and think old woman!! But he’s always done the chasing. I never have a relationship and it’s so nice to be attractive to someone. Who knows what will happen, i’ll have to come on here after we meet in December, my stomache churns when i think of him.
Hi Julie, thanks for sharing your story.
It sounds like an incredible connection to have spanned so many years – he obviously feels strongly for you, especially as he was respectful on the night you did finally embrace each other. And he obviously knows you have a daughter, and as you said, he’s the one who chased you, and his interest hasn’t waned in all these years, so I think it’s safe to say that he sees you as a beautiful woman, and feels a strong connection too :)
Wishing you both all the best – as you said, who knows what will happen, but the main thing is that you’re staying open to the possibility of where it could lead.
I hope you have an amazing trip in December!
Beautiful story! Thanks for sharing the tips about how to communicate with your long distance sweetheart. I totally agree with you that we should never listen to the negative naysayer. There’s always someone who will try to say that LDR won’t work. Don’t listen to them and keep the faith.
Thanks Liem! So glad you enjoyed our story. And absolutely – I think that the negative Nancy’s are actually the most difficult part – even more-so than the distance!! Though those who can keep going despite that and come out the other end usually reap the rewards!
What a beautiful love story. Thanks for sharing! I am also in an international long distance relationship as we met in Florida when he was here for some work. We were together for 8 months before he went back to the western hemisphere to work in the Mediterranean. We have been doing the long distance portion for about 10 months. You completely nailed it on the negativity portion. Friends and family often question if he is the right one for me. Your blog was definitely something I needed to read!
Thankyou Vivian! I’m so glad to hear your LDR is going strong too, and I’m glad to hear we could offer some probably much needed positivity for you – the only person who knows if he’s right for you is you, it’s very difficult for other people to understand when they’re not in your same situation. You always think it’s too difficult until you experience it first hand.
Stay strong and keep at it – wishing you both all the best :) XX
Wow, I’m so glad I came across your story! I met this guy on a two-week study abroad program in China, who I am absolutely head over heels for. We had a similar story where we talked to the early hours of the morning, about things even some of my friends at home don’t know. We got so incredibly close and just infatuated that all our friends on the trip and abroad claimed it was the beginning of our love story and we were going to get married one day. I’m not the super commitment type, but I’m even fairly certain I’ll marry him if I can. Coming home and back to reality and talking to my friends about it, the reality of that happening seems hard, but I really want to make it work. We’ve texted everyday so far and plan on Skyping tomorrow, but I miss him so much already (its only been 5 days) and I’m scared it’ll be too hard to maintain or it’ll fade..any advice on how to make it work?? I want to say what we had for those two weeks is enough, but after seeing all the negative things on the internet, it’s hard to fathom this all..
Oh oops and I guess I forgot to mention he’s from Germany while I live in the US..7 hour time difference :)
Hi Tatiana – so psyched to hear youve met someone amazing – congrats! It definitely sounds like you’ve got something great – I only spent 12 hours with Mike before we both had to jet off to our respective sides of the world, so the two weeks you had together can definitely be enough to spark something more.
Keep up the texting, and for now if it all seems like too much and hard to fathom, just start out by taking it day by day. Trying to plan out your whole future at once can be really overwhelming and make your head spin, so start out by setting up a routine of when you talk – regular video chats via Skype or FaceTime is a great place to start :)
Once you’ve set up a routine for communicating/calling each other it honestly becomes your new normal, and it’s not hard to maintain at all. Also, because you’re so far apart and lead different lives right now, you’ll likely find you’ll always have something to talk about so this is a big pro in terms of meaning it won’t fade.
After that try and plan to take a trip somewhere together – Mike and I used our distance as an opportunity to meet up in the middle and travel together for 2 weeks every few months. This also gave us something to look forward to before he made the first move and spent 12 months in Aus.
Hope that helps – best of luck to you both :) Feel free to reach out if you have any other Q’s :) All the best to you both XXX
I am absolutely in love with this story. I actually met my guy while I was on a cruise. We stopped over on an island and went shopping and he was working at a booth selling things. I was hot and frustrated waiting on the shuttle driver to come back and get us to take us back to the ship and he started talking to me. I was really not interested but just to pass time I said what the heck. He was just trying to get money from a tourist I’m sure. Well to make a long story short. Well I got his information but took it down wrong. I didn’t think about it. Week or so later, I tried looking him up and couldn’t located him- changed the first letter of his first name and found him. We chatted then we talked and the rest is history. I go over and see him often. His family loves me and I them. It’s hard but I wouldn’t change anything!!!
So glad to hear your story Angel! And I’m so glad you enjoyed ours :) It’s amazing how the most chance encounters can turn into something life changing isn’t it!! Funny also how those moments usually eventuate from the “what the heck” moments too :D
I often think back as to what my life would be like now if I hadn’t decided to sit at the table Mike was sitting at that one day in Africa, or hadn’t had the courage to start a conversation with a then total stranger. Funny how life has it’s own plan!!
Congrats to you both :) I wish you all the best – it’s definitely hard, but as you said yourself, you wouldn’t change a thing. It’s so worth it in the end :) All the best!
Hey, congrats for making it work! It’s really inspiring.
I’ve been in a LDR for almost 3 years (3 ys next month, actually), I met my bf when I was studying in Paris and we we’re actually together for only 2 months and then I came back to Brazil. I remember telling him “we can’t be involved, I’m leaving” and he would always say “we’ll cross that bridge when it comes”. So after that we’ve seen each other every 3 months in average, max was 4. He came to Brazil in 2013 to study and look for a job, he stayed 3 months (the maximum period with the tourist visa) but since he had then recently graduated without professional experience he had no luck and had to go back to Paris. He got an amazing job there as an engineer but he’s still young, he’ll turn 25 in August (on the day we met!) and he still lives with his parents. I do not have european citizenship and I’m not sure what to expect…I mean, I know he loves me, but I’m 27 and It’s been really emotionally exhausting having to hear everyone saying that this isn’t going to work out. I do not have a job as I’m studying for the foreign service exam, and I don’t want to pressure him for marriage…. we almost broke up in March because I was pressuring him a lot to do the stable union so I could move to France and wait for a year to ask for the work visa. So I’m really writing you, a stranger who’s been in my shoes, to try to find some comfort in you love story and hope mine will work out as well. I’m trying to be patient as I know he’s younger and is in his comfort zone with career and parents house not having expenses, but I love him so much Its getting harder and harder…. help?
Hi Barbara, so glad you’re inspired by our story :) And congrats on your LDR – 3 years is an amazing achievement!
Firstly, the biggest thing is to tune out the negativity as much as you possibly can. I know first hand how exhausting that can be, and you don’t need it in your life. If someone starts talking to you about your relationship in a negative tone, tell them straight up you’ve been together for 3 years now, if they’re not going to support you you don’t want to talk about it at all.
3 years is definitely a long time, and I know it gets harder and harder the longer you spend apart. The reality is that one of you will eventually have to make the sacrifice and the move, though the other reality is that it has to be right for you both as well. Sounds like pressuring him isn’t working that well – but maybe you could approach it slowly from a different angle and have really honest conversations about how there has to come a time where one of you makes the move. It got to the stage where we decided we couldn’t do the distance anymore so he moved to Australia while I finished my degree, and then I moved to the States to where he had a house.
It’s a really good thing that you see each other every 3 or so months, because (a) you know that it’s real, and (b) it gives you something to continually look forward to, and that’s one of the biggest things which kept Mike and my relationship on track. Sadly it’s just sticking it out until it’s right for you both, and if it gets to the stage where you genuinely can’t take it anymore you need to let him know that, and know how you’re feeling, so you can both either try and make it work or decide to move on.
If you give ultimatums though make sure you’re ready to follow through, because it doesn’t sound like you’re willing to give up if he won’t make a commitment to make a move work, so in that case it’s really about making peace with the fact that as hard as it is, this is the situation right now. It sucks to be apart for so long, but you know what you’ve got is real, you do get to see each other every 3 months, and there WILL be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I really hope that helps somewhat – LDR’s are always going to be hard, it’s just making sure those lines of communication are always open both ways to ensure you’re both in the right place, and then when it’s right for you both it will work out :)
Wishing you all the best – hang in there!! It’s worth it in the end :)
I really loved the advice you gave for how to keep up with an LDR. My name is Lauren and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and I truly believe this man is the one for me. We both live in Florida in the U.S and I just got accepted to my dream art college in Portland, Oregon.. It’s been really hard on us and we really want to make it work. The problem is we can only communicate and no chance of visiting each other. PLane tickets are a fortune and I can only pay for one in-between semesters.He’s got a lot of bills to pay as well so it’s just hard to think that we have to wait 6 months until we’re in each others arms again. It almost makes me regret applying to my dream school in the first place because I feel like I’m leaving behind another dream of mine. Do you think we could really make it work? He told me he was going to try to move up in Portland with me after my first year, but I’m afraid it may not be what he wants, also he’s supporting his family too. Overall I don’t think he”ll ever be able to come here. It scares me to death and I can’t sleep knowing if I leave it may be the end for us.. I need advice :-(
Hi Lauren – thanks for reaching out; I honestly think that if you’re meant to be you can make anything work. And you shouldn’t have to give up your dreams for anyone this early in life; a partner is supposed to support and compliment you, yes you totally need to make sacrifice and compromise for a relationship to work, though I don’t think that that sacrifice should be your dream.
I met Mike with 2 years left of my college degree in Australia, our deal was that I was going to graduate and then I would move with him to the USA. You’ve got too much potential in front of you at this point in your life to make a decision that could affect the rest of it. I think that giving up an education at one of the best schools, and the potential at a career path which you would love is something you may potentially regret down the line. I’m a big believer in that if you work hard enough at it you can have both.
Not going to lie, it’s definitely going to be hard. You’re going to have to be mindful of his feelings while at college for instance it could be hard for him if you’ve got photos etc going up online of parties etc etc with people or even guys he doesn’t know, you know what I mean. Though if you have trust in one another and set up daily communication which you don’t let waver that’s whats going to help you make it through. Facetime, Skype, introduce him via videochat to your new friends, as long as you keep the open line of communication and make your best efforts to ensure that you both feel like you’re still a very big part in each other’s life. And the absence really does make the time you do have together every months that much sweeter.
I don’t know if this helps or not, though I heard a quote this week, that you should flip a coin when you’re trying to decide on something, as in that split second where it’s up in the air you know what you want it to be. I truly think you can make it work if you’re both in the right head-space to.
Hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best. XXX
My girlfriend is from America and I am from Australia, we met on a chat site one night because we were both bored. After talking for 7 hours straight I discovered that we are the same with ethnicity (Vietnamese) and we are both pre med students and same age (20).
After 5 months of talking we decided to meet In Thailand, her parents would of no way approved of this so we had to plan everything secretly. So for two weeks we are spending time traveling together across Thailand. There were times within the trip where she had to leave my side to do the volunteer work at school to work with disable children. So this is me checking in with one week left with her. The first night meeting her I was absolutely in love with this Individual and as each day comes I begin to fall harder for her.
What really tugs on my heart strings is that we have limited time with each other and it’s hard to keep a positive vibe because we are both emotional about leaving one another when we head back to our homes. Traveling with her and handing people our passports ‘one is Australian’ ‘one is american’ and peoples reaction when they hear us speak when we have different accents.
Even though it’s hard We both wan to give 110% into this long distance relationship and I guess I came pass your site for some motivation.
Hi Khoi, thanks for reaching out – and congrats on having met someone truly amazing; really does sound like the stars aligned!!
I think that there are definitely negative connotations with having met in a chat room online, so my first piece of advice to you both would be to tell your friends and family you met while in Thailand. You’re already going to get enough negativity from people at home in the first place, so I don’t think you need to give them fuel to add to the fire so to speak by mentioning the chat room. Even though Mike and I met in person, the rumors that flew through my extended family was that I was heading off a few months later to meet a guy I met online, and the judgement was ridiculous. So that would be tip one.
Your geographical situation is exactly the same as Mike and Mine, with me being from Aus and him being from the US. If you’re both in pre-med I’m assuming that you both have a decent amount of time left on your degrees. And I wouldn’t recommend dropping out by any means – I think that it’s important to set yourselves up and follow through on the education you’ve begun, and then if the relationship works out, make plans for one of you to move from there. You could even look into the possibility of a 12 month student exchange program for one of you if that would work.
I think the best thing to do is to be very open and honest, tell her how you feel, and that you 100% want to make it work. And acknowledge from the start that it’s going to get hard, but lay out a plan for communication, for when and how you’ll meet up, when your college holidays align, all that jazz. Communication is the biggest key.
Plan on a set time of day each day to video chat or call, and then you’ve got something to look forward to each day even though you’re apart. Don’t let that positive vibe wane – if you both decide you’re sure, decide to approach it as though you’re spending every moment possible with this person until you see them next time. Because there WILL be a next time. Thinking that there won’t be a next time is going to allow negativity to creep in and make you doubt.
You won’t even notice the accent difference after a while, I promise! And you can make it work, just keep the lines of communication open, have a plan for when you’ll next see each other even if that’s in 5 or 6 months time, because that gives you something to look forward to.
Hope that helps! Enjoy the rest of your time in Thailand – wishing you both all the best XXX
Hi Meg
Than you so much for your response it’s really appreciated, her parents know about me and my parents and close friends know about her too, what is difficult is that we are both still in school, which is a commitment of its own. She finishes her schooling next year and starts her medicine degree year after that. I however have two years left before starting my med degree.
Keeping positive and just thinking if there is a will there is a way, I am a massive commitment-phobe but with her its all worth it
Hi Khoi
If you’ve found someone who makes you throw your commitment phobia out the window, then it’s most definitely worth the long haul :) Perhaps you could look into the possibility of doing one of your final years of study in America. I’m not quite sure how that works for medicine, but there were quite a lot of options for me when I was studying Law.
The study abroad program specifically may not work out, though it’s these kind of out of the box options which you can start to try and think about :)
All the best!
Hi Megan !
Thanks again for responding ! Our plan so far is that this November I will be going to America to meet her family and have thanks giving (apparently it’s important) then travel around the U.S. For a bit after that she will come to Australia with me for an Aussie Christmas and New Years, will take her to Great Barrier Reef because she loves diving and wildlife and then after that mid 2016 I will be traveling to the states again for two months which she will be done studying and taking a gap year which we will travel around the world and do volunteering in Vietnam and travel as we are both Vietnamese and she has never been. I used to be a bodybuilder and I never thought I would give up that life of training but when I’m with her I feel complete so we have thusplanned out that far and after the volunteering she might do a year study in Australia before medical school.
Sounds like a fantastic start! Yep, Thanksgiving is a big one over in the States. We don’t really have anything like it honestly, but it’s essentially like Christmas just minus the gifts and presents. A big family based holiday.
She’ll have a blast in the GBR – so amazing up there! All the best to you both :)
Hi Megan! I live in Puerto Rico and i am in a long distance relationship with someone from China. My situation is different because i have never seen him personally, but there’s nothing to worry about because we met on a language exchange app and i had take my time to get to know him very well. The problem is maybe it will take some time to finally meet each other. Sometimes i just feel i am losing the motivation to continue with the relationship and ignoring the possibility to find my love here. I feel maybe if we share more about each other we can keep this feeling alive. I recently found that i am a little insecure because of his culture women stereotypes. I also feel he will change his mind about me in any moment because of his parents pressure to marry a chinese girl or maybe because of differences in habits or lack of conversation topics. Sometimes i feel is not healthy and realistic to say we love each other without having met before. I wish you happiness to you and your husband! I am so happy you found each other. I know everything is possible in this world no matter what people says. Love is real!
Hi Roxana, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I think that in your situation one of the biggest things is going to be actually meeting in person, and while you’ve obviously been chatting back and forth a lot and feel like you know each other, when you do decide to meet, just make sure you’re making the arrangements to meet in a safe place and taking precautions like letting someone you trust know what’s going on and where you are.
I think that that personal connection after having physical met the person is going to be your biggest indication of whether or not it will work, and whether or not it’s worth continuing the relationship, so perhaps that’s something you can really try and work to make happen. You could decide upon meeting that it’s not for you, or you could fall madly in love even more than you already are and know that all of the work to keep the relationship alive is 100% worth it. But I’m not sure if you can know that without having met yet. But absolutely, anything is possible in today’s day and age no matter what anyone else says! Just make sure you’re thinking of your safety too while pursuing your dreams :)
It could very well work out amazingly for you, and many people have had positive experiences having met online, though I think that it is really important to meet in person, and I think this will tell you a lot about the relationship going forward.
Wishing you all the best – my advice is that if you’re thinking in terms of that you love each other one of the biggest priorities should be organizing to meet. Or perhaps even start scheduling video chats or Skype video calls if you haven’t already done so – that face to face will also maybe give you a little more insight if it will take a while before you do get to actually meet :)
Hope that helps! XXX
Hey Megan, I love your story its amazing and relatable. Im in LDR too, we have been talking for almost a year. Im in USA and he is in Pakistan, we text everyday and video chat every weekend but its hard cause we haven’t met yet. It worries me cause my friend tells me is not gonna work or maybe he is using me for coming USA or something but I don’t think he is like that he is so sweet and genuine guy.We talked about meeting but neither of us are travelers like you and mike lol. He tells me we ll make it work but like you said Visas are pain and Im kind busy with studies. Any ideas? again I really loved your story and Mike seems so sweet, you are a lucky girl. Wish you happy marriage!
Hi Yazmina! Congrats on making it a year in your LDR – that’s a huge milestone :) It’s definitely easy for everyone to make a snap judgement without being in the situation themselves, when really the only person who knows if there’s anything there are the two of you.
As I mentioned to Roxana above as well, I think that in your situation one of the biggest things is going to be actually meeting in person, as I think that that personal connection after having physical met the person is going to be your biggest indication of whether or not it will work, and whether or not it’s worth continuing the relationship, so perhaps that’s something you can really try and work to make happen.
You could decide upon meeting that it’s not for you, or you could fall madly in love even more than you already are and know that all of the work to keep the relationship alive is 100% worth it. I think you do need to meet physically to really, truly know though. But absolutely, anything is possible in today’s day and age no matter what anyone else says! And video chats are a great alternative of communicating when you can’t physically be there.
Just based on the ease of Visas I would have it a guess that it would be easier for you to travel to meet him there, though you could consider both taking a vacation and meeting somewhere half way instead of one person visiting the other in their hometown – Mike and I first met up in Scotland after we started dating, and we actually both booked onto a group tour of the country. We figured worst case if it didn’t work out you’re at least surrounded by a bunch of other people so you would have that outlet.
And while you’ve obviously been chatting back and forth a lot and feel like you know each other, when you do decide to meet, just make sure you’re making the arrangements to meet in a safe place and taking precautions like letting someone you trust know what’s going on and where you are.
I hope it works out amazing for you both :) Until you do actually meet, the best you can do is to keep that communication live and the video chats are a great way of doing that :)
All the best!
Thank you Megan so much, Your tips are helpful. Keep doing what you doing!
You’re most welcome Yazmina! I’m so glad we could help :)
Sometimes love is so unpredictable, thanks for your story Megan. I’m tammy from Indonesia, I’ m also dating with someone from Canada for almost 4 years now. We meet each other twice or three times a year the most. But don’t know why it seems that I start to feel doubt , are we going to make it. I have a good career and he has a business, it seems that this thing make us difficult who wants to sacrifice . I hope our ending story can be like your story with Mike . May God bless always bless your marriages Megan
Hi Tammy, so glad to hear you’ve also met someone amazing :) 4 years is a huge accomplishment. I think doubt is a natural thing to feel in that kind of a situation, especially when you’ve been together for so long and can’t necessarily see a light at the end of the tunnel. I think the biggest thing which kept Mike and I going was that we had planned out what we wanted to happen and who was going to move etc, so even though it was something like a two year plan, we still had something which we were working towards and I think this really helped.
In the end it does come down to sacrifice. And one of you is going to have to make that sacrifice if you want to be together in the same spot. And it can be scary when you’re so well set up, but who knows, a career change and an international move could just be the best thing which ever happened to one of you. For instance I left my career in law behind in Australia when I moved to the States, and when I got there I had 3 months before my work visa came through. Not knowing how the hell to spend my time alone while Mike was out working to pay the bills, I started working on a new online project and created this blog.
Now the blog is my career and we travel around the world from it. I never would have thought about that as a possibility if I hadn’t been forced to get that creative.
So what I’m trying to say is that yes, it’s very scary to sacrifice and leave everything behind, but you never know what’s there on the other side waiting for you. And even if it sucks, you can at least say that you took the leap and you tried as opposed to regretting not having tried or wondering “what if”.
Wishing you both all the best! Hope that helps :) XXX
thx a lot for your advice megan, what have u decided with mike at the beginning we ‘ve done that also but maybe our age gap about 15 years different and we both failed from previous marriage makes everything become more complicated. Anyway reading your story makes me more positive about the future, your advice encourage me to be more optimist. Thank you so much megan.By the way , do u have any children yet ? gbu always :-)
Anytime :) Everyones individual situations are definitely going to be different from the next, so as long as you’re doing what you feel is right for the both of you that’s the best you can do :) I’m glad we could help you look at everything with more positivisty and optimism though :)
Kids for us will probably be a few more years :D We’re enjoying travel as just a couple while we can :D
i too have a relationship. he is in Australia and i am in america.its been 1 year we were together back in India.now v r apart now :( bt your story is soo inspiring.got new hopes from your story.:( thanks
Congrats on your relationship Drashti! 1 year is an amazing milestone for a long distance relationship, and if you can make it through one year then you can make it through many more!
Being apart really does suck, but if you keep up the communication, and maintain a determination to make it work from both sides then anything is possible, and it makes the time you do spend together even more special.
Wishing you all the best XX
Such an inspiring read……I have met the love of my life in America and I’m in Australia. I guess with myself being Cabin Crew its easier for me than most to see him more often than I would otherwise be able to. Having said that, it’s still a challenge, but I truly believe if you want to make it work, you’ll always find a way. Congratulations to you both and I hope to be able to send you our wedding pics in the not to distant future :)
Thanks LT :) And congrats on your relationship too! Sounds like you’ve got exactly the right attitude to make it work, so while it’s definitely difficult at times, I have no doubt with your mindset you’ll make it through.
Absolutely send through your wedding pics when the day does arrive :) All the best to you both, and happy travels!
Thank you for this. Particularly the part about the negativity. My story is different and it is bizarre in fact. I met the love of my life when I was 13. Now, at 26,I love and appreciate him more than ever but I can count the amount of times we’ve physically been in each others company on one hand – and have fingers to spare.
He was “dating” a high school friend when he and I became friends. By the time they broke up (a couple of weeks, we were just kids) I was besotted with him and he felt the same. Shortly after our first date, his mother moved them away and stuck him in boarding school. What could we kids do when we couldn’t drive etc? Hours of texting and phonecalls later, he had become my best friend. Much of the reason I love him to this day is that having only those methods of communication meant we left all pretences behind. Just yesterday he told me I’m the only person who truly knows him, he treasures that and treasures me.
Life has taken us down many roads. We’ve lost contact a few times. I moved to the otherside of the world. His life has been stunted by being stuck in a country ravaged by the gfc, meanwhile I have a great career.
And yet we talk. We have endless conversation. We have no boundaries. We love each other.
I go home for Xmas in 79 days and I will see him for the first time since 2008. I alternate between overwhelming excitement and fear.
The fear is, as fear always is, the dominant emotion.
What if we can’t emulate the fabulous phone chats in real life?
What if he’s not attracted to me any more?
And, most terrifying of all, what if it is perfect and I have to get back on a plane after 3 weeks of perfection and leave him to return to life on the otherside of the planet?
Any advice on handling the doubts and facing the unknown?
Hi Livy, thanks for reaching out; it truly does sound like you’ve established an amazing connection with each other.
The biggest piece of advice I would give is to not overthink it or try and force anything. And this can be kind of difficult when you’ve been waiting for so long to actually meet, but if you try and prioritize your excitement over your fear and accept that this is something which is going to have to play out, then I believe that’s how you’ll give yourself your best chance.
Too many people try to control the unknown which just never works out. But if you accept that something is unknown and adapt a positive attitude to looking at it that’s what will pull you through. When we’re focused on the negatives things tend to not work out. You can be both positive and realistic at the same time, but if you’re at least open to and positive about possibilities you’re more likely to embrace them when they come your way.
For instance instead of thinking what happens if it’s perfect and you have to get back on the plane, start thinking, if it’s perfect and I have to get back on the plane, we’ll make it work. But think about that after you’ve enjoyed 3 weeks of it being perfect. Don’t let the fact that you have to get on a plane ruin what could be otherwise an amazing time in the right now.
Hope that helps!
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I will have to chev
Oops, continued: check in and let you know the outcome. Thanks again for taking the time to respond. Great points that I look forward to applying x
Your story is admirable. I find solace in your words. My story is a bit more complex as it involves the app Tinder, which a lot of people think is just an app for people that want to hook up. While on vacation in Dubai I turned on the app and began swiping. I chatted with a few guys briefly but since I had only a few days left on my vacation, I didn’t really pay attention to my matches. I wanted to enjoy sightseeing and nothing more. When I got back home in the U.S. I turned on the tinder app again and a guy that is from Australia but lives in Dubai had sent me messages. We started chatting and I discovered that he is just truly what I have been looking for. He has all the qualities that I have not been able to find in anyone else here where I live. I am smitten with him….a lot. A week into chatting with him he sent me red roses and a box of chocolate for my birthday. I know he too is smitten with me because he tells me all the time. He is planning to come see me soon. Very soon. This makes me a bit nervous because we have only been chatting and sending voice notes for 11 days. Is it too soon for him to come see me? I really like him but I also don’t want to rush into anything. He says he has had experience with ldr, which makes me wonder why they didn’t work. Before we make plans for him to come see me I would like to get to know him for a bit longer via whatsapp and facetime. I really do feel though, as if he could be the one for me. Which raises the questions, who moves where, I am currently studying and can’t move. He has a successful career in Dubai. All these questions make me anxious. What is your advice?
Hi Jan, thanks for reaching out – and congrats on the possible romance!!
Granted on paper 11 days does seem like it’s super soon, though I only spent one night with Mike before we were texting back and forth and then dating after having only spent 12 hours together, and then we had really only met 3 times before he proposed, so stranger things have definitely happened!!
Really though, you’re going to have to meet eventually, and generally that’s when you know whether there is or isn’t something there, so why not have that clarity sooner rather than later. I wouldn’t worry about why his other LDR didn’t work out – many don’t, and that’s often either the fault of the distance, or there not being the will to make it work from one or both sides. It would be the same as questioning why previous relationships in general didn’t work out with someone you’ve just started dating – sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t :) You could definitely ask him that to see what his take on the difficulties of an LDR are – would maybe offer you some more insight and help ease any worries or doubts :)
I think it’s a very smart idea to plan some Skype video chats or Facetime before you meet, because chatting via that face to face medium really does give you a little bit more of an insight into the other person. And then when you do meet just make sure that it’s in a safe place, and that someone close to you knows exactly who you’re meeting and where and that you’ll text them at a certain time etc – just precautions which I usually always took before meeting up with someone from online dating for a first date.
My additional advice would be don’t start worrying about who moves where now. You don’t know each other yet, so you don’t know what’s going to happen. At this stage worry about getting to know each other, and if you can meet up, then meet up and enjoy each other’s company and time. If it starts to get serious THEN you can worry about making a plan, and who knows, by then he could have organized a transfer with work or you could have finished your study. A whole range of different factors could come into play by the time you decide you’re both serious about each other, so don’t let those doubts and fears ruin what could be a great relationship before you actally start.
The doubts and fears are always going to be a stressful part of any LDR, though if you can let yourself be flexible enough to let it play out, and not try to force it too early on, that’s how you give yourself your best chance :)
Hope that helps! Best of luck to you both XXX
This story really helps! Im currently in a LDR with my girlfriend being on the cruise liners. Im situated in South Africa and she is currently in the US region.
Communication is really hard but we try and make it work. We have been together nearly 3yrs now and determined to make this work.
The negativity from other people does take a toll on your relationship but it is your mindset that makes the difference.
I got some new motivation from this story and really glad for the 2 of you that made it work no matter the distance.
We have been talking about tying the knot officially after she is back in Feb 2016 so we both just need to stay committed and believe in each other and make compromises for each other.
Anyone else been in this situation that can give some great advice for gifts or romantic ideas??
Hi Mark! So glad this story helps…and so glad to hear you’re both determined to make it work. That’s honestly what it comes down to – motivation to make it work and the determination to never give up despite the obstacles distance may throw in your way.
There will absolutely be negativity, which you’ve obviously already experienced, but a steely mindset will get you through. If it’s coming from family and friends it’s generally because they don’t understand and people are often skeptical of what they don’t understand.
Congrats on possibly tying the knot!! That’s huge! :) So happy for you both! I think the biggest advice re romantic ideas is to do anything which makes it seem as though you’re thinking of her. Really we’re just impressed that you’ve put thought and effort into something, and it’s generally the thought which is most sweet. So like going out of your way to organize to have someone drop a rose on her bed on the ship with a note saying “thinking of you” or something like that. Little things go a long way :)
Congrats to you both – I like to live by the saying that “We do the things others won’t to live the life other’s can’t”. And that definitely applies to dealing with LDR to be with the love of your life :)
All the best XX
Thank you for sharing
You’re welcome Rasha :) Hope it helped! X
I know how it is to love someone from a different country my boyfriend lives in Trinidad was in us on us visa but he has to get a new one to get back to me and we talk everyday see each other online everyday only problem is I can’t get to where he is because I have seizures but he still wants to meet my family and get married someday
Thanks for sharing your story Tonya, I hope it all works out for you, and that he will be able to come back to the US to spend time with you soon :)
Wow this is Amazing!! It’s so lovely to hear someone else’s story that’s so similar and it working out. I met my girl for one week in Borneo…. we didn’t even get it together because she was going through a break up with someone else… but I just knew. 10 months later she’s in UK and I’m still travelling but we have never gone a day without speaking and we fell in love. I see her in 7 weeks and can’t wait to prove the doubters wrong.
Thanks Lisha!! And congratulations on finding your favorite human being! Sometimes it really does happen that you just know, and others may not understand, but when you feel that it’s right in your gut there’s no turning back!!
So glad to hear it worked out for you – I have no doubt your reunion in 7 weeks will be wonderful and absolutely worth the wait. All the best to you both :) X
Megan!! The guy came to see me and I couldn’t be happier. It was instant connection. We spent the weekend together and it was fabulous. He knows that during the week I can devote too much time to him because I work in corporate but he meets me for lunch and takes me to dinner. He’s here for 3 more days and I will be sad when he leaves. He is just the greatest man I have ever met. Treats me like a princess and makes me feel safe. We’ve already talked about me going to visit him for Thanksgiving. He’s even asked me if I can transfer my college credits to schools outside the U.S. We are completely smitten with each other. Maybe this LDR can work. I have hope Megan. :)
I’m so happy for you! Congrats!!! Do everything you can to hold onto that love :) Wishing you both all the best XXX
I have a love of the same and I live in the United states and my boyfriend currently lives in hungary and travels EU.. I was wondering what you did after marrying to be able to stay in the United states?
Hi Paige :) Feel free to shoot me an email to meganjerrard [at] gmail.com and I’ll forward you through a write up of the visa process I went through after getting married to stay in the States. I entered on a fiance visa and then had 90 days to get married and then after being married I believe it was 90 days to then file paperwork applying for a change of status for permanent residency and my green card.
I was then allowed to stay in the States until my green card was granted and that took about 10 months. Shoot me an email though and I’ll forward you a quick overview of the process I went through :)
That’s cool a romantic love story :) i love seeing romantic couples.I wish my boyfriend and I can meet soon in person. We really want to but we’re thousand miles apart. I’m in the Philippines he’s in the US. Can someone help to get him here. Thanks :*
Thanks Hanna! So glad you’re inspired by my story :) And I hope you manage to organize a meeting between yourself and your boyfriend soon too :)
All the best to you both X
Hi your story is so amazing and very beautiful. I have been in an on and off again relationship with a guy that I met online. Im in the US and he’s in Africa. The only reason that it has been on and off is because I will start doubting it and start feeling like there is no way that we will ever meet. I have done tons of research online and found that it is extremely hard for Africans to obtain a visa to visit the US. I have never traveled so far before and cant think of anyone that will go with me. I am also very afraid of the very long flight so I just dont know what to do. He has become my best friend. If we didnt have the connection that we have I would not even consider having a relationship with him. He truly understands me and is a great person. We skype all the time and I really feel close to him when we do. Any advice would really be helpful. Thank you.
Hi Shalonda, thanks for reaching out – so glad you’re inspired by our story. When you’re in a situation like this you have to dive outside of your comfort zone in order to make it work. And at some stage you will have to meet each other if there is going to be a future for you, so my advice would be that it’s probably time to figure out how to meet. And if that means organization a vacation to Africa, then it sounds like a perfect excuse for a holiday!
Africa is an amazing continent and you’ll have a wonderful time -if there’s no-one who will go with you, try and muster up the courage to travel alone. You could book onto a group tour for the first period of time you’re there, and either have him come on the same tour with you, or just use that as a stepping stone to meet a bunch of people and get used to the new continent first.
When Mike and I met for the second time we met each other in Scotland and had booked onto a group tour of the Scottish Isles. That way I figured we were in a group setting where there was less pressure on us being 1 on 1, and worst case scenario there were other people to lean on should we have not worked out.
I promise that long flight’s arent that bad – living in Australia I’m used to 18 hour flights as the norm to get anywhere in the world because we are so isolated. I usually stick on a few movies and take a book and fall asleep and then you’re there :)
My advice would be to start planning a trip to Africa so that you can meet. I have a bunch of articles on my site here too about solo travel if you need inspiration for going alone – type in “solo travel” to the search field and it’ll pop up – I promise it’s more liberating than you ever would have thought possible. Just because you can’t find someone who wants to go with you that shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want to do. I’m a big believer in not letting fear of the unknown stop you from pursuing your dreams. And then if it turns out he’s amazing and your spark exists in person you can look into how to make it work going forward.
Best of luck!
XX
This story has given me hope as I have been in a LDR for 3years, but my story is a little more complex as I have 3 grown up kids (23,21,19) and two of them are very much against my relationship as they feel that it was the reason I broke up with their father (my husband of 25 years) . I live in oz and my soulmate lives in London. We met three years ago when I travelled back to my hometown of London when my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I was already unhappy in my marriage and chose to travel back and forth to the U.K. Every few months to help in the care of my dad. I guess it was a good escape from my unhappiness in Australia. It came at a time when my kids were all pretty independent and out of the house a lot and I had to face the fact that I was no longer in love with my husband.
I met this amazing man in London and from day 1 we connected. We both felt such a strong connection physically, emotionally and definitely spiritually. He was amazing with my dad and was such a support to me. So for the last three years we have been together for about a month at a time then two or three months apart.
However, now my father has gone into care and I have returned to Australia to work and live. He would love to live here and plans to visit in January, then we will meet again in March (asia)!and I will go back to uk in July so it is great that we have things to look forward. However I worry every day about losing him , I get anxious when he is out or working away and I cannot talk to him and I worry that my children will never accept us so I have tried to ‘unlove’ him many times but I cannot . I stay up until 2am to FaceTime him after work (7hour time difference is a killer) and then I usually try to be free at 2pm (oz time ) to FaceTime him when he wakes up. We have kept this up continuously but I miss his physical touch every day. We also have the visa issue, as he would love to live in Australia but would be unable to work or live permanently. I would marry him tomorrow but I still have my kids to think about. I do believe we WILL be together in the end but sometimes the negative thoughts creep in and it’s difficult to see a way.
Did you ever suffer with anxiety? I often fear that something will happen to him before we get our chance to be together. I suppose this is because I am older and fear that I may not have this chance again.
It is very comforting reading ither’s experiences though and believing that if you truly want it then you will make it possible
Hi Tara
Thanks for sharing your story – I’m so glad that you’ve found the love of your life…even if it is a little more complicated with your situation.
I think that if your kids are now independent, yes, while you have to consider how they feel, really your biggest priority should be your own happiness. If you approach the situation right and give them space and time they will come to accept it eventually, and will hopefully realize that your happiness counts too.
I think the biggest thing with having adult kids is not to force the relationship on them, and to understand why, from their perspective that they’re upset. If it does come up you can probably say to them to the effect of, look, we’re all adults now, this man had nothing to do with the fact that the relationship between myself and your father wasn’t going well towards the end, however he has everything to do with the fact that I’m now extremely happy. I respect if you’re not comfortable with another man, and I’m not going to force you to be included in my relationship if you’re not ready to, however you do need to accept that this is now my life, and he is apart of my life.
Kids are always going to feel the need to defend the parent they think is hurting the most, and they don’t need to like that one of their parents is with someone else, but in the end they do need to accept it. Just give them space and time and I think that in the majority of cases if they see that he makes you happy and you’re not attempting to have him replace their dad they’ll grow to accept his relationship with you.
I’m speaking from my experience as a child dealing with this situation from my in-law.
Anxiety is absolutely normal, I promise you – some of the worst weeks of our lives were in the “limbo” stages of trying t sort out our visas, and the anxiety was a killer.
If marriage is a little further out because of your kids, could you potentially look at finding an employer to sponsor him here in Australia? It’s a little more difficult than organizing one of the one year work travel visas which is for those under 30, though it’s a potential option if he falls under one of the skilled workers.
Check out https://www.border.gov.au/Trav/Visa-1/457- for more info and this post here also seems to have some decent tips: http://gettingdownunder.com/finding-a-sponsored-job-in-australia/
The biggest thing is holding onto the belief that it will work out in the end, and cherishing the phone conversations and the time that you do get to spend together while you have it now.
I wish you both all the best XX
Hi megan Reading your story gives me so much hope
I’m a guy so i hope it’s not weird that i love this kind of story
i’m currently LDR with my gf for 6 months , we met online not dating one it’s a normal language exchange :)i never met her in person and i will meet her july for one month only i hope i don’t cry when going back to my country…haha
I wanna ask something if you don’t mind it
my gf is college and 2 years younger than me she lives in puerto rico and i live in japan so there is 13 hours difference and it’s kinda annoying…when night there it’s morning here so our day and night is opposite, first month when i woke up i text her and we talked for 3 to 4 hours and i love it, but now we only talk for 2 hours but it’s ok for me and her
anyways this is what i wanna ask
i can only talk to her for 1 hours monday to friday due to my work
but saturday to sunday i can talk a lot and i will do this for 10 months, for me 1 hours is too short but i can be satisfied with it if i can hear her voice,
do you think only one hours is hard for her to keep our relationship? if it’s you what will you feel?
btw i promised her to lived in her country forever 2018
Hey, I just read your post. And I’m in LDR woth my bf. He is an American. And I’m a Korean. So our situation is pretty similar to yours. Like you, I’ve never met him yet. But I’ll meet him on January. So after about 3 months. He will come to Korea. Actually these days, I don’t talk to him too much. Even we’ve not called each other for more than 10 days! It was so horrible. But he was busy. I had to wait though I hate waiting. Anyway we still love each other. I know waiting sucks and it’s very hard. But if you two are meant to be, you guys can overcome anything hard. I’m sure of it. Because I’m going through same situation as you. The most important things are trust and positive thinking. If you start thinking of your relationship negatively, you can never keep it well. So think of your relationship positively in any situation. It’s the key to make it work well. And if you love her truly, you should trust her. It’s very very important. If you keep the two things, your love will work well! I hope so. Hope you can meet her as soon as possible. Cheer up!! Everything will be fine :) Love is the strongest feeling :) Gook luck!!
Hi Daryl! So glad you love our story, and congrats on finding the girl you’re head over heels in love with!
Mike and I were in a very similar situation being in Australia and the United States, I would be going to sleep just as his day would start, and when I would wake up the sun would be setting for him. But same kind of a deal, I called him every night after I got home from work, and often this was only for an hour or so.
I think one hour per day is totally fine, it might be a little bit of an adjustment if you’re so used to much more time, though it still gives you something to look forward to every day, and it still gives each of you the chance to hear each other’s voice, so even if that’s only for 60 minutes, it’s still a commitment which I think is good enough to keep a relationship going :)
All the best to you both! XX
Ohhh you guys look so happy!! Actually I’m in long-distance relationship too. It’s very, very hard. But it works well! If two love each other truly, nothing is problem :) Hope you are having good days with your husband! So sweet!!
Thanks Heesook! We really are :) Congrats on your own relationship too. Yes, they are definitely difficult when it’s long distance, though as you said, nothing is an obstacle if two people love each other truly :) Such refreshing perspective as many people are all too willing to give up and not put in the hard work.
But hard work always pays off and the rewards are so worthwhile in the end :)
All the best for you and your BF :) X
I’m so happy that I found this on the internet. I’m currently in a long distance relationship, he’s from Belgium, I’m from México. It has been hard as hell, especially this last month when we almost broke up. The thing is, It’s been hard for me to deal with the anxiety about the future ,I get upset jsut thinking about how who’s going to move, when we will be physically together again, how my family will react when they meet him, etc. But reading your story settled my mind a bit :) Thanks!
And good luck to everyone!
I’m so glad we could settle your mind a little Julia. I totally understand your anxiety, I think it’s something everyone in a long distance relationship has been through. Some of the times we were caught in limbo over our visa situation were some of the worst days!
Though there is always an end in sight, and the biggest thing that I learnt was to accept the things which were out of my control, and focus on the relationship at the stage it was at. For instance if it’s not the right time to discuss moving right now, don’t stress about it. Easier said than done!! But if you can accept that you will sort it out when it’s the right time, even if that means setting a timeline ie we will discuss this in 6 months or a year. And in a year from now different circumstances could come into play which will make different options available for you both which aren’t on the table right now. If that makes sense.
So I know it’s difficult, though if you can adopt the mindframe that you’ll do everything within your power to make it work, and let those things which are out of your control happen in time, the rest will naturally fall into place :)
All the best to you both :) XX
so Ive been in a long distant relationship for almost 10 years. he is in Australia and i am in the USA we have been OK but he tells me my romantic gestures are childish. :( I have sent him old fashion Telegrams that said mushy things like he completes me. and monogrammed things like a wallet with his initials and a small sculpture with a romantic little poem and our initials in a heart. I have no idea how to be his kind of “Adult Romantic” if you have any suggestions Please let me know because I truly want to be romantic with him. I did travel to Australia to spend a holiday with him but he has yet to come to me also. not that i mind because i love going to Australia. thanks in advance for any advice. :) Sam.
Hi Sam, thanks for sharing your story – congrats on 10 years, that’s an amazing achievement for an LDR :)
I think the best thing would be to somehow find out what he does think is romantic, or the kind of gestures he does like to receive. I don’t know if you’re in contact with any of his family members or friends, or maybe you could even ask him straight out and just say, look, this is how I know to be romantic, and I want to be romantic with you, so if this isn’t your idea of romance please let me know what is. Or something like that so that you’re both on the same page.
I think the biggest thing about romance is just making some form of gesture to let them know you’re thinking about them, so it doesn’t necessarily have to be a big gesture, small things count too.
I think your best bet in this situation though is to figure out what he does actually think is sweet :)
Hope that helps! All the best to you both XX
Wow such a great story. Im due to relocwte to new zealand and my partner os in south africa. Its stressin d hell out of m3, I don knw hw we gon cope, really.
Thankyou Sinokuphila – and try not to stress too much about your own upcoming move, there are absolutely going to be tough moments where it will be an adjustment settling in, though I promise that it’s worth it and I have a post on tips and tricks for settling in when you move abroad if that would help: http://www.mappingmegan.com/tips-moving-abroad-settling-in/
All the best – think of your move as a new and exciting adventure. It’s always worthwhile if it’s for the love of your life :)
Me my bf online 2 years ago we finally met in madrid we kept our whatsapp skype communication then he visited me in my country after.. then when he traveled back to his country he changed right away as in the day after.. he started the (busy) card i asked him whats happening and i tried to understand he said he s not feeling well as his work is pushy but it didnt make sense so i decided to pull out peacfully it hurts a lot especially after all the effort and feelings i would have appreciated honesty more than knowing nothing
Hi Rash – I’m so sorry to hear that your relationship didn’t work out. I’m totally with you about deserving honesty over being stuffed around. I’m sorry it didn’t work for you.
But there’s someone amazing out there for you, and perhaps the last two years were a period in your life which was building up to when it’ll be the right time to meet the right guy.
Fresh start in 2016 – wishing you all the best X
Nice story po. Very Inspiring
i am 18 years old from philippines… and i am Hoping i can find someone like your story
Thankyou MJ – I wish you all the best in your search for the right person :)
Hi Meg thanks for sharing your story and LDR tips. A lot of people think LDR won’t work Stories like yours inspire people to believe in LDR and motivate them to find the ways to make it work. :)
You’re welcome Liam! Anything I can do to balance out the negative energy which is out there from those who don’t believe!
Thanks for this post!! After the initial “wtf am I doing” when committing to a 16 000 km distance issue, I find blog posts like these so relatable! They bring me hope and comfort, and just prove the point that deciding to make it work is the key.
You’re welcome Mary! I’m glad it could reach you. It’s something which doesn’t normally fit within the mold of what people expect relationships to be, so it’s normal to have those “wtf” moments. But I’m a true believe in anything being possible if you set your mind to it, and if both parties are determined, and it’s not like it used to be where your only form of contact would be snail mail which would take 2 weeks.
Nowadays we have so much technology to make communication a breeze, and distance does force you to talk and get to know each other on what I feel is a much more intimate level than when you’re in the same place and can just go on movie dates.
Best of luck to you! Deciding to make it work and being committed to it is definitely key :)
Hey megan!! I have to say u guys have become an inspiration to me….even i m in a ldr with my girl who lives in namibia and i live in india i met her online….and we now so in love ith each other….she and me both work and its very hard to talk to each other everyday still we find tym to talk with each other….i feel very great when i talk to her…….just wanna thankss for being an inspiration to us
Hi Akshansh! You’re very welcome, I’m so glad that you could find inspiration in this post. Wishing you both all the best -If we can make it work so can you! :)
My husband is trying to help his twin brother. Could u please share this link? Tysm
http://www.gofundme.com/ykapxrnw
Hi Alicia, thanks for sharing your brother in law’s story – have shot out a tweet for you to help spread the word. Hope the campaign manages to get him there!
Hi again Megan !
Last time I posted was roughly 4 months ago ! I met my girlfriend on Omegle and we decided to meet up in Thailand, It turned out to be amazing and so from there I am actually with her again now, In THE US, I have met her family and spent a month here so far !, She is coming back home to Australia with me in a few days and will be having a summer christmas and new years in sydney :)
Thankyou so much again for the motivation it really has been something so beautiful with her
yes , i agree . her love story gives so much confidence in long distance relationship. nd btw me nd my bf also met on Omegle :P ! i feel good to hear from somebody the same story like me.. me nd my bf are going to meet in this january ! i m very excited
Congrats!! I’m so glad to hear that you’re having a fabulous time with her family and it’s all working smoothly!
Wishing you both a wonderful Christmas together and a Happy new year – such a special time of the year to be spending together; so happy for you! :)
Happy holidays XX
My girlfriend is from America and I am from Australia, we met on a chat site one night because we were both bored. After talking for 7 hours straight I discovered that we are the same with ethnicity (Vietnamese) and we are both pre med students and same age (20).
After 5 months of talking we decided to meet In Thailand, her parents would of no way approved of this so we had to plan everything secretly. So for two weeks we are spending time traveling together across Thailand. There were times within the trip where she had to leave my side to do the volunteer work at school to work with disable children. So this is me checking in with one week left with her. The first night meeting her I was absolutely in love with this Individual and as each day comes I begin to fall harder for her.
What really tugs on my heart strings is that we have limited time with each other and it’s hard to keep a positive vibe because we are both emotional about leaving one another when we head back to our homes. Traveling with her and handing people our passports ‘one is Australian’ ‘one is american’ and peoples reaction when they hear us speak when we have different accents.
Even though it’s hard We both wan to give 110% into this long distance relationship and I guess I came pass your site for some motivation.
That was the recap of out story, Anyways I am not in America with her and I have met her family (parents and grand parents) Infact we went on a holiday to New York all together. Its been a wonderful time and she is coming back to Australia with me to meet my family in a week ! will be her first summer christmas and new years !
than you again for all your motivation
So happy for you! I know you’ll have a wonderful Christmas and new years since it will be spent together :)
So happy to hear that it’s working out for you! XX
hey i am ankita from india ,i have a very strange question. i met a guy on a online dating site , he lives in another state in india , he lives in the north and i live in the west.. i proposed him on the very 2nd day of our conversation nd he said yes. ( our first conversation on phone was 5 hours long as well as second . ! )basically its just been 1 month we have met bt we both r so serious abt each other and we r also planning to get marry , i m 20 nd he’s 23. so obviously we won’t marry now bt after 5 to 6 years. But a weird question roams in my mind that how would i knw the person without meeting him.. actually i didnt have this question , my friends asked me this nd after that t keeps roaming in my mind. i talked abt my confusion to him nd he said we both love nd trust each other , that’s all we need let the people say , i wanna marry u nd i will. if u have anythng to say pls tell me
Hi I’m so glad you’ve met someone, it’s really nice that you can feel this connection and closeness, I’d say get to know each other about more before rushing into things. I hope it all goes well for you
Hi Ankita, so glad you have found someone too :) Like Khoi though, my recommendation would be to get to know him properly before rushing into anything.
You can most definitely know someone on an intimate level from chatting back and forth, though I believe that you do need to meet them and spend time with them in person to know if you’re actually compatible. Because people’s personas can be completely different in person to the person they are online. And you can’t gauge how you act together as a couple without having spent time with each other in person.
That’s not to say that your relationship won’t work, but I do think you should let it evolve over time, and that you should definitely at least meet him before committing to the rest of your life :)
Hope that helps! Wishing you all the best X
This is so encouraging! My partner and I have been together for a year after meeting in Vermont. I live in Rhode Island and he lives in Florida. He just got back from three months in Colorado, and I’m going to see him this January.
I really think that our relationship will work out, but it feels so daunting at times because we’re so young (18), with pretty much no money and both of us want to travel, and he’ll be in college soon, and might even be moving to California (along with a lot of other plans for trips within the coming year)
It’s so great to hear stories of long distance relationships working out from avid travelers, because that’s exactly the boat that we’re in/are going to be in.
Do you have any advice for young adults maintaining long distance relationships with travel/school/currently living with our families?
Hi Skye – so happy to hear that our story has been encouraging for you :) If you both love to travel, my advice would be to plan for your trips to be together.
Yes, 18 is very young to know that someone is the one, because you’ll both change a lot over the next few years as you start to become fully independent adults, but that’s not to say that it won’t work for you. I think the biggest thing is going to be keeping your lines of communication open, and spending as much time with each other as you possibly can – your experiences over the next few years really start to shape the adult you become, so if you can share some of those experiences together through travel, I think this will help with not growing apart.
Having very set goals, and something to look forward to also helps, and even if that’s just knowing the next time you’ll see each other, this makes it feel less intimidating and overwhelming.
Without letting it deter you from dedicating yourself to making the relationship work, I think that I would accept that because you’re both so young anything could happen later down the road, but know that you’ll be fully committed to making it work for as long as it works. It’s hard, sure, but talking on the phone every night and planning to meet up every 3-4 months on a 2 week trip became our new normal.
So do know that it’s absolutely possible, and despite what other people may tell you (because you will have people that doubt it’ll work), if you’re both happy with each other then that’s all that matters to making this work. Don’t let other people get in your head with their negativity.
Hope that helps!!
This is one of the most amazing stories! It’s crazy because I’m in a long distance international relationship as well, however, I’m from America and he’s the one from Australia. Just over a year in and just got engaged a couple months ago. 10 months left until our big day and a whole long list of obstacles to get through until then but your story gave me lots of positivity and hope! Congratulations to you both!
Thankyou Kayla! And congratulations on your engagement! Are you planning on coming here to Aus or is he planning on joining you in the US?
We did the visa process as me heading to the States on a Fiance Visa, getting married there and then applying for a green card (change of residency). If that’s similar to what you’ve got planned feel free to send me an email and I’d be happy to send you an overview of our visa process if it helps. (meganjerrard@gmail.com)
Congrats!
A long distance relationship is very much possible. We will be celebrating our 7th anniversary this coming January. Being of a more advanced age than most of your readers I have the benefit of being in this relationship after 30 years of having done it the “normal” way. My personal experience is that “long-distance” is more honest, more intense, more inclusive, and more varied. The times we do spend together – we remain in a LAT relationship – are totally dedicated to “us” and it is like the early days of courtship time and time again. It is not for every relationship, but if you have found true love, than this long distance working at a relationship makes that love literally “out of this world”. After 7 years we are still overwhelmed by how good this is for both of us.
Congratulations MG on 7 years! So glad to hear that you’ve found a partner and a relationship which works perfectly for you :) I totally agree with you that long distance makes a relationship a lot more honest and intense.
I feel like the fact that long distanced forced us to communicate and get to know each other on a much more intimate level than we would have had the opportunity to if we were located in the same city. And I totally agree that it makes the time you spend together so much more inclusive – it really does keep the courtship period of the relationship alive for so much longer than if it was a “normal” setup.
Massive congrats – so happy to hear from you :) All the best to you both in 2016.
Thank u for ur nice words i hope so too.. Happy new year?
Would you please help gay distance love???
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016
Wishing you will not laugh and don’t think bad.
I’m so happy by knowing about your successful love :-)
Which gives me strength that I will must get my love one day with me physically (^._.^)
Wishing you all the best wishes
Hi Amit, I’m so glad to hear that our story gives you strength :)
I would give you the same tips to apply to gay long distance as our long distance – make the cornerstone of your relationship communication, set up video chat where-ever possible, this really does help being able to see each other even if it’s not physically, and keep the romance alive through sweet and creative gestures even if you are far apart.
Wishing you both the best of luck. Have a wonderful new year too :)
Hi Megan, I wanted to update you and the other readers on my LDR. In a nutshell, back in September 2015 I traveled to Dubai, turned on Tinder app, matched someone, didn’t start chatting with him until I was back in the US. 3 weeks after chatting he came to meet me in October, everything was wonderful and we had an instant connection. In November I went back to Dubai to visit him that’s when we both realized we were in love with each other. I went back to visit for New Years Eve week. It has been the most amazing experience and we are both deeply in love. So in love that now we are getting married February 7th. He is coming to the US and we are eloping in Vegas. Then at the end of February I am going to Dubai for 4 months and do school full time during the spring semester. Unfortunately I have to be back in the US to sort out my US Citizenship. I am currently a resident alien and can only be outside of the US no more than 6 months per year. But I have already filed my application for citizenship and have done my biometrics and just waiting for my citizenship interview date. In a short period of time we have taken all the steps that will enable us to be together. It’s incredible that my soulmate lives on the other side of the world but destiny brought us together. I love my soon to be husband so much because he makes me laugh, accepts me for who I am and takes care of me like no one ever has. I am going to marry my soulmate. I want everyone out there with a LDR to not give up on their love just because they can’t be together right away. I am hopeful that my US citizenship will be approved so I can be with my love without restrictions. But if not, I will spend at least 6 months out of the year with him. Thanks Megan for such a wonderful blog.
Hi Jan, massive congrats!! Thanks for updating us on your LDR, such an amazing thing to have found your soul mate!
Sounds like you have everything pretty well planned out and under control. The waiting period for visas etc is the biggest stress, though it’s having solid plans and knowing when you’ll see each other again etc that I found kept us sane.
Wishing you all the best in your life together, and all the best for the wedding. We stayed in Hotel 32 while in Vegas which is an exclusive two floors at the top of the Monte Carlo. Can highly recommend their rooms for a honeymoon suite if you’re still deciding where to stay; penthouse suite was amazing!
Congrats again, so happy for you both XX
Hi Megan,
Thanks for this wonderful post. It has brought me some comfort that me and my significant will push through the years. As I write this now, I am 3 days away from boarding a flight without any certainty of coming back to this country but I’m sure we’ll be just fine. Congratulations on your wedding (Albeit, late).
Hi Saira, I’m so glad that our story could bring you comfort – I truly believe that if two people are meant to be you can make anything work :)
I can’t describe it, but there was just something about being with Mike that made me feel certain everything would work despite the obstacles that laid ahead, and that made everything we went through worthwhile. Sounds like you have that same certainty about your relationship, so I’m sure everything will work out.
Safe travels home – wishing you both all the best X
I love these stories – I am trying a “long distence love”. i’m a bit akeptical – but these stories make me feel better – I am going through divorce and need person I met here to cuddle with once in awhile – tell me everything will be ok –
He tells me but still wwnt hugs… I almost started pushing him away thinking long Distance isn’t for me – will take one day at a time.
Love stories’
Pam
Thanks Pam :) I’m sorry to hear about your divorce, though glad to hear that you’ve found someone whose company you enjoy.
Taking one day at a time is sometimes the best way to approach difficult situations like these, though don’t push him away until you’ve given it a chance. I’ve found that if we’re willing to try new experiences and let ourselves be open to the possibilities, life generally surprises us with a plan better than anything we could have thought up on our own.
Wishing you all the best X
I’m in Sydney and currently in a LDR with the most amazing guy who’s Scottish. He recently came for a holiday and has just left and I miss him so so much :'( We met whilst I was on exchange at his University at the beginning of last year so we got to spend a good half year together before half a year of separation. I’m not sure when I’ll see him next. He’s applied for my Uni for exchange for July but it’s really competitive and I’m too scared to get my hopes up about that. It sucks so much not having a solid date to look forward to before seeing him again :'(
Hi Alice, congrats on finding your guy!! And I totally understand what you’re going through in that it sucks being apart and not having a solid date. If there’s any way you could both plan some kind of vacation to see each other in the interm, even if it’s halfway, I found that really helps in having something to look forward to.
Best thing you can do at this point though is to enjoy getting to know each other more intimately over Skype, video chat, Facetime etc. As ridiculously hard as it is being apart, I found that being forced to communicate over the phone at the start made us stronger because communication had to be the foundation of our relationship, and we got to know each other much better than I feel we would have if we were to have been dating normally.
I try and focus on those kind of positives and not let myself get weighed down too much in the negative feelings of missing their physical touch.
Wishing you both all the best – I’ll put good thoughts out into the world that he gets the spot at your uni :)
XX
I often checkup on this blog, and re-read often as I begin to think about how I’ll be able to move in with my boyfriend in Hungary, for I am a US citizen, we are finding this extremely difficult because the fact I wouldn’t know how to tell my parents. Traveling at a fresh age of 18 is exciting yet scary for the family I’m leaving behind to Persue my life with the man of my dreams. In only 6 weeks I’ll be able to apply for my passport, then find the right date to book a plane ticket and find what I need and pack my bags (hoping I have enough space for my essentials lol) then I’m going on a working visa with him, and hopefully later think into possible marriage. Since a working visa allows me to stay for a year, each year getting it renewed and so on. Any tips at this point helps me immensely. Especially with my anxiety, lol. I just honestly don’t know what to do as to telling my family. They were never into long distance relationships, and don’t want me traveling until I’m in my later twenties, which seems a bit unfair. But I’m so thankful I’ve come across this blog.. It really does inspire and calm many people here, having something relatable and to look up to.
Hi there, although I am older than you, my mother was really hesitant about my long distance relationship. I remember the first time I mentioned it to her she said “I will die if you move to another country” she was a bit dramatic but I think any parent would feel that way about the situation. I went to visit my boyfriend 2 times and each time I came back to the U.S. happier and more in love with him. My mom now comments how she’s never seen me so happy before and she’s very happy for me and accepts that I will be moving to another country. In the end family and friends want us to be happy. You are very young, why don’t you try visiting your lover for a few months to test the waters. Take a couple of trips to see him. Meet him halfway in another country. I think that would give you and your family reassurance that moving there permanently is a good idea. Best of luck.
This is wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing. Please post updates of your progress. I recently met someone a few days ago I practically similar manner and was curious to see online what others experiences had been!
Congrats Angela on meeting someone special! Feel free to reach out with any questions or comments you may have in the future. Mike and I managed to pull off a happy ending – we have been married now since 2013 and traveling full time together, now settled in Australia. Proof that it is absolutely possible to achieve happiness via long distance and have it work out in the end :)
I like to think that the more we are open to possibilities in life, the more “impossible” possibilities will happen.
All the best!
Meg,
What a amazing story. I recently met a man online who’s from Denmark. Interesting thing, his job has him to frequent the US and if he wanted to transfer, it wouldn’t be a difficult task. Although our online connection is fairly new, there’s part of me open and another part hesitatant because it’s different. I’ve had long distance relationships but never experienced it internationally. We both really like each other and want to get to know each other more. I’m trying to focus on enjoying the moment and if it’s meant to be, things will fall into place. Your story has given me confidence about the possibility of having a successful international relationship. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Warmest Regard,
Janera
Hi Janera
Thanks for your comment – and congrats on finding someone you click with! Don’t be hesitant because it’s different. Nothing spectacular ever fits the mold of “normal” or “conventional”.
I’m glad we could give you confidence from our story, you’ve got the right mindset to be open to the possibility, and just focus on enjoying the moment for now. I’ve never found that anything works well when it’s forced, so as difficult as it is to just go with it and see what unfolds, this really is the best way when you’re starting out. Get to know each other more, and enjoy your conversations. Meet up when you can and let your relationship unfold.
I’ve always found that reality can be so much better than any dream if you let life do it’s thing!
All the best
Meg
Great story. I met my American man online about a year ago – I’m from West Australia. We finally met face to face in the UK last month where we spent a wonderful week together. I actually came here looking for help with US immigration as I will be moving there after we both visit each others families later this year. Most of the comments I’ve received have been positive. Possibly has something to do with the remoteness of WA and the expectation that everyone travels as everywhere is a long way away!
Anyway congratulations on your love, marriage and great website. I’ll be looking out for the immigration advice!
Thanks Merry :) and congrats! Shoot me an email at meganjerrard@gmail.com and I’ll send you my experience with immigration. I haven’t got it up on the blog yet, though I’ve emailed a few people who have commented here asking about immigration already, so I have a write up I can send you in the hope it helps some.
All the best!
Reading your story gives me hope, I am dating a guy who lives in New York and I am in South Africa and we meet online, we have so much in common. We love each other so much. I now believe we can make it. Thank you!!!
I’m so glad to hear that Elizabeth! Wishing you both all the best :)
Hi Megan i really love reading ur love story and it makes me cry bcz i was in a long distance relationship hes american and im filipina we met in korea and i was back in the philippi es and we see each for almost 5 years a d 5 months now but soon hes coming here in the philippimes, we always talks tru a phone a d sending emails everyday i just wanna ask you about what can you say about he say about tru txt to me recently and it goes like this Babe maybe you and i will have are lade of good voyage thats what i wanted to do when i come to the phillipines that would be nice to pour our love with each other and to god. that’s what he told me what do you think i wanna knw what is it i was thingking of a proposal but i wa’st sure yet i dnt want to sound so assuming but thts what i was thingking of it what can u say about this thank u hope to hear frm u and mike best wishes
Hi there Megan
this wa really acctually my someone special say Babe maybe yo and i can go to our lade of good voyage sit and talk i would like to do that when i come to the philippines that would be nice to pour our hearts out of infront of each other and god. tht it and he always says he see me and him being together and he always listen i adore you by miley cyrus and he thingking of it tht i was singing tht song to him but the songs pertain about being together iwith a matrimony so i was just wanna knw wat do u think it is hope to hear frm u may god bless ur marrage.
Hi Gina, thanks for reaching out – congrats on finding someone you care for!
If he is saying that he wants to declare your love to each other before God, I would guess that does means marriage. I could be wrong, though I can’t imagine that meaning much else.
Hope that helps!
Hi, im having problems with my family about my long distance relationship. im 17 and im from Australia, Perth, Wa and my girlfriend (love of my life) is 18 from Jacksonville, Florida. i’ve alway been told that im too young for a long distance relationship, we’ve been dating for about a month now. we met on tumbler *yeah i didn’t expect that*. im not sure what to do i really love her and i can see myself with her. Am i crazy? stuped?
Hi Harrison, thanks for reaching out – and congrats on finding someone you love! You’re not stupid or crazy, yes, 17 is very young, because you do have to understand that each of you are still in the process of growing and changing into the person you will become. But many people have found the love of their lives at that age, so there’s never any hard or fast rule.
While negativity from your closest circles of family and friends sucks (been there, totally feel you!), it’s important to remember that they do actually care for you which is why they’re probably not behind something they just don’t understand. It’s always difficult for people to understand situations which are outside of the norm for them.
The thing which is most important to making this work is your beliefs, and hers. Let your family know that you appreciate their opinions, however for right now this is the path you’re choosing to take. If the relationship lasts, it will take them time to come around to it, but if this is what’s meant to be then they’ll eventually see that you’re happy and back down.
Because you’re very young I would advise that you just take it slowly. Enjoy getting to know each other, have phone conversations, video chats, send letters etc etc. Don’t put too much pressure on it and just see where it goes.
Have realistic expectations that this is going to be hard, that your family doesn’t understand it, and that you are very young, so who knows what could happen later down the track. But if it feels right for now there’s nothing crazy or stupid in investing in this person and seeing where it goes.
Wishing you all the best X
Hi Meg,
Your story is a beautiful one and i am happy it worked out well.My name is kristen and I live in guyana. I am a 25 year old journalist. Almost one month ago I met a guy named Kevin from Canada who was vacationing in my country.i met him through a mutual friend on his last evening here hours before he flew out and only spent one hour talking but exchanged numbers and emails.we speak every days via whatsapp since and have gotten really close.he has never had a long distance relationship before and we are due to have “a talk” soon as to what we want etc.he does plan to come to guyana this year again and I have to apply for my Canadian visa but we are attracted to each other and get along amazingly.what do I propose to him?helpppp :(
Hi Kristen
Congrats on finding someone you click with so well! I would sit down and make a list of the different options which you could make work, ie meeting up in different locations, you getting a visa for Canada, him coming to you etc, and then propose each of those options in your phone call depending on what he says he wants.
A long distance relationship is less overwhelming if you can come up with a few different ideas for making it work; if you both realize that there are many different choices/options then it will make you feel as though at least one of them can pan out.
So I would make a list and propose them all, telling him there’s at least 3 or 4 ways we can go about it and which does he prefer? etc.
Hope it all works out!
hey meg,
reading your story really gave me hope n motivation bk to keep my long distance (overseas) relationship gng.
u said it right… long distance relationships work if u want them to.. my story still hs a long way to go..n i really want it to work..
wish you a beautiful life vz ur love..
Hi Vinu, I’m so glad that we could provide you with motivation to keep your relationship going. It’s definitely a difficult process, though it’s one which is so rewarding and worthwhile in the end if you can see it through.
Wishing you all the best :)
hi, meg. Your story is amazing and I am happy for your marriage :)
at the moment, I am in a long distance and it is so hard. We have been together for 8 months and the last time we met was before Christmas. We have been apart for almost 3 moths. We still dont know when we will see each other again. Of course, we text every day and talk on the Skype sometimes. Both of us really hope it will work out.
When it comes to long distance, do you think that either one has to come to compromise in the end ?
Hi Minnie, thanks for reaching out, I’m so glad we could inspire you with our story.
Yes, long distance is definitely hard. Though I do believe it’s absolutely worthwhile for not having to settle for anyone less than the one you truly love.
When it comes down to it in the end, one of you will have to ultimately make the decision to move. That may not have to be for a year, or two, but to actually be together one of you will have to be willing to start a new life in a new country. For me, picking up and leaving Australia for the US didn’t feel like a compromise though, it was something I was in the position to do so it worked. And likewise for Mike 3 years later moving to Australia.
I would write up a list of possible options for when/how/who could move and go from there. Ive found it’s much less overwhelming when you have a physical piece of paper and can look at everything from almost a more practical view :)
Hope that helps!
Wow your story is amazing and so inspiring- I’m also an Aussie in an ldr with a guy in America (plot twist, he’s a refugee!)…it sometimes seems so impossible that it can actually work, and I’ve just discovered the dark jungles of visa applications…this was a sunshine Ray when I really needed one, and I’m so so glad to know that there can still be hope if I’m crazy enough to go after it :’) thanks so much x
Thankyou Grace! There’s definitely hope if you’re crazy enough to go after it haha I was and I’m so happy that I put in the hard yards and worked through it to come through hand in hand with Mike at the end.
Feel free to hit me up via email if you have any questions about US visas – it’s a dark rabbit hole which will cause frequent headaches, but you’ll get through it! I entered on the Fiance K1 visa and then changed my resiency status after getting married in the states, so if you’re thinking about taking that route shoot me an email and I can send you a write up on my experience.
meganjerrard@gmail.com
Best of luck!
Hello Megan,
My girlfriend and I are currently enduring a long distance relationship. She is from Scotland and I the states. She is very new to the whole idea to long distance as whole and I am not.
Recently we had an argument about the idea of “us” which wasn’t so much an argument as it was her telling her opinions and I not knowing what to say as to remedy the situation.
Is there any advice you have for me to help?
Sincerely, Car
Ps. I loved your article!
Hi Cae
Thanks for reaching out – sorry to hear you both recently had an argument. It can be a really tough situation to deal with sometimes, especially when it’s something that is outside of your comfort zone and it’s your first time experiencing it. So that’s where her opinions are likely coming from.
My best advice would be to do everything you can to assure her that you do think it’s worthwhile and you do think she is worthwhile, and you hope that she feels the same way. Let her know that you’re fully invested in making the relationship work despite the difference and then hopefully your assurance will at least remedy any doubts.
It sounds like communication is so critical for you guys at the moment, so don’t let long periods of time go where you don’t speak. Try and make sure you’re communicating daily if you can, because that’s what really established a strong connection for Mike and myself, and what kept us going. We would have fights about doubts when we would go for long periods of time without talking, ie when I was on a trip or traveling somewhere.
I think the best thing you can do is to keep assuring her that you’re invested, and work on a plan as to when you’re seeing each other next which will give you both something to look forward to.
Hope that helps some. All the best to the both of you XX
Thank you for your sharing of your story Megan, I feel that you share your story with strong passionate to encourage to those who are worrying about the long distance relationship.
I met this guy in January on dating site while he was waiting for e-visa in Singapore to visit my country. I’m staying in Myanmar and he is from America. Our country is one of his planning countries during Asia tour for 3 months.The first day we met wasn’t that clicked, it ended up normal. But after 2 or 3 times we met, we planned to travel to beach for few days. Before we travel together, he went to other city for a week and we kept texting and planning to visit the beach together. It was really amazing chemistry that we had which he also said often that we have lot of chemistry. Frankly, I felt insecure being together with a guy who doesn’t want a relationship but as a friend. We had very great time in bed. Long story short, we has been together for about 2 weeks, but he didn’t move forward to the relationship title but special friends. His excuse is it is not fair for both of us to tie with relationship, so that I can date with others. But after the beach trip, he started telling me to visit him to know how the people are staying and working in America since I’m from Asia he wanted me up know the lifestyle of American. He seriously wanted me to visit US and asked to get visa since he left from our country. Good news is that my visa was granted last week ago, so that I’ll visit to America in April, visiting friends in LA and Phoenix. He’ll drive all the way from Chicago to Phoenix and show me around and going to Las Vegas and take me to Chicago for 1 week. I don’t know what is in his mind about me Megan, he said that he scare to marry and keep me only as a special friend. On the other hand, he is really care about me and even determined more than my past boyfriends who are geographically close and same citizen. So, negative sense always came into my mind that this guy will never commit me and is it right decision to visit him!! Hoping to get your positive ideas and some inspirational words.
Love,
Ei
Hi Ei, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I’m glad that you enjoyed reading mine.
My advice would be to go to America and spend time with him, and see what happens after that. It sounds like you’ve got friends in America that you’re meeting in addition to him right? Go and have fun, and when you spend time with him there, if your chemistry is still there, then start having conversations about how to make a relationship work. If you’re meeting up with other friends etc and enjoying the country as a tourist too, you have lots of reasons to spend time in America, and the fact that he’s there is a bonus.
If he’s willing to drive all the way from Chicago to Phx, that says to me that he really likes you, but he’s probably just not committing because he thinks long distance is too difficult or is scared. If your time in America goes well, who knows, he might be convinced that it’s worth it!
Talk openly with him about it when you’re there – tell him exactly what you want, and see where he stands. Maybe if he know that you’re willing to do a long distance relationship, he might decide to go with you.
And if it doesn’t work out in the end, you’ve spent time with your friends, seen some of the United States, and spent some wonderful time with a special friend and then you can move on.
Either way, I would say to visit America and then go from there :)
Happy travels! All the best X
Well i read your story and it’s really amazing but I need your help here little bit because as I am moving to America in 2 months and my love don’t want me to go away from her and due to some circumstances she cannot come with me and she is saying that “now there are only 2 months left so we must stop talking so that I can control at the day you go” and I don’t think we can break up easily help me to keep out relationship stronger….
Hi Dhruvu
Thanks for reaching out – I’m sorry to hear that you have to move away and that she can’t come with you. How long are you moving for? If it is only for a year, or only to study for a few years where you could return home and see each other on holidays, a long distance relationship can definitely work if you both want it to.
If you’re moving permanently to America and she can’t come with you it might be a bit more difficult, but it could still work. I think you need to talk with her and if you really want to stay together, reassure her that that is how you feel, and that you’ll do everything in your power to make a long distance relationship work because you believe that your love is strong enough.
I think it really comes down to convincing her that a long distance relationship can be done, and that you want to do it to stay together.
I wish you all the best X
Thnx for the advice
I am really happy for you. Me and my boyfriend have been doing long distance for 1 and a half year now. We broke up twice but we got back together again. There were so many times i wanted to give up and don’t know how else to make it work. But I’m glad to say i think we have learned a lot.. and have been doing better ever since. Theres so many things to work on and theres no immediate benefit and most of the times you’re more upset and sad than happy but we cannot let the frustration, impatience and sadness win. We have about 10 more month to go before we can live in the same city again. I really hope we can make it through.
Thankyou Svet! And thankyou for sharing your experience. You are absolutely right -you cannot let the frustration, impatience and sadness win. I know that 10 months is a long time to wait, but it’s a good thing that you have a set date to look forward to, because it means you know that there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel, and you can actually count down the months / days as opposed to not knowing if you’ll ever be in the same place together.
Wishing you both all the best – I really hope you make it through too :) … stay strong and you’ll get through the 10 months. It’ll be hard, but it’ll be worth it :)
Thank you for sharing your story Megan,Well i am going through the same phase now.me n my boyfriend we both are from India but from different states, we met on some social network,we liked each other from very 1st day but no 1 dare to propose.then finally i proposed him on IMO few days back and the best part we r in truely deeply in love with each other.we used to talk all day 24*7 but the sad part he went to Texas for 18 months have some office work.we hav’t met yet but we have decided to get married once he is back.its really very difficult to live like this coz we have time difference also.M just hoping for the best for us.
Hi Shruti, thankyou for sharing your story. As long as you keep the lines of communication open and keep in touch with each other consistently, it’ll make it easier on you to make it through. 18 months is a long time, but if you’re both invested in each other and willing to make it work, you can make it work :)
Mike and I had a pretty large time difference between us too, from Australia to the United States, so I completely understand that. We would set aside specific times each day that we knew we would call, so it made it easier to get into a routine.
Wishing you both all the best XX
Thank you Megan?
Megan, I loved your story!
I’m going through a difficult life hurdle and in desperation, resorted to google. I stumbled upon your article when I was googling ‘should you fall in love with someone overseas’. I would really appreciate your advice if you wouldn’t mind reaching out. My boyfriend broke up with me after a three year relationship, very out of the blue. In a bid to retain some normality to my life, I decided to go on a overseas trip around Bali with my girlfriends. Then, I met this guy from Norway on one of the Island’s off Bali and he followed me back to the mainland. We spent five days together. He is amazing, and we get along really well, and have similar interests. We even talked about meeting up again. Thus, we exchanged phone numbers and talked on Skype while he continued to travel around Bali and I went back home to Australia. My feelings for him have grown so much more since being back, and we talk on Skype almost every night for 2 hours easy. He is the perfect guy, and I can see myself falling for him (if I haven’t already). We’re organising a trip for me to go to Norway BUT my ex boyfriend wants to get back together and is swooping my off my feet…but I don’t know for how long. He was in a bad state mentally when we broke up, and is much better now. He’s tells me that he regrets the day he broke up with me, and will for the rest of his life. He hates how he made me feel, and now wants to see the world with me. So long story (sorry, very long) short, I need to book flights to decide whether to go over to Norway and see him again, and risk it not working out at all. OR stay in Australia with my ex who is determined to make it work. I have a week to think about this….can you please shed some light on what to do, because I am wrecking my brain at the moment.
I should also clear this up- I am 21 years old and currently in my third year at University studying a Bachelor of Laws.
Hi Liz, thanks for reaching out. From what I can gather, it sounds like you’re already hooked on the Norway guy. My best advice is to go with your gut instinct about which guy is the best fit for you, leaving aside the fact that it would be easier to get back with your ex because he’s in the same city. Take location completely out of the equation and make your decision based on the merit of the guys. Because you absolutely CAN make a long distance relationship work if you both want it to, and if it’s for the right person, it’s absolutely worthwhile.
My biggest advice would be to not settle for ordinary. Getting back with your ex is definitely the easy path. But sometimes the harder path reaps far greater rewards.
I don’t know how you feel, but from reading everything on a surface level, I think that if you don’t go to Norway you’re always going to wonder what if. And even if it falls apart and doesn’t work out, you’re never going to look back when you’re older and regret not having given it a go.
It sounds like you’re confused by the ex perhaps out of some kind of guilt or feeling sorry for him, or wanting to hold onto the history that you both have, or because he’s the safe bet. But if this other guy truly is amazing then you need to take the risk.
I truly believe that we don’t meet people by accident, that they are meant to cross our paths for a reason. So I think you owe it to yourself to explore where this could go.
But ultimately you should trust your gut, because I think we always know, deep down, what we truly want to do, it’s just difficult making the decision when there are complicating factors in play.
Hope that helps!
What I find difficult is him not telling me his flight details before flying and then calling me an hour later(!) He has called me and emailed me several times – but I won’t see him for at least 6 months…… any comments?
Hi Debra – I’m not sure I fully understand, are you saying that you met someone and wren’t aware that they were flying back overseas until he actually did it?
If the guy is worth it, and you do want a relationship with him, I would aim to go long distance – though I would have a discussion and make it clear that you were a bit hurt by not having known that he was taking off. Perhaps he thought that it would be easier that way, or perhaps he was just being really inconsiderate. I would have a discussion with him to find out which it was, and then make a decision about continuing with the relationship based on how well your convo goes.
Hope that helps!
Yo, mine is breaking up with me after a month unless i get prettier on Cam and better in bed… What should do??
Love Layla xx
Honestly? Dump him for being an asshole and find someone who actually respects you.
Hello Megan,
Hope you are doing well.
I dont know what to do,my boyfriend parents are not ready for our marriage,they told him if you want to marry her you can go ahead but after dat never ever try to contact us,i dont want just because of me his parents will stop talkimg to him.i love him n he loves me too,we have planned to live in together.i am totally confused how to make them agree for our marriage.
Thnx so much Meg.. I get what your saying and i appreciate your advice.
xx Laylay
Hi Shruti, thanks for reaching out. Sorry to hear about your situation. Whether or not he stays with you or listens to his parents is a decision that he needs to make. You should have a conversation with him that you understand what a difficult decision it is, and that you don’t want to be the reason he is cut off from his family, but that ultimately it is his decision and because you love him you will respect whichever way he decides to go.
If he decides to make the break from his family, that needs to be his decision and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it if it’s what he decides. But you should have a very honest conversation and tell him that you don’t want to find yourself in a situation where he blames you for it down the road.
So talk to each other and communicate, but let him make the decision and give him as much time as he needs to make it.
I really hope it all works out well for you both XX
Thanks for sharing your story. I have just returned from 3 months abroad in England and there I have met my love. (I’m from America). He’s graduating this year and has a two year contract with his employer. So we must be apart for two years, since I can’t move to the states because of my job.
Many of my friends have been negative about it. I’m honestly even too afraid to tell them he’s my boyfriend. It’s already difficult with the disapproval from my friends. I guess they just don’t understand how well we really hit it off (just like your story). What can I do to make them understand? Any advice?
Hi Jessica, congrats on meeting your guy! The biggest advice I can give you for dealing with the negativity from family and friends is to make a vow not to let it affect you. Don’t let negative energy creep in no matter what you do. It’s hard, but it gets easier over time, and as your relationship goes on and they start getting used to the idea the negative remarks start to die down.
Chances are he’s dealing with negativity too, so talk to him about it. Find the one friend who understands, or at least doesn’t judge you for it, and use them as the person you can talk to.
They’re negative because they don’t understand the situation. And because they care about you. The best thing you can do is to tell them that you love them for looking out for you, but that you know this is the right thing for you.
I found that after a lot of my friends actually met Mike when he came and visited, the negativity died down a lot. Because they could see us together and put a face to him.
So hang in there, and just know that the only person who can judge whether or not it’s right is you.
All the best XX
Hello Megan,
Thank you soo much for rplyng,well yesterday only he told me he has decided to come back to India may be next year in January he will come back and its his life and he has decided to live with me.I know his parents will agree one day.?
Hi Shruti, thanks for keeping me updated :) It’s a hard situation, but if that’s his decision, make sure you don’t ever feel guilty about him choosing you. You gave him the space and the freedom to choose his own path, and he chose you :) If his parents truly love him they’ll realize that they’re making a huge mistake by cutting him out, and will hopefully one day come around. You can’t control your children and there comes a stage where you have to trust them to make their own decisions and let them go.
Wishing you both all the best in your life together :) XX
Hi Meg, just love your story real inspiring to write this. i met the love of my life on a christian dating site in August 2015 and we became friends on Facebook. We chat together for the first time and we got along great after a wile,I realized we had a lot in common together and later on we were best friends. She is from Cameroon and I am from America. Our long distance relationship is hard but we are praying for us to meet in person and to break the distance between us and be together fervor despite any negativity from friends and family because we have to keep each other in secret until the time comes. We both love each other very much and we are meant to be together happily married. I am a college student studying for my degree and she is a primary schoolteacher, I am 30 years old and she is 28 years old. I am planning to finish school by the end of the year and can get a good job and save money to travel to be with her. She is my everything and we never gave up on each other because we have each other in our hearts and we believe in God to bring us closer
Hi Anthony! Thanks for sharing your story – and congrats on meeting the love of your life :) It sounds like you have a solid plan which is the most important part to making it through a long distance relationship. As long as you have goals and a set path where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, that’s what gets you through. Knowing that there is a realistic scenario where you will both be together in the near future is what you can hold onto to get you through the tough days.
Negitivty from family and friends will come. Don’t hold it against them, just realize that it’s because they don’t understand. But by the same token don’t let it affect you. Because the only person who knows how strong your relationship is is you :)
Wishing you both all the best XXX
Your story is so inspiring. I actually met my ex husband online and we were together for 12 years. Now, 4 years post-separation, and after dating a few douchebags I met conventionally here, I have finally met an amazing man online. I am in Australia and he is 14,000 miles away in Sth America. We have such similar ideals on love and life and we are in love. We have hopes to meet half-way’ish in my homeland Chile, where he won’t need student or working visas. He obviously can’t move here cos we haven’t lived together for 12 months, so we’re working as hard as possible to make it happen in Chile, soon. Thanks for sharing your story Megan, I’m actually fed up with all the jokes and negative comments I get from acquaintances and friends both near and abroad. None of them seem to believe in LDR’s and doubt his intentions. I can say we spend half of our days together as we are both currently job searching (imagine the stress of wanting to save to travel to be together but you’re jobless!) when we were both working we’d spend a few hours on the phone/web cam everyday, now it’s around 3 hours chatting, one hour video chatting and another 3 on the phone either talking or watching movies together which is something we both love to do, big movie buffs hehe… your story has uplifted me and given me so much peace knowing that we’re not the only couple in the world in the same situation, and although we have never seen each other physically, our love is deeper than most couples who are together. We have such a profound and beautiful connection, emotionally and spiritually. I can say I have met the man I’ve been waiting for all my life :) I wish you and Mike all the best.
Hi Karina, thanks for sharing your story – it sounds like you both have a wonderful connection!! Congrats on finding your soul mate :)
I’m so sorry to hear you have to put up with negativity and sarcastic remarks from friends and family. But don’t let their doubts influence the way you feel, because there are others out there in your same situation making it work every day, and the only person who knows whether or not a relationship is right for you is you. The negativity is because they don’t understand, and people are often skeptical or even afraid of what they don’t understand.
Long distance relationship definitely isn’t the easiest path, but if you know in your heart that you’ve found the one you love, it’s definitely the most worthwhile. Hold onto it and do everything in your power to make it work.
Wishing you both all the best XX
Megan,
Thanks so much for your encouragement! I met an amazing woman from Indonesia a few months ago, and though I live in Oklahoma , I’ve been there to see her times in the span of 3 months, our relationship coming up on 7 months now.
It’s been amazing to me how I can dwelling so close and trust someone so much who lives so far away.
We send each other gifts all the time to surprise one another and other brings such a smile. I try to make sure she gets flowers every month, at least.
We were recently able to spend a whoever week together and it was so ebjoyable, but the desire to be together was renewed before I even touched down here in the US.
Communication is so very important. Skype, email and what’s app have been incredible.
We’re struggling a little right now because of a legal issue with me, causing her to wonder if we’re wasting our time. It could potentially prevent me from sponsoring her. It’s been difficult. But we’re still working on it, she said “yes” when I asked her to be my wife.
As you say, if you want it to be bad enough then chances are you can make it happen. You have to chase your dreams instead of letting your fears chase you! I love her so very much and I gotta believe that love will find a way. Thanks again for sharing!
Darrin
Wow.. so many typos! I apologize! Guess I shouldn’t eat lunch and type at same time! I hope it makes sense! Lol…
Hi Darrin
Thanks for sharing your story, congrats on having found the woman of your dreams!
It sounds like you guys are dealing with along distance pretty well, being able to see each other often, and staying on top of communicating via Skype and email etc. Sorry to hear about your legal issue, I’m hoping there’s a way around it for you.
From my own research I think it’s a bit easier to bring an international spouse into the US and claim citizenship for them once you’ve already been married for at least 3 years. So perhaps if the States proves to be a big obstacle straight up, you could consider options like basing yourself in Indonesia for 3 years at which stage you could both consider lodging the paperwork to move back to the States.
As difficult and overwhelming as the legalities of making an international relationship work are, there are always different options you can consider if your plan A falls through :)
Wishing you all the best X
When I was in a long distance relationship I figure I either go broke with calling cards or we move closer so when I found out I could call her through the internet my life changed, now I stay in contact with my family all over thee world.
Absolutely Darren – the internet is a godsend for long distance relationships! It changed my life when I realized that apple had this thing called Facetime – basically free video calls like Skype but on apple devices. Now we use our iPads and phones to make free video calls and we can talk face to face no matter where we are located in the world :)
hey! thanks for making me believe! i met him almost 6 months now and we spent just 9/10 hours together until he needed to catch his flight, he was just visiting my country. and it was the most perfect night i ever had. we don’t speak that much because he’s not a very phone person and everything else social media and communication apps. back then he told me the most beautiful thing that he believes we were attracted somehow to each other by universe forces and if it is meant to be, we will meet again, without any plans. when i told him i was actually moving to his country after finishing uni this year, that it is my dream since forever, his eyes sparkled (from that moment, i think he thought this could really be something special that really could happen). so it’s been a struggle, not getting so much talking from him and have to wait what it looks to be a lifetime. 6 months done, maybe 5 more to go, i don’t know yet. but i’m scared of moving, of becoming finally independent, of entering on the adulthood life. before i leave, i need to get everything arranged (a place to stay, a job, and what else), i can’t take too much risks. but your story made me stronger and made me believe that when i move it really will happen and i won’t have a heartbreak and that everything will be alright and work out, not just the love part, but everything else (a new life in a new country), hopefully, so thanks a lot :’) x
Hi some girl :) Thankyou for sharing your story, it sounds like you’ve met a really wonderful person. And it’s very serendipitous that you would have the chance to move to his country after having met in such a chance encounter :)
My biggest advice would be to never let the fear of the unknown hold you back. Moving abroad when you haven’t done anything like this before can be a scary time, but I promise that it will be the most rewarding experience of your life. It will be difficult, and there will be a learning curve, and you will undoubtedly face many challenges along the way, but I truly believe that the hardest things in life are the most rewarding, and you can only achieve something exceptional if you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone and take risks.
I always try to remember when making a big decision like this that the only things we regret in life are the things we didn’t do. So start surrounding yourself with people who believe that this is possible for you, read blogs from people who have done it before, and everything will seem a lot less overwhelming and you’ll start believing you can make it through.
Wishing you all the best. Life in a new country is a huge adventure. If it doesn’t work out, you can always go back. Worse thing would be to not have given it a go at all and missed out on the potential of an exceptional life :)
Hi Megan and everyone who might read this..
This sounds silly but I think I falling for this guy for spain. I’m an exchange student from Indonesia and we’re on our program in the US now.
Not only we’re still students, but our culture is way too different.
We only got 1 and half month left now and I don’t know if I should just forget all about it or should I fight for it.
I don’t guarantee I have te money for travel for a while too, untul I graduated and get my own job.
I don’t know what I should do
Hi Sarah, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I try and live life by the idea that the only things we’ll regret are the things we didn’t do. So if this is something that you think you would regret not having explored, talk to him about it. See if he feels the same way and would want to make it work with you.
If you both decide to give it a go and then later down the line it doesn’t work out, at least you can say that you gave it a go, and it was great for while it lasted, but wasn’t meant to be. If it does work out then you’ll have an amazing love story to tell the grandkids and you’ll never regret having let him go.
I think that if two people love each other, difference in culture doesn’t have to be an obstacle, but can be an adventure, and makes it interesting to be together. It’s all in your perspective.
So my advice is to talk to him, don’t put too much pressure on being serious if you don’t know that you can travel and see each other for a few years, and see where it goes :)
Hope that helps – wishing you both all the best X
Hi Megan,
Hope u both are doing well.
I dont know what happend to him,he has started ignoring me even he has blocked me on watsapp,i emaild him whats wrong so he was saying he dont love me anymore n dont want to continue with me,evrythng is jst messed up n i dont kw what to do kw,i hv lost my job also.??
Hi Shruti, I’m very sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Perhaps this is all happening at the same time because it’s the right time for a big life change.
I often like to think that where one door closes, another one opens, so perhaps through all the heartache and pain there will be a good outcome at the end for you.
Wishing you all the best XX
My name is jazz killen n I m fromm india.I just want to know that my bf n I stay very far from each other n w hardly communicate on cell phone. Rarely it is possible fr him to cme n meet me.So I want to know ur option that I want him but I dnt know how to make him love me,mis me marry me..pls do help me.sme times I think of doing breakup but thats nt the solution.pls if u do hv any idea thn pls help me….to get my love…
Hi Jazz, thanks for reaching out. When it comes down to it, communication is one of the biggest things which keeps a long distance relationship strong. So if you can’t speak to each other on the cell phone, perhaps you can try and write letters, or emails, or even talk to each other on things like Facetime or internet calls via Skype.
One way or another, you need to find a way to communicate regularly, as this is the foundation that is needed to make a relationship last long distance.
Wishing you both all the best.
This is a great story and i too am going through this long distance relationship thing. I went on holiday with a female friend to Turkey and met a wonderful man (Milen)who’s Bulgarian living in Turkey. 2 dates and 12 hours in his company made me realize that i’d found my soul mate. I live in England by the way. We txt and talk everyday and also skype as much as we can. Im going back to Turkey in July to spend another 2 weeks with him, he’s coming here in September. This story gives me hope that one day we can be together. Thank you X
Hi Joanne
Thanks for sharing your story – and congrats on meeting your soul mate! Sometimes life has a way of working out for us in ways we couldn’t have possibly ever imagined, but what I’ve found is that if you’re willing to embrace it, reality can turn out so much better than you ever could have planned :)
LDR’s can absolutely work out – wishing you both all the best :) XX
This is incredible. I am in a long distance relationship myself. I’m Filipina and he’s American. We met in Tennessee during which I had participated in an exchange program. We dated for a month and then we decidrd to call it off when I was about to leave because we were both skeptical about long distance relationships. However when I arrived home we agreed to try it because we both know how we still love each other. He had 4 past ldr’s that did not work and now I am afraid that this will be just another casualty. But I am hoping for the best. Thank you for this amazing story, Megan!
Hi Viena, thanks for sharing your story. Sometimes it’s not necessarily about having had a bad run with these kind of relationships in the past, but more about the timing and the two people involved.
Those relationships might have just not worked out because they weren’t meant to be – where-as you guys could just make it work because the timing is right and everything falls into place. So what I’m trying to say is to not base the future of your relationship on his previous unsuccessful ones. Because if it’s meant to be, it will work.
Either way, the only way you’ll ever know is to give it a go, and give it everything you’ve got. Even if things don’t work out, the worst thing is sitting there wondering “what if” from never having tried.
Wishing you both the best :)
I love your story.. It motivated me alot . I was really in a big confusion … meet a guy online… Just got into relationship yesterday .. I was really worried about that … Now feeling good . Hope I can handle it and make it working .
Hi Bhavika, I’m so glad to hear that we could motivate you to giving a Long Distance Relationship a try. Wishing you both all the best X
Hi,
I am in a terrible situation right now.I met a guy some 1 month back.We have been dating since then.We were really very much happy with each other.We both are working but all of a sudden he got to know that he needs to move to the US for his job for an year or so.He was really sad after he got to know this.when i asked him about us dating after he moved, he was really confused.I wasnot able to control my emotions and have cried before him.He said that he wants to continue.He will be leaving for US this week but has already left my place and has gone to meet his parents.He calls me everyday but doesnot talk to me properly as in i feel like something is bothering him.He doesnot reply anything properly.But makes a point to call.He and me both have very bad experience of LDR from our past relationships.I am very scared right now.I am not able to understand whether he really wants to continue or calls me just because he knows i would be very sad if he doesnot.I had never seen him cry but we both cried in the airport when he was leaving me and going.i am so confused at this point of time.we never said that we love each other but we love each other’s company.i want to continue dating him even if he is not right beside me.what should i do? i dont want to be heart broken this time.i really like him alot and i want this to work.But i have become very negative because he doesnt talk properly.
Hi Taanie
Thanks for sharing your story – sorry to hear you are hurting right now. If he’s making a point to call you he probably does still care. But perhaps you could try FaceTime or Skype, something which allows you to video chat, as that would let you talk face to face, and I think being able to see the other person, even if it’s through a computer screen, really helps. Hopefully that will help him open up and talk more, though if you still think he’s holding back, you should talk to him about it and tell him how you’re feeling.
Hopefully the year will go by quickly and you’ll be back with each other soon :) Definitely work on opening up that line of communication, and try to air out whatever is bothering him.
Hope that helps. Wishing you all the best.
-wow! your story really inspired me. i have LDR now im from phils and he’s from Chicago. He is a nice guy we exchange gift and he sent me present even w/o occasion :) this coming December is our first meeting hopefully everything goes well.
So glad to hear that Shane! Congrats on meeting such a great guy :) Wishing you all the best that December goes well X
Currently I have a similar situation, i was talking to a girl these last 4 weeks, and now she s flying to Cyprus for work expierence for 1 year, we fell for eachother, im living these last 10 nights as possibly as i can with her. she means so much to me ! . September , November, December , February will be the times when we exchange eachother first im going there, then she s coming , im going, she s coming back. Cant wait to pass this year :( xx missing her so much already
Hi Michael, thanks for sharing your story. It’s going to be very difficult to be apart for sure, though it sounds like you both have a good solid plan in place for visiting each other and making it through the year. I’m sure the 12 months will be over before you know it and you can be together again :)
Wishing you both all the best X
I am really glad to see the success story of long distance relationship. I am confident that I will work. I met my guy from online dating too and we have been meeting 3 times over 6 months and communicating every single day.
If you live far away from your hubby and still work out, why not mine. We live 8,500 km away and only 5-6 hours apart. The
Hi JJ, congrats on having met your guy :) You can absolutely make it work – it’s always hard being separated for so long, but the hard yards are totally forgotten when you do get to spend time together. And so worthwhile putting in that effort :)
Wishing you both all the best XX
Hi Meg,
Loved the article, this gives me hope.
I met my amazing boyfriend at a party where i wasn’t supposed to be (destiny maybe?) and since day one we’ve been crazy about each other, but I’m moving to France this August (for a year) and I am afraid I will lose him if I go, on the other hand this is what I’ve been waiting to do for a long time, I want to travel the world but I also love the guy.
365 days does not seem to be that much but who knows…
Hi Andrea, thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad ours can give you hope. In the grand scheme of things, 365 days will fly by. It’ll be tough at the time, but it will be over before you know it, especially if you’re meant to be together and both committed to the relationship.
My best advice would be to go for the year in France – I feel as though a relationship that is meant to be should be able to last a year long distance, and it’s such an amazing opportunity that you’ll regret it if you don’t go. Use it as an excuse for him to come to France halfway through the year to see you :)
Wishing you both all the best X
I do not have words. This is simply amazing. I am sort of in one of these situations, though I do not know where and how will it end (or not :-D). Bu reading this post, amongst others, helps in making you less cynical and more of a believer.
Im glad we could inspire some hope for you Stuti :) Wishing you all the best in your relationship – I’ve always been of the mindset that if something doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, but you have to actually believe in the possibility and give it a go to even have a chance :) XX
Hello,
My name’s Anna and I’m looking for couples in LDRs for a new TV series more a major US network that will follow (as well as facilitate and support) American women travelling outside of the US for love. I wonder if you may be able to suggest places to reach out to people in long distance relationships, even ones where they couple haven’t met before! Please do let em know your thoughts. My email address is anna.robertson@octoberfilms.co.uk
Thanks so much
Hi Anna, thanks for reaching out. I will be sure to pass on your contact to anyone I know who may fit the bill.
Thanks!
Thanks so much, Meg. I really appreciate that.
Anna
Amazing story! It’s so encouraging to read something like this since I’m currently worrying myself sick about there being distance in my relationship. I’ve recently finished uni in UK and accepted a graduate job in Vienna, Austria back in december. Around this time is also when me & partner started dating, so we’re about 8 months in and it’d going amazingly well – I actually can’t imagine not being together every day! We both know we can make a LDR work, and know it won’t be forever. I’m very ambitious and so feel it is important to take this opportunity of working abroad, even if it may just be for a year. It’s so frightening to think that I have no idea of how long I’ll be away, but we will whatsapp/skype every day and plan to meet at least once every 4 weeks in different places around Europe. I know we will make it work, but I totally freak out at the thought of it not working. I’d be grateful for your advice ?
Thanks,
J
Thanks Jay! In the grand scheme of things, 365 days will fly by. It’ll be tough at the time, but it will be over before you know it, especially if you’re meeting up every 4 weeks around Europe.
Plus, having a plan to meet up that often is exciting, gives you each something to look forward to in the short term, and it’s international travel which will give you both so many shared memories and experiences.
It sounds like you’ve got a pretty good handle on things, and I agree that it is important to take the opportunity of working abroad.
I think you’ll both do just fine :) Wishing you both all the best … and congrats on the job! X
Hi Meg, I had a chat with my girlfriend this morning and she responded to me by stating some reasons that doesn’t sound encouraging to me either about our relationship going on between us I am not blaming her for any reason about her option due to the pressure she been facing from her family. All I can do is to have a discussing with her regarding our relationship in order for us to know where our relationship is heading to in the near future
Hi Anthony – thanks for keeping us all updated on your situation. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve hit a rough spot – you are right though, all you can do is continue to communicate and keep having discussions with her about your relationship so you can both know where it is heading.
Hopefully that open communication and reassurance from you will be enough to keep her encouraged in spite of the pressure from family at home.
Wishing you both all the best XX
Hi Megan — Great to read all of the encouragement in your blog and in the comments section – I am from the US and my boyfriend is Australian, and it is so comforting to know we’re not the only ones making it work despite the huge distances! We’ve been together in an LDR for a year now and have visited each other quite a bit and we’re ready to take that next step and live in the same place for a while! He is willing to come over to the US for a while and work here, but we’re struggling a lot to find a visa that will let him come over and actually work since he is no longer a student and we’re not quiiiiite ready to get married yet haha. Do you have any words of wisdom about the visa process and how you guys made it work? Thank you!
Hi Marie
Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story – you’re definitely not alone in trying to make a LDR work :)
Super exciting that you’ve both decided to live in the same place for a while! I know that the visa process sucks though, and it’s very difficult to get a US working visa unless you’re married or sponsored by a company to work for them. He definitely could look at applying for jobs before hand and having a business sponsor him to come. You generally have to have a very highly qualified skill set for that though.
My suggestion if he can make it work would be to try and get an online business running, or find a job in Australia which would allow him to work remotely online. That way you could come over to the States on a tourist visa and you’re not technically “working” because you’re employed in Aus.
We were very lucky in that when Mike came to live in Australia for a year, he got the Aus work and travel visa which is available for 12 months to those under 30. Sadly the US doesn’t really have an equivalent.
Hope that helps – definitely have a look into working online and see if that’s an option. A huge range of possibilities if you can brainstorm outside the box :)
Hi Megan,
im from Indonesia my boyfriend from Munchen. my relationshop lmost 3 years in October, since we first met we knew it theres something special between us we keep this long distance relatioship we worked it out till now. He just left today after he visit me for 3 weeks. Always had a great times when my bf visit me. we meet usually for 3-4 months sometimes just 2 months, mostly he came to indo to visit since i couldnt leave long days for work. Overall our relatiosnhip is going very well he is like my bestfriend we match we have same levels in many pages.
but to be honest i have a lil scared of this ldr since we been together for 3 years, till when we have to do this kind of relationshp. since i know he is not ready to marry yet and im really married minded, he really knows it. but last time i ever i asked him, he wants to keep and move forward to next step (not married yet), he wants me to take a germans course languange, and maybe i can get a job in Munchen. we all know its gonna be takes time and not easy to be living together. im afraid sometimes..but his efforts and everything we have been done till now. i hope we gonna have a happy ending tsroy like you.
any advise for me?
shud i still keep it eventho my bf unsure when we can get together in next lever(maybe married or maybe living together in same town).
all i know we love each others but the situation not so easy to manage as we want to.
Love
Amanda
Hi Amanda, thanks for sharing your story and reaching out. It sounds like you get to spend a lot of time with each other which is wonderful :)
It’s definitely hard, because being apart when you love someone means you want to do anything to be together, which in your case means you want to take the next step. But marriage for some people is a really big step, so perhaps he’s just not ready for that yet. It does sound like he’s committed to the relationship though, and at least he’s making an effort to suggest other ways to be together.
If he’s suggesting you take a German course and see if you can get a job in Munchen, this to me suggests that he wants to be with you, and is fully committed to making it work. He just might not be ready for that big commitment yet. So I would stick with it, keep having very open and honest conversations, and take the next step when both of you are ready for it :)
Wishing you both all the best XXX
Your story gives me hope.My situation is similar but not the travel part.My boyfriend lives in Hungary and I in America; we met when he can to visit my brother,we didn’t like each other at first but we somehow started to catch feeling for each other. I spent at least 2 or 3 weeks with him before he left and we’re still together of course we communicate very well via Skype and messenger. We’re still very young,but eh, we plan on sticking with school; I’m starting college this year and him University. My biggest fear is us being a biracial couple, which is new to him and his family. They want me to visit soon but im still scared, but I know that we’re gonna make everything work out together. Thanks for your story, I really appreciate it.
Hi Kendi, thanks for sharing your story – congrats on finding a great guy! And congrats on having your priorities in order – finishing school is important, it’s what I did before Mike and I got married too.
I think potentially the long distance relationship could work in your favor in terms of your fears about how they’ll accept you as a biracial couple. I say that in thinking that perhaps they’ll have the time to process the concept before you arrive for your first visit which will make it easier to accept the relationship.
When it comes down to it though, if they love their son, they’ll accept the fact that you’re the one who makes him happy, and race won’t even play a part. Don’t be scared about your first visit – I’m sure he’s told them wonderful things, so I’m sure they’ll adore you!
Wishing you both all the best XXX
Sweet pictures and moments.
You might like related article on Keeping Long Distance Relationship. http://www.bestcatcher.com/Relationships/long-distance-relationship/
Glad you enjoyed the post :) Thanks for sharing yours too!
THank u!!!! Just came bk from viting home town in italy and met friend of my cousin……the rest is history…. So am sitting here at 11pm friday nt thinking at the age of 50……what the hell have i got into!
You have given me hope. I live in africa with withs at uni in aus…no reason to be here anymore…im happy to move nxt yr to italy, easier as he is a lawyer and established there…. But the doubts, the does he feel still what he did, does he still want me as much…. He isnt the most tech friendly..just went and bought a smartphone so lcd have watsapp! Says something,,,but not on skype everyday not msg everyday more like second day etc. I still will send email about what going on with work and life and what am doing….
So the doubts set in…but reading this has made me feel so positive. I cant thank you enough and wish you both the most incredible adventures ahead in yr lives,.
Hi Gigi, thanks for sharing your story, I’m so glad that we could help you feel positive about the possibility of keeping a long distance relationship going.
It is definitely hard, yes and sometimes doubts will kick in, but stay strong and keep working at it. I hope you two have a long future ahead :) Wishing you both all the best XX
Hi for me too!I am for Greece.i met my 2 year long distance boyfriend in Greece our hometown.Things between us are great.we want to get married after he finished his Phd.The sad story is that he is in Saudi Arabia and now he is in final year of phd,and the things are reaally stressfull and tight,i do not know how to support him ,we talk every day of course,we make skype calls,but he is complaining me about the situation,and how bad he wanted me to be with him,in the same place(i cant go to saudi arabia,only if we are married,and now with the phd going on its not a good timing to do it).Things are bad :(
Hi Vall – I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time right now. I would try to focus on the fact that it’s his final year, and you just need to get through this last thing before you can be together again. Trying to keep your attitude positive, and focusing on the next time you can be together as opposed to the time you’re spending apart can make a huge difference in getting through it.
I found that when I was away from Mike, having something to look forward to really did help. So perhaps you guys can start planning something for when you’re able to be together again, whether that’s something small like overnight at a hotel, or even if you start putting ideas together for your wedding. That way you have something to remain positive about and discuss when you talk :)
Wishing you both all the best … just a little bit longer for you! XX
Hi Meghan,
I kinda started with a simple google search saying how to survive a long distance relationship and the first hit that i got was your story. i have already read it 5 times and every time i do i just keep falling in love with you guys. Hi,my name is Kanna and i am from Australia as well. I have been in a relationship for a last 4 months now and after a lot of searching i found my princess and the catch here is she is in India and we have a Five hour time difference. We both are from two different professions. I am a software engineer and she is a journalist, by the time i am done with work she would be starting her work and by the time she finishes up its late here. Still i try to stay up as late as possible to talk to her but i am not able to do it everyday. This leads to a lot communication problems which in-turn leads to frustration and fights. I know she loves me a lot but somehow we are having a problem in regards to communication and finding time for each other. Could you please suggest me a way on how shall i handle this situation with your experience. Thank You
Hi Kanna, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. So glad we could provide you with some encouragement and hope!
Time difference is a tough one, we had the same issues – my 11pm would be Mike’s 7am so it was always very late at night for me and I would apparently often fall asleep on the phone… oops!!
If you can’t talk on the phone every day I would recommend sending emails instead. So for instance if you get home and you’re super tired and know you won’t be able to stay up, send her an email telling her about your day. And suggest she do the same.
That way the other person knows that you’re thinking of them that day, and that the first thing you’ve done when you got hoe was want to tell them about your day. Might help a little with filling in the silence when you can’t talk on the phone.
Wishing you both all the best XX
Hello Meg Jerrard
you have a amazing story, thanks for giving those inspiration views about Long Distance relationships, I’m looking Forward that story or the ending of your story is also the Ending of my Love Story..
I am Monica Galope I’m 19 year old I’m from Philippines and my Long Distance Relationship is from France his 24 year old, i really really wanted him. I hope our story become like what you have..Actually were still 7months in dating in Social Media and his Planning to Visit me here in my City this coming April or May. I hope that’s become happen and I hope someday this Relationship become true and last TOGETHER FOREVER… Thank you!! God Bless!!
Hi Monica, thanks for sharing your story! So happy to hear you have found a special guy :) Wishing you both all the best XXX
I loved reading this story, one of the many with a happy ending. I’m currently in a relationship with a girl from the USA (I’m from the Netherlands) since 2014, when she came here for a study abroad program. Ofcourse I tried looking up information on how to make it work, but I quickly noticed that all the post are about either happy endings or unhappy endings, but nothing about the journey itself. So, I started telling the story as we are experiencing now. Might give another insight to others about how a long distance relationship affects the people that are currently still in the process of building a future together.
So for anyone that is interested in reading my stuff I invite you to do so. It an be found at http://skyesodyssey.tumblr.com
Thanks for showing me once more that with hard work and dedication (how hard that may be at times) we might be able to make it work in the end.
Hi Skye, thanks for reaching out and sharing your site. You’re right – there’s not a lot out there about the journey itself.
Wishing you all the best in your journey of love abroad. Long distance relationships can be hard as hell sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they can’t work out :)
All the best XX
How lucky you people are that you don’t have to deal with a thing called “visa”. I’m from Turkey and my bf is from Poland but studying in England. Damn that it’s too difficult for a Turkish person to get a visa to England unless they have about 10000 pounds on their bank accounts. Being only 2 university students leaves us no chance of meeting.
Desperately in love from miles away…
Hi Mert, yes, we were very fortunate to be in a position where we could travel to see each other. I’m sorry to hear about the visa situation from Turkey to England.
Can you think about different options like meeting somewhere in Europe which is cheap enough for both of you during semester breaks? Or maybe even trying to organize a student exchange program though university for one of you to do a semester exchange at the other person’s school? Or both of you finding the same exchange at a European school?
Only temporary solutions, and a little outside of the box, but even if you brainstorm a list of crazy ways you could see each other, maybe one of them could work out.
Wishing you both all the best XX
I’m in my (second) international relationship. I’m American and he’s Greek; I am currently travelling in Serbia for unrelated reasons and I visited him for a week this month and plan on going back to Greece for an additional 80 days starting at the end of October before I have to return to the US. It terrifies me every day because the Greek economy is so bad the financial burden is all on me and I don’t know how I am going to find the money to not only pay rent at home, but also save up enough to visit him. What makes it even worse is how difficult Greece is in regards to getting residency. Even marrying him won’t guarantee my legal right to stay there longer than 3 months at a time and him moving to the US is not really an option either because his whole family is there (I’m not too close to mine).
Sorry to be a downer on such an otherwise positive thread, but this is absolutely killing me and no one really understands. I should be looking forward to the long trip, but I am so worried about what’s going to happen after that. In all of these responses I see people visiting each other every 3 to 4 months but that just won’t be an option for me financially unless I hit the jackpot…
Hi Amanda, thanks for sharing your story, I’m sorry to hear that the situation you’re in is so tough.
I think in your situation, the best thing to do is to try and enjoy the 80 days that you have with him as best you can without letting worry seep in, and use that as the period of time where you decide if it’s make or break.
If you decide halfway through that you couldn’t imagine your life without him, maybe that’s the point where you need to jump all in and start considering options for either a visa to the US or a visa to Greece. It sucks that there are so many difficult obstacles in your way like the financial crisis and Greek visas.
If you don’t want to jump straight into the marriage / permanent partner visa route, perhaps you could think about work visas for nearby countries where it would be easy to visit him. I don’t know what your personal situation is in the State or how easy it would be to pick up and leave, but one option could be getting a work visa in Italy for instance , or something like that. Might not be plausible for you, but if you try and come up with a list of ideas even if they’re crazy and outlandish, maybe one of them could just be the fix for you.
I wish you both all the best, and hope you have a wonderful time in Greece. Hope it all works out for you XXX
Hi Meg,
I love your story very much. I was in LDR but things didn’t work out. I met my ex during my US business trip last year. We spent almost 4 months together. I met his family and I thought things were getting serious. In our last month together though before I headed back to my home country (Philippines), he was cutting visits and I felt that he was being distant. He told me he wasn’t sure if he can do the distance but I convinced him to try it because I know I could do it. 6 months LDR and he broke up with me saying he’s unhappy with the situation, me being away from him. I had plans to visit him in December but obviously it’s not going to happen anymore. Once a year visit is never an issue on me because I have the money and visa and I know he has the means to visit me too. I was also open with the idea of moving in with him but he wasn’t ready. I agree when you said that you can make anything work if you want to. It is sad to think though that my ex wasn’t as eager as me to work our relationship. One of my parting words with him was that “If you think it’s not going to work then it’s not going to work.” The distance made me realized more about myself and I got to know my ex better. Someday, I know someone will be able to keep up with me. :)
Hi Joyce
Thanks for reaching out and sharing your experience – I’m sorry to hear that your LDR didn’t work out. Your parting words to him were spot on though – it really does come down to a mindset of believing that it will work and wanting to do everything in your power to make it so.
I’m sorry that he wasn’t the one. I’m sure you’ll find the right guy soon though!
All the best XX
Hi Meg.that’s s very nice story.so there is this guy I met on Facebook, I am from Tanzania and he is from Norway. we have been chatting since January 2013,I have feelings for him.he also says he is starting to love me.so last month he started talking about me going to visit him and finally see how things will work for us.but I have this strong feeling that this guy is not serious. he has been distant lately,saying he wants time away from people, when I text him on WhatsApp he replies in even four hours or next day, what worries me is that when I wake up in the morning his last seen on WhatsApp is always 3am or 4am.I fear that he might be an online player and that he might have found a new online girlfriend to play With. what should I do?
Hi Suzy, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Above all, you need to listen to your gut instinct. If you’re seeing red flags don’t ignore them – it sounds like you could be being played if his behavior is starting to become distant after you have asked to meet.
When it comes down to it, if you’ve been talking for 3 years and are now telling each other “I love you”, you should want to meet. I think you need to tell him it’s time to meet otherwise you need to move on. Because if he does love you, he’ll want to see you, and if he’s playing you you need to know so you don’t waste anymore of your time.
Worst case, get him on video chat and try to have a conversation that way – you can tell a lot about a person’s personality and whether or not they’re lying when you’re talking face to face.
Hope that helps! XXX
Hi Meg; I am so happy for you, congratulations.
Here is my story: I am an older man divorced twice. I really like being married, so right after our divorce i tried online dating,in Canada, where i lived. It was terrible, I swear some of the gals just wanted a dinner with wine.
I went to a Chinese dating site, and the replies were amazing. Many women truly wanted to find a good man to share a happy life. I chose the one that had me spellbound from the start.
We emailed for two months, and exchanged photos. Then i went to China and as soon as i saw her in real life i new i wanted to marry her. She felt the same. Now here is the thing, three days later we married.
I have been back to visit her three more times, each time like a honeymoon. We travel or just stay together and bond. She is my true love, and i wish i could of had her for my first wife.
We are waiting on Immigration to issue her a visa, and everyday we talk on QQ. It can work, we keep thinking of the time soon when we can be forever together. We are very compatible.
Hi Warren, thanks for sharing your story. Congrats on meeting an amazing woman! I wish you both all the best with the immigration process – I know it’s a very painful period of time being in limbo waiting on immigration to come through, but it sounds like you have wonderful communication and a great connection, and that’s ultimately what gets you through.
I will say one thing of long distance relationships, it’s definitely true that absence makes the heart grow stronger. Enjoy those continual honeymoons!!! :)
Wishing you both all the best
Romantic and lovely story. I wish for the happiness for both of you. Even I have American boyfriend and is in U.S and I am Indian and I stay in India and we have long distance relationship. But we have lot of communication/language problem and sometimes I get worried about us. I don’t know how to make long distance love alive.
Thankyou Shweta. I’m sorry to hear that you have communication / language issues within your relationship. The best thing to do would be to focus on improving them through any way possible , whether that be trough sending emails when you can’t talk, or focusing a certain amount of time each week to learn a little of each others language.
Wishing you both all the best XXX
What an absolutely lovely story! And so refreshing to hear such positivity towards LDRs.
Like lots of other people in the comments, you have given me some hope for my own situation. I’ve been seeing the most wonderful guy for the last 2-3 months (we live on opposite ends of England, so visit each other about once a month), but in less than 3 months I’m going to live in Vietnam for 5 months to work and then backpacking around Asia for a month. We are already very attached to each other and are getting closer and closer by the day. I really do believe this could be ‘the real thing’ as it were… breaks my heart to think it won’t work when I go away.
“I firmly believe that you can make anything work if you want to. It’s that simple.” – Love this! This will keep me going. Thank you for sharing your lovely story :)
Hi ML, thanks for sharing your story, and I’m glad to hear that ours could give you hope.
If you’re both growing attached to each other, there’s no reason that 6 months abroad should change that. Yes, it’s going to be hard being apart, and yes, you’ll have to work at it every day, but there’s no reason it has to fall apart just because you’re away.
Talk about it before hand, how you’ll stay in contact, how you’ll communicate, that you really want to make it work despite the travel, and having that plan going into it will help. Maybe he can even plan to come and meet you in Vietnam at some stage :)
Wishing you both all the best XXX
A quick google search lead me to this page and I’m so glad to have read your story.
I have recently returned home from a holiday in the states where I met the most amazing girl. We only had one night together but talked throughout the rest of my trip. I decided to change my travel plans to see her once more before returning to Australia to see if there was actually anything there. Those two days were just perfect.
We are now in the process of figuring how to make this work, lots of phone calls and Skype! It gives me tremendous hope that you guys pursued things even after only a short amount of time together.
I hope that one day I can look back at this time with her by my side (in the same country!!) and smile; just like yourself.
Now off to hunt for your post on visas (boy they make it hard!) and further tips and tricks on maintaining a wonderful relationship internationally.
All the best x
Hi Ellee, thanks for sharing your story, and congrats on meeting such an amazing girl!
Yes, Mike and I met and only spent a night together before having to leave – it was a very short amount of time. But I think when you meet someone special and you REALLY hit it off you just know that it’s worth pursuing.
I found that our long distance forced us to get to know each other more intimately than we would have had we been dating in the same location. So while LDR is hard as hell, I do appreciate having been in this situation for that, as I believe it forged a really strong connection and relationship between us.
I haven’t actually gotten around to posting about our Visa process yet, but I have an email write up I’ve sent to a few other people, so shoot me an email and I can forward it to you.
meganjerrard@gmail.com X
Hey, Megan this anotehr amazing love story and yes i do believe in long distance relationships, because i have also friends who have been gone through it.
May God bless you and your family.
SO my situation is this, I have a girl, we are talking in distance and we like each other so much, but my only concern is, my financial situation is not good enough I mean i have a debt (accumulated, cuz i had to help my sick sister back home) and still paying and paying…I live in Canada and she is in US, but to travel i need a bank statement… i mean i am full time worker and i know i can plan the trip and stuff, but the bank statement is gonna kill me i guess.. so, please give me an advice, what can I do? because i think she is a little scared to travel to Canada first, she wants me to go see her first, it’s a little complicated… I just like her so much…
Hi Hovik, thanks for sharing your story :) Do you really need a bank statement for just a visit to the US? You would probably have to produce proof that you’re able to support your holiday if you got flagged as being suspicious, but if you’re a regular tourist with no previous history with immigration, you should be able to travel without issue.
Otherwise, as you’re paying off your debt, perhaps you can set up a separate account where you can deposit a little bit of money each week or month towards savings. That could be your travel fund to pay for the trip. We have a post on tips for traveling in debt here if it helps: https://www.mappingmegan.com/traveling-while-in-debt/
Otherwise if all else fails perhaps she could visit you in Canada first. If she’s uncomfortable with that perhaps you could suggest she come with a couple of friends so there’s a safe environment for her to fall back on should things not go to plan.
Wishing you both all the best :) XX
I am currently in love with my Australian boyfriend who I met while living in Guatemala for 6 months. He was only planning on staying a day in Xela, but after we met at salsa class he stayed the whole time I was there. In July I had to go back home for graduate school, I’m studying for my masters of public health in Portland, OR, and I haven’t seen him since. Like you guys we talk everyday, every morning he sends me a good morning gorgeous text and every night I send him a goodnight handsome text. It has been 110 days apart and it does feel like eternity at times, but blogs like this help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am in the process of applying for my work and holiday visa to Australia, I’ve got a year leave of absence from university and a ticket to Singapore to meet him for New Years. (It’s cheaper to fly to Singapore over the holidays than Australia.)
You didn’t go into the technicalities of visa law, but if you did in another post I’d love to read/find it. We are at the potion where I’m learning the ins and outs of every immigration law in our two countries and at times it feels like the whole world is conspiring to keep us apart. When that happens all I can do is remember how much I love him and that this is the relationship I’m going to fight for. But on that front battle tips would be greatly appreciated!
Hi Monica, thanks for sharing your story – I know the time you spend apart can feel like eternity, but New Years will be here before you know it!
Congrats on meeting a fabulous guy – yes, the Australian work travel visa is what we did before I moved to the US too. Mike came here for a year and we lived together for the 12 months.
Shoot me an email and I’ll send you my experience with the immigration process to America – I entered on a Fiance visa, so can forward you an overview of the process there. I don’t have it in a blog post but I’ve written it up for others in the past so can send the same thing :)
meganjerrard@gmail.com
Hi there. Came across this via google
Just wanted to share my story, ill try be brief.
Ive been friends with a girl for a couple years now. She was married so was i.
Now im 40 and she is 23, but to us that doesn’t even seem relevant because all of our life goals are the same. The only issue was that she wanted another child or two…but so do I and that’s great. Everything about us is the same. Tastes in politics, arts, education, history, tv, film…everything. We often find we both like and love the same obscure things. Its bizzare at times. These are things that couldnt be researched or guessed about each other either on facebook or google. Even our child hoods were similar. Put simply, it is meant to be. SO the story is im in Sydney and she is in Oregon USA. Middle of last year she finally left a very sexually abusive husband and she has a child..so she cant leave the country. Ive been separated 2 years an the divorce is now processing..i just hasn’t been bothered before because I never thought id move on so I just didn’t care. I was friends with her and the ex husband through their bad times and then when she left him and got divorced we started talking a lot…and for the last 8 months its been constant 12-14 hours a day texting. Up to 6-8 days video skyping or phone chatting. You know what its like…you share more with them in a short time than you have in a life time with anyone else. Sometimes you just know when something is meant to be. We have both been able to share things with each other and be how we have wanted to be and never was able to in the past. We openly talk about sex, marriage, babies…everything. Im also studying at UNE. Im doing a K-12 Teaching Degree. We have both said we would like to end up living together in Fiji where I want to teach, but that could be two years off whilst we work out her legal custody issues with her child. Yes, we haven’t physically met..but that’s about to change. In March I’ll head to Oregon on the three month VWP. We jokes abit about marrying whilst im there, but I understand if that happened too quickly then Immigration can get very annoyed. So the plan was to maybe wait to the end of the 90 days, get married and apply for adjustment of status…cant think of all the visa numbers right now lol. Ive heard that can take a while and id be allowed to stay whilst It processes. Now that’s just a possibility. Whats likely though is that I go for the three months, come home for a while, then go back..but then that becomes expensive for a student lol. I know that at the end we are going to end up together and have a family..because that’s just the way its meant to be. My only concern is that her being only 23..is it eally fair to make her wait and have uncertainty for the next couple of years? She said if she is fine with it then I should just accept it. I am doing the right thing by me, but I hope im doing the right thing by her. I certainly do believe that long distance can work if people actually want it to..the only thing we are missing right now is the physical closeness but we both know that’s soon to change. Thanks for listening
Hi Matthew
Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story – In my view, age doesn’t matter in a relationship so long as there is compatibility and you’re both on the same page. Which it sounds like you both are.
From having gone through the process of K1 Fiance visa and adjustment of status in the US myself, I would advise to really think through options and their implications before you make a decision. For instance, if you do marry in the 90 days during your visit and apply for adjustment of status, it does take a while to come through, and while you’ll be able to stay in the US while it processes, you won’t be able to work without applying for a temp work visa (took 3 months for mine after applying), and if you leave the US while it’s processing they view it as you’re abandoning your application for residency.
I applied in May 2014 for my change of residency and due to delays didn’t get my green card until almost 12 months later. And that could work out perfectly for you both, but I do recommend thinking through your options :)
I think your plan to go for the three months, come home for a while, then go back is a good one. I know it can get expensive … been in that position as a student too! I don’t know how long you’ve got left on your degree but maybe you could look into the possibility of a student exchange or something like that which could put you close to her for 6 months or a year.
If she’s willing to wait and engage in a long distance relationship for the next couple of years, that’s her choice, and she’s doing what’s right for her, so it’s absolutely fair. As long as you’re openly communicating with each other and not pressuring her, don’t sabotage a good thing!
Wishing you both all the best … have an amazing trip to meet her! XX
Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much.
Thankyou for taking the time to read our story Jo :) Wishing you all the best in your relationship X
I have to say that I absolutely love, that even thought it’s been 3 years since you originally posted this, you are still responding to comments! Thank you!!!
I am currently in a LDR, I am in America and my boyfriend is Tanzanian. We have our sights set on getting married, but obviously that’s a bigGerman than usual task with an LDR. I was hoping you would share your experience with me, as far as immigration. We are debating between a k1 and k3 visa…
My email is shamain.hope@gmail.com
Thank you SO much for sharing your story. This blog is amazing!
Bigger than usual* autocorrect *face palm
Hi Shamain, you’re welcome! I’m so humbled and touched that people are still reading and connecting with our story :)
I went through the K1 process, and will send you an overview of my experience with it now.
Wishing you both all the best!
Hi Megan, this is a great story. My husband and I have two children and we moved from the UK to Oz a couple of months back. The children and I have to return to the UK while my husband stays and works in Oz. Family have said that my husband and I need to be physically living together and to have some stability in our relationship…we have been married 12 years! Their comments have really stressed me out and have started to doubt whether the decision my husband and I are making is the indeed the right one. I really hope we can survive a long distance relationship for 12 months apart. Your story is an inspiration.
Hi Meera
Thanks for reaching out – first of all, congrats on 12 years of marriage. Second of all, you’re family don’t know what they’re talking about!! I’m sure they’re well intentioned but man, give me a break!! If you guys have been together for 12 years and your relationship is strong, you can withstand 12 months apart.
Sure, it’s going to be really difficult sometimes, and it’s going to be very hard spending that much time apart. But work is a legitimate reason, and if it’s going to make your lives better in the long run, and you know it’s the right decision in your gut, there’s nothing to say you cant make it.
A long distance relationship will work when the people involved want to make it work. Don’t let self doubt kick in. People on the outside are always jumping in to offer they’re opinions when they’ve never been in the situation and never been faced with the same. So how would they know when they’ve never gone through it themselves? So thank them for their opinion, but then throw it away.
Set a routine of when you’ll call each day, and when you can set up video chats with the children. Make sure you’re openly communicating throughout the year. Don’t let that line of communication fail. As long as you trust each other, you’re committed to each other (obviously) and you love each other, 12 months will go by in the blink of an eye.
Wishing you all the best XXX
Thank you so much for your advice! Its very much appreciated and I will take on board the advice you have given to us. Its made me feel better to be honest.
Much love x
Hiya, firstly I want to say how great your story is and it gives me confidence in the situation I’m in. I met this girl who is from Australia 5 years ago, I’m from England so that’s quite far! We were both lonely at the time and used an online chat room to talk to random people, we then came across one another, we were both the same age (13) and we talked for 2years after that via facebook. We stopped talking for a year because I was going through councilling and what not but I don’t need to carry on with that. anyway in September I wanted to talk to my best friend again (this was her) and I sent her a message thinking I wouldn’t get a reply. I did! I was really glad and we began to talk again, 2 months after talking again I admitted to her I’ve had several crushes on her and I’m starting to like her, she told me she felt the same and we carried on talking normally. I then asked her a few days ago to which she said yes! But I’m a little bit nervous to what the future holds, we’re currently 18 and going to university soon, I’ve been considering to go to a place called Wagga Wagga , I told her this and she told me that she was thinking of going to the same uni. This is great because we would actually get to meet. However, I was wondering on how to keep the relationship healthy while it’s long distance because I don’t want to lose her again.
Hi Connor, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. If you’re both planning on studying at the same uni, that’s a really great first step. Because at some stage you do eventually have to meet to see if the relationship works when you’re together in person.
But in the meantime, focus on getting into a routine of talking consistently, whether that’s every day, every second day, or once a week. International phone bills can be expensive but you can talk for free over apps like Skype and FaceTime, and video chat is a great way to stay in touch, because the face to face contact (even though it’s through a screen) adds a much more personal element and makes you feel more connected.
Send emails, send letters, but my biggest advice is to video chat, or talk on the phone where you can’t do that.
Hope that helps! All the best in your relationship, and with your potential move to Aus :) XX
Hi Meg,
I started writing to a woman in Britain back at the start of this year (March), (I’m in Australia), who gave me her phone number and added me on Facebook. We seem to have a lot of things in common, but I still have yet to sell her on the long-distance relationship. She thinks that only celebrities can make it work. I might print out your article and send it to her. We keep in contact via letters and Facebook and I send her flowers once a month with little messages (I went online and found a good English florist). I’m making plans to visit her next year, and spend a few weeks getting to know her a bit better.
Hi Matthew, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I think the biggest thing on selling the long distance relationship is proving without a doubt that you’re committed to it. Usually the reason people aren’t keen is because it’s hard, and most people these days aren’t willing to make that kind of commitment. They get bored easily, and distracted, and move on.
But if you’ve been chatting since March and you’re still around, that should be a great sign to her that you’re interested in making it work. And then meeting in person can further cement that :)
Wishing you both all the best, never give up! It can be done :) If you do send her the article, tell her she’s also welcome to email me if she wants to hear from someone who’s made it work. meganjerrard@gmail.com
X
Hello there! I loved reading your story. Thank you for posting! You should write a book! :)
I’m from California and my boyfriend is from Ohio. We both met in Hawaii where we went to the same university. I moved back to California to finish my undergraduate degree and my boyfriend is now living in Spain for the next year. We have been together for 2 years now :) Your post has made me believe that anything can happen despite all the negativity.
Thank you so much for the positive advice, and I’m so happy that it worked out for you guys!
Hi Nicole, thanks for stopping by! It’s funny you say that re the book because we were just discussing it this week! Hopefully can start writing soon!
Congrats on making it work with your boyfriend – stay strong despite the negativity from those who don’t understand. 2 years is an amazing achievement and proof that you’re both invested in really making it work :)
It absolutely can happen for you! And plus, now you have an excuse for a vacation in Spain :D! All the best X
Such a wonderful story!
You both are very lucky.
Almost five years ago I met a person on a penpal website. He is from Scotland, I am from America. We had a great connection, we’ve pretty much communicated all these years on a daily basis. (There’s been difficulty where we’ve fell out and not spoke for a week or two, which made me miserable!)
I’ve been to see him five times (the first time was after a year and a half of talking)
I have a son who is almost nine, and he’s been twice. I’ve got to know other guys, but there is no one that comes close to the one I love. He has a large family that he is very close to and an elderly grandma with demitia. I think that’s one reason he doesn’t commit .
I would have never thought I would be in this situation. He completes me..
Hi Tracy, thanks for stopping by!
These kind of relationships definitely have their ups and downs, but it sounds like you both really cherish each other, especially if he’s met your son, and no-one else has ever really measured up to the same.
I wish you both all the best, and I’m very sorry to hear about his grandmother. It can always be tough trying to balance commitment to family with the rest of your life. I hope it will all work out for you when it’s the right timing on both sides XXX
Hi my name is Ruby Howlett and I am sorta in the same position as you were. I live in America and decided to try online dating and I went through many guys who in the end I could tell was not really interested in me and Then I saw a man from Austria who viewed my profile once and then again a few weeks later and so I decided to message him. And so far its been 2 and a half months and we have been talking every single day almost all day. And we have an amazing connection its crazy and he has sent me pics of his family and friends and himself and I have never met someone who I can just feel so comfortable with and who makes me so happy. I am planning on visiting him for 2 weeks in April and we are really excited and have plans for my trip and the problem I have is with my family and friends. They are all telling me that I can die and they are just assuming he is a bad guy and just speaking so negatively about him and I hate it. Because he is the sweetest guy ever and the first guy to make me happy ever and they say how a woman should not be visiting a man first. I understand they are worried but they need to understand that I would not spend that much money to visit a guy I am even the slightest hesistant about. I just wonder how you dealt with their negativity because I am still going but I dont want them to keep putting doubts in my head.
Hi Ruby, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story :)
Honestly … you could walk out of your house tonight and get hit by a car and die. Same thing could happen to me! Everything we do in life involved some degree of risk, whether that’s walking down the street, or traveling to Europe to meet a guy. It’s scary, sure, but if we let fear dictate out decisions we’ll get to the end and realized we never lived.
I’m sure that your family and friends have this negative reaction because they care about your well being, and because it’s something which is outside of their comfort zone so they don’t understand. But in not understanding the situation, and not being in your shoes, that means they can’t give you valid advice.
They have the right to be worried about you, sure, but they’re advice is moot because they don’t know what they’re talking about.
Ultimately, you’re the only one who knows the connection you have with this guy, so you need to be true to yourself and make the decision based on what you know and feel and not what other people do. It’s not their life. You need to keep telling yourself that and trust completely in what you’ve got to get through it. Because it’s tough when you don’t have the support of those closest to you. But if you can be strong and believe in yourself and your connection, that’s how you block out the negativity.
It helps too if you’re talking every night, because then whatever negativity has come up can be counterbalanced by validation of your connection with him.
If the negativity keeps going, maybe even say to your family and friends something like “Look, I respect that you’re worried about me, and I’ve heard your opinion. However it’s getting a bit much now and I don’t want to talk further about this if it’s only going to be negativity.”
Hope that helps :) Have a wonderful trip to Austria XX
I met Dave online while he was visiting his family in the UK. We spent 3 days together then he went back to Australia. We talked and video called for hours every day. A week after he went back home, he asked me to fly out to stay with him! I was lucky that I could. 6 weeks later I was in Australia with him for 3 weeks. We waited to say those words face to face…. and we did. I had a wonderful trip, so perfect, he was the perfect host, lover, friend. 6 weeks after I went home he had quit his job, given up everything including leaving his 2 children, and come back to live in the UK. Not because of me…. he’d been thinking of it for a while. He was studying for a degree online and wanted to finish it quickly. His mum said he could live with her. Meeting me he said, just made him do it sooner. He still lived 3.5hrs drive away from me. We saw each other every couple of weeks for a day other a night (but every time we met it was like starting again). I met his brother who lived nearer me. He met my son. Everything was great. But gradually he went quiet. I sensed the move was too huge for him. I gave him space, We stopped talking every day. I was worried about him, but didn’t want to push him or lose him. After 4 months he said he knew I wanted more from him but he couldn’t offer more. He didn’t love me like I loved him. I asked him to leave. I defriended him from Facebook. I told him I needed to do this as I couldn’t have him popping up every 2 minutes. We didn’t fall out, we still cared about each other. I cut contact. That was 8 weeks ago.
The moral of this story is… Carpe Diem. Seize the day! Take risks, you never know what could happen. Even though it didnt work out, I met a wonderful guy, saw a country I had longed to go to, and opened up my heart to love again after years alone.
Hi Karen, thanks for reaching out – I’m so happy to hear your story. Not because it didn’t work out, I’m very sorry for that. But my sentiments are exactly the same … even if something doesn’t work out, you’ve got to at least give it a shot.
Nothing is a failed experience if it brought you happiness for a short while, and if there were positives which came as a result.
It’s nice to hear that you didn’t fall out and that you still care about each other. Sometimes people come into our lives for a specific reason at a specific point in time, but then the relationship quickly runs it’s course.
Wishing you all the best in your next relationship :) X
Thank you so much Meg and I am so happy for you guys :)
This was exactly what I needed the most.. I’m Ifreke from Africa. All my life I’ve been longing to marry a girl outside Africa, white lady or black American girl then suddenly I met one, a Nigerian born American. At first it was rough, but I was the one holding the relationship just because i like her I needed the relationship to work butshe couldn’t bear the distance stuff so she left, that was 2016 March. I found another… Oh my God it was heaven on earth.. Will talk via WhatsApp for hours exchange pictures and lot more. She promised coming to Nigeria to see me, not after her birthday last week everything changed. She told me it won’t work between me and her that she needed some space. I was heartbroken and devastated cause I really don’t know what to do, she captured my heart and let go just like that. Am planning going to America to see her but I really don’t know what her reaction will be like. Please I need your sincere advice on this cause am really really confuse.
Hi Ifreke thanks for reaching out. I don’t think that traveling to America to surprise her would be a good idea. If she’s ended the relationship I think it would probably make her uncomfortable to have someone just show up like that.
If you would like to go and meet her, I suggest trying to talk to her first. Communicate and see if she would be willing to meet if you traveled there. But make sure you’ve talked about it before you go, because otherwise the trip might not go so well.
For a long distance relationship to work, both people have to be fully committed, so if she’s not open to communication and has decided she wants to move on, there’s unfortunately not a lot to do.
Hopefully your someone special finds you soon!
Wow. What a beautiful story.
I’m a 16 year old whose managed to fall for someone online, even though I haven’t met them. We video chat almost every night even with the 5 hour time difference and never seem to run out of things to talk about. I’ve only told a couple of really close friends about it and they’re very sceptical (even though I said that if we’re still like this in a couple of years then I would travel there) saying that she’s probably getting ‘pounded day and night’ to use one of phrases used to dissuade me.I think the negativity advice is really good and I’ll try and follow it (If it works out then I’ll be the one with a relationship and they’ll still be playing Xbox in their parents loft.)
I’d like to ask for some advice though on what to do if we met, because I could see it being a bit strange meeting, and she’s quite a shy person so I don’t know what we’d do in her home town?
And I hope you have a great time in your marriage and thank you for the hope.
Hi George, thanks for reaching out :) I think the tricky thing for most people with the scenario of meeting and falling for someone online is the possibility of that person not being who they say they are. However if you’re video chatting that’s a great sign, because this is obviously not a worry.
Video chat is great because it’s the closest thing to actual interaction you can get in this type of relationship – better than speaking on the phone because you can see the person, pick up on their body language etc and it’s much more intimate.
Ignore your friends who are being negative – they’re saying that type of thing because it’s outside their comfort zone and not something they understand or know.
If you do meet, my biggest advice is not to put too much pressure on it. Meet up casually as just friends, see how it goes, and don’t go in with any big expectations. Trying to force something is what quickly ruins it. If the chemistry is there and you hit it off, you can then progress at a pace which is natural for you both.
Go out for lunch maybe or take her on a picnic if there’s a nice lake around. Or something casual and fun like bowling. Avoid things like movies where you won’t have the chance to interact and talk. I find that makes it even more awkward.
And just remember that you’re both still young and will change as people over the next couple of years. Be open to the possibility and give it a chance, but don’t try and rush it or go too fast. And if it works out, that’s incredible for you both. If it doesn’t work out you’ve been open to the possibility of love, and won’t carry any regrets in life :)
Hope it all works out for you! Wishing you both all the best X
Me and my girlfriend are a very young couple who met online almost 10 months ago. She lives in Israel and I live in America. We both plan on meeting each other and visiting soon but we’re not sure how we can because of the money and my parents don’t like that idea. So soon hopefully something happens and we both plan on heading into the military but she won’t be in a combat role thank god. I plan on doing small term then going back in a little while. She plans on doing two years. I don’t know when we can meet or how exactly we can plus my parents are really not in favor of me going over there and n we don’t have enough money because we have a big family to take care of. I really don’t know how we can do this that well and I’m not getting any support or help on this. As I said we are pretty young, so it really makes it harder for us and I feel all alone with her trying to accomplish this. She’s one year older than me basically and one grade higher so she’ll graduate before me. I was planning on spending time with her on her second year in the military then going into the military. Later I’ll go back and spend a year or so there then she’ll Spend as much time as she can here then we get married. Not a very good plan but it stresses me out especially since I love her and feel very close to her like we’ve known each other for years and because we’re a pretty young couple. I can’t see my future with anyone else and I’d rather not want anyone else. I just don’t know how we can meet every now and then since my parents don’t want me going because it’s “dangerous” and the money. I need help with this and it’s be great if you can reply. I would do anything to see her in person honestly.. I know you’re not an expert in this but a little support would be amazing and kind. Thank you
Hi Cole, thanks for reaching out :) The secret to long distance relationships, and really any relationship for that matter, is that they’ll work if both people want them to. It sounds as though you’re both committed to each other, so as long as you manage to maintain this commitment, even if you can’t meet for a while, that’s what will see you through.
It sounds like you both have busy lives and have reasonably clear plans for what you want to do, and it’s important to keep sight of individual goals, especially when you’re young. What I’m taking from your situation is that the timing sucks right now.
I think the best way to move forward is to both acknowledge that the timing sucks, but you’re both still committed and because you love each other you believe you can make it through. Saying that out loud actually helps. You have to really believe it.
Keeping a plan to spend time with her in her second year is good. Plans are important because they give you direction and something to look forward to. Even if it’s a year away, you’ve still got something which lets you know that it’s worth being in this relationship, and it’s worth holding on because there’s something to work towards.
Even if you don’t think it’s a very good plan, it’s still a plan. Believing that it’s going to work is a very powerful thing to staying committed and not throwing in the towel.
Perhaps you can slowly start having conversations with your parents about why they think Israel is dangerous, and start trying to convince them that it is in fact a safe place. You would have to figure out how best to approach that, but maybe even if you invited them to chat to her on video chat and they formed a bond or could at least put a face to the name. Sometimes (if they hit it off) this can help bridge the gap between their negative mindset.
Hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best. Hang in there!!
I loved reading your story. I met this great guy online and have been friends for the past 5 months. We just came forward with our feelings to start working our way to a relationship eventually. He is 26 in the Netherlands and I am 22 in America. With his full time job and me still in school its a bit difficult to find a time for us to meet and plan. Both of us have communicated well and its really exciting and terrifying for me at the same time to try a relationship out again. We are planning to meet this Christmas up until his birthday in early January, when we would call it official maybe. This is just something new and incredible different to be with someone who communicates well and makes me happy, and it is incredibly fresh and new still. I truly hope to make this work with him and see us somewhere together in the world. He is even helping me learn dutch! But just reading this article made me really excited and hopeful to see where me and him go.
Hi Stormy, thanks for sharing your story :) Congrats on meeting a great guy, the getting to know you stage of a relationship is always the most exciting time :)
Hope you have a wonderful trip at Christmas, and in the meantime, all the best learning Dutch!
Hello Megan
I’m from Singapore. My girlfriend is from southern China, she’s a 4-hour flight away. She’s a veterinarian. I’m in the process of taking over an Engineering family business.
We met in January last year when she was on a short vacation to Singapore, we had feelings from then, but remained friends. Then December last year she visited me. Our connections grew deeper and we decided to start a relationship. Right from the beginning, our attitude towards the relationship has been – we hold onto each other because we have good feelings and connections. But we are both afraid the relationship may end because of reality. Nonetheless we still want to give this relationship a try.
Reality is harsh. My family business is in a crucial transition phase (succeed – becomes a large business; fail – die off) and I will be anchored in Singapore for a long time. While she is more flexible with her job arrangements, she’s afraid if she moves, she’ll leave everything she had behind – family, friends, adapting to a new culture etc, and she only considers making that move for me. We also have less than supportive parents (my dad wants me to consider the business’s priorities first – she can wait; her parents are afraid she’s still unmarried in her late 20s and want her to match-make, and casually dismiss me as foolish love).
We communicate via text daily. I usually do more text because of her long working hours, and sometimes when I feel insecure I text her more than I should. We video call once a week. In terms of visits in person, as I said, we are just a 4-hour flight away. We try to meet when both countries have the same public holidays, or try to arrange business trips there.
Our emotions fluctuate. Whenever we meet in person, our passion rekindles and we resolve to eventually unite for real. But when we are apart, we start to feel insecure. Just last week she asked me – “Will our relationship break down if I cannot make the move to Singapore?” It didn’t destroy my feelings or commitment for her, but it did shook my faith in the relationship in a big way.
I sense that she wants to be with me, but given how big the sacrifice she has to make in order to do that, she’s not ready for it. And I need to work on my own insecurities as well.
How can I guide this relationship forward?
Hi TL, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear that your reality is so harsh – it can be extremely difficult being in a long distance relationship, especially when you can’t see a light at the end.
But it sounds like you both have a true passion for one another, so in terms of moving the relationship forward I think that maintaining your daily communication is the biggest key. And staying open and honest, and trying to address your insecurities. Even if you have to say “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I desperately love you and am committed to making it work until we figure it out”.
When you take trips to see each other, do you visit her, or does she come to Singapore? Perhaps you could have her come to Singapore and introduce her to your family and friends (I don’t know if you’ve already done this), and do things with her which give her insight into what life in Singapore would be like. If she feels as though she could have support from people there, or could visualize what life would be like there, perhaps it would be a lot less scary.
Hope that helps somewhat! Wishing the best for both of you X
It is the great post for the long distance relationship and awesome picture captures.
Thanks Amanda :)
Hey meg!
You have an amazing story! An inspiring one actually!
I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now. We were in the same university back in India and started dating 6 months before I had to leave to come back to France.
My family stays in New Delhi and he lives in Mumbai. I have 10 days of spring vacation in Paris and he surprised me by booking tickets for me to come to Bombay. I am grateful to have someone like him in my life. It sounds childish but I have all these negative thoughts that I am not telling anyone at home that I am going to be in India and what if something happens to me while I am travelling, they’d never know and weird things like that.
I told him about this and the sweetheart he is, he said if I think it is a huge step or if i am skeptical about it and I don;t want to come, it’s okay with him.
Just want your opinion on this, should I stay or should I go :P
For the record, I love him, will hopefully spend the rest of my life with him.
Hi Subha, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story :) Congrats on meeting such an incredible guy :)
If you’ve been dating for two years and you love him, go to Bombay. I’ve heard incredible things about travel in India, so I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time. And I’m sure he’ll look out for you.
You can do things like give your family back home your itinerary, and emergency contact numbers for like the hotel etc and where you plan to be, so that way if they need to contact you or they don’t hear from you they know who to contact to figure out what’s going on.
In the grand scheme of things, its 10 days, things could go wrong traveling anywhere in the world, so go and have an amazing holiday :)
Hope that helps! XX
Love this post Megan! I don’t think I knew you met this way. Nathan & I were also long distance for about 1 1/2 years and the phone is how we got to know eachother too. And hallelujah for Skype! xx ::)
Thanks Amy! Yep, 12 hours to chat and then whirlwind long distance after that! I had no idea that you and Nathan also met this way :) Yes, my God, Skype is pretty much what got us through!!
Here’s to making it to the other side!!
:) lovely, such a romance story, i am Vietnamese and my boyfriend is Korean, hopefully that we would have happy ending
Hi Claire; you can make it. You are fairly close for travel. I am in Canada, and my wife lived in China, close to Vietnam. Keep in touch with WeChat or QQ or something.Trust your partner, and keep positive
Good luck
Hey Megan. My boyfriend is from Aus and I’m from Brazil. It’s just like you said, trying to stay positive and talk every day. Also, I think is very important not to overthink, if both sides are committed to making it work, things will be fine.
I’m planning on going to Australia but it’s difficult with the visa thing and the fact that is really expensive.
I know we will be together no matter what or where.
Thank you for telling your story, it is really reassuring. Xo
Hi Aline, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Absolutely agree on the not overthinking things – it’s hard, but letting go and being willing to go with the flow is the best way to keep it healthy and positive on both sides :)
Wishing you both all the best – hope the visa process is smooth for you – the hardest part is always being in limbo when it comes to that, it frustrates me to no end how long the process is!! And the expense too obviously.
But it sounds like you’ve got a strong relationship, so I’m sure you’ll pull through!
All the best XX
Love your story Megan. But right now I’m having problem with my partner who is studying in a different city from where i am. We started dating 2 months back and I’m having this feeling that our relationship is one sided, I’m the only one who calls and seems uninterested sometimes . We talk through whatsapp sometimes and there are moments when I don’t even know what to talk about, she doesn’t cooperate at all though she claims she loves me but i do not see it. What do u think i should do? And what do u think i should do to make our convos less boring?
Thanks.
Thanks Leo :) … Sorry to hear you’re having trouble with your partner :( The thing with long distance relationships is that both parties do have to be invested in them to make them work. It can’t be one sided.
How far away are your cities from each other? Perhaps you could try and plan a visit to see her? I would recommend trying to have the conversation and tell her how you’re feeling – come out and say that you’re struggling because you feel the relationship is one sided, and that she’s uninterested, and see what she says to that.
Obviously you want to salvage the relationship, but ultimately actions speak louder than words. She could be in love with the idea of making the long distance relationship work but not be too keen on the actual reality of it.
I think your first step is to try and have the straight up conversation and see how that goes. But you have to be willing to accept the response if she says she can’t do it anymore. And then next I would recommend trying to set up a weekend trip if it’s cheap enough to go visit. You’ll get a good sense from an actual visit if anything has changed, if your personalities have changed from being apart etc.
Try and use video chat when you’re apart, because being able to see each other gives more of an insight into context of what they’re saying, or if they really are bored and uninterested. And it gives you that more personal connection than just voice.
Ultimately though communication is the biggest key to a successful relationship, so if you can’t talk to each other that’s not the greatest sign.
To make a conversation less boring you could write down things you want to tell each other throughout the day, that way when you get to talk you don’t forget everything you could have said. She could do the same. Ask questions if you’ve run out of things to tell her from your day, tell her about the small moments of your day, even if they seem like they’re unimportant. You could play games, like online games against each other and that might get the conversation flowing naturally, especially if you guys have a competative nature.
Try and think outside the box and ultimately be honest :)
Hope that helps!
Hi megan,your story is amazing,am jolly from Uganda and am currently in a ldr with a Finnish man,we have been dating online for one year now and he is planning to travel to see me but he is extremely busy with his company…..We love each other alot that sometimes we find ourselves crying on phone.. It’s crazy,he talks about us getting married and having kids some day but the distance is really a problem but we love each other that we will get through this…We are just figuring out the easiest way to meet personally,what do you think would be the easiest way out because it’s not easy for me to get a visa from Africa if we are not married, please i need your advise
Hi Jolly, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. The first step is to actually meet, because even though your connection on the phone is incredible, the physical aspect of a relationship is important too. So when you do meet, it might be as incredible as you imagined and you can plan the next steps for marriage and immigration, or you might decide, ok the physical relationship is more of just a friend.
It sounds like there is a lot of love and commitment from both sides though, so I’m sure you will find a way through it. If he can come visit you in Africa, that’s where you need to start, and then you can look at applying for visas to go to Finland, or plan a ceremony.
Or if Africa is too far away perhaps you could try and meet somewhere in the middle where it is possible for you to travel without too much issue with visas.
My advice is to find the time and a way to meet, and then take the next step with marriage / immigration visas.
Hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best
I am so looking forward to meeting the man that I met online dating site. We have been texting for 3 months and sending each other video clips. I fly from Wisconsin to Oregon this coming Friday for the weekend. We both have been widowed I am 61 and he is 57. After sharing with him the last 3 months it just feels so right.
So lovely to hear that you’ve met an amazing man Pamela :) Have a great trip to Oregon this weekend! Wishing you both all the best :)
Megan,
Thank you for sharing because this is resonating in my current life. We met in Cabo and he lives in Calgary, Alberta and I live in Buffalo, NY. It is extremely difficult and I adore him to not let it work. I also started a blog http://www.missnicelife.com where I like to submit my travel plans and tips. If you have anymore insight I would love to hear! Thanks and cheers
Hi Ashleigh, thanks for reaching out :) Congrats on having met an amazing guy :) It’s definitely difficult to maintain a long distance, but hopefully our insight is helpful.
The post covers everything which made our relationship work, but if you have any specific questions let us know and happy to help where I can :)
Hey!! I read your blog post because I am American and my partner is Australian! We met last year (July) while I was on a one year sponsored work visa. I decided to get on a work and holiday visa this year to stay longer. My visa expires in January and I’m trying to figure out how to make things work. I would prefer not to do long distance, but it looks inevitable. This girl is the woman of my dreams and I am going to be with her for the rest of my life, I know it. So my question is, did you guys find it easier to immigrate to Australia or America. I read that you guys are choosing America, but I’m curious if there is a reason visa related? Also, what are the specifics for that visa that you’ve figured out? I know for the australian partner visa you need to be living with your partner for the year prior to applying for the visa, but for financail reasons we can’t claim this year, so if I have to leave we don’t know how to actually live together and prove that we have lived together. Is there similar rules for the American partner visa? thanks so much!!!!!
Hi Cassidy, thanks for reaching out – and congrats on finding an incredible partner!
We first moved to America where I immigrated based on a K1 Fiance Visa, got married, and then applied for a change of status and got my green card. Two years later we made the decision to base ourselves in Australia, and applied for Mike’s visa based off being married for two years.
Our reasons for immigrating to America in the first place were that he owned a home there, and we thought it would be worthwhile spending some time on that side of the world before settling in Australia for good. So it wasn’t really visa related.
I have a write up on the process I went through to get my American green card based off the K1 visa, if you want to shoot me an email I will forward the specifics and overview – meganjerrard@gmail.com
I’ve found that while there will be some differences, generally American and Australian processes tend to be very similar. But shoot me an email and I can send you our experience with the American side of things.
WOW! This story really moved me. I met the love of my life in Miami Beach in March and we were together for 10 hours a day for about 7 days. I am from USA and her Brazil. We never fought or argued and decided to try to keep things going, but we were only texting and occasionally FaceTiming. Today we FaceTimed for about a half hour with her just going through her routine of a meal before bed, getting things ready for the next day and brushing our teeth and turning the lights off together for bed. We say good morning everyday through messenger.
The problems we were having was because we didn’t FaceTime or speak on the phone much, just the FB messenger and you explained how you need tone and feelings. We would each take messages the wrong way. She told me today that it’s better on FaceTime because of she gets to hear speech (she’s cute because she’s learning English). I agree and felt so better, neither of our friends support this and think we are crazy. It’s very early in our relationship, but sometimes you just know when you found someone. Because of my past relationships, I have trust issues.
I’m going to send her this to read so that she knows we aren’t the only crazy ones going through this and it definitely can work out!
Hi Marc, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. And congrats on finding an amazing girl!
You’re spot on that it’s better to FaceTime if you can. Or Facebook Messenger actually has the capability to video or phone call now for free too. Because yes, it’s very easy to take things out of context when you can’t hear someone’s tone or meaning. So definitely focus on actual phone conversations as much as you can.
It’s always difficult with a long distance relationship because hardly anyone around you will understand, and support goes a long way to maintaining a positive attitude. But if you’ve got each other and you can be open about having had a bad day, or your silly friends, that’ll pull you through.
Sorry to hear about your past relationships. I know it’s easier said than done, but leave the past in the past and try not to let it affect what’s new. As you said, sometimes you just know :)
But yes, from our experience, and from the couple of hundred comments we’ve been left here, these relationships can definitely work! They’re hard, but they can work!
Wishing you both all the best XX
Reading these comments and your story is a big sigh of relief. My girlfriend has just left for her travels to Australia for a year and there’s been a lot of negative comments. Few positive. We’re both scared but both fully committed to making it work. It’s only been 3 days and I’m already missing her like crazy. Can’t wait till I go out and see her in December. Posititivity and communication is key.
Hi Michael, thanks for sharing your story – count us towards the positive comments you’ve received :D You can absolutely pull through, most people don’t think long distance will work because they’ve never been in the situation themselves, or perhaps haven’t met anyone special enough to wait for :D!!
But if you’re both committed, there’s no reason a year abroad has to mean ending your relationship – the year will fly by and I’m sure December will be here before you know it :) You’re exactly right that communication and positivity is key.
Wishing you both all the best! X
Hi, Nice post..!! Thanks for sharing the blog.
Glad you enjoyed the post :)
Hi there, I really enjoyed this post! I’m struggling with my own long-distance relationship – former relationship, actually. We were originally going to live together in America (where I’m from) before deciding whether or not to move (to England, where he’s from). The embassy denied his extended trip here and said they thought he would overstay and live here illegally. This wouldn’t have happened, but they denied him based on their assumptions. It certainly put a large wrench in our plan. My whole family is here and I have cats that I’d have to somehow transport, so I didn’t feel ready to move to England. We ended up breaking up because of the indecision, but never truly got over one another. This was almost a year ago. :( As much as moving sounds exciting and as much as we owe it to ourselves to explore this relationship further, I can’t seem to take the plunge and leave behind everything I’ve ever known. Anyway, I’m not sure what advice you may be able to give, but any at all is much appreciated!!
Hi Elizabeth, thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear about his visa being denied and your break up.
When it comes down it, it sounds like the choice is to either take the plunge and move to England, or accept to move on.
Yes, an international move is scary, and it’s hard leaving everything you’ve ever known, but if everything’s too hard once you get there and it doesn’t work out after a couple of months, you can come back. Your family will always be there, you’re not breaking up with them by moving to a different place, and can keep those relationships strong via video chat and phone calls etc.
And absolute worst case scenario, you hate it, but come home. You’ll probably be out the money from flights but don’t have to live with the regret of never knowing what could have been.
If it helps with your mindset, perhaps commit to visiting England for 12 months. People take gap years and extended vacations all the time. That way it’s not a permanent decision, but if you get there and love life, you can make it a permanent one.
Hope that helps! All the best … take the jump! X
Hi Megan,
I am so happy to see such a positive outcome for your long distance relationship! That is such a great love story.
I also have married a man that I adore who is from Algeria, North Africa. And I’m American.
I’ve had similar worst case scenarios spouted off to me by many people, but I’m happy that I didn’t listen.
Someone said “What if you go, and the guy doesn’t show up?” Apparently, she had that happen to her. Well, I knew that he would be there at the airport to meet me, and he was there.
Had other people just act really suspicious because he is from another country. And? That doesn’t mean he’s bad if he’s from another country. It just means he’s from another country.
Had my Grandpa’s companion tell me I should go with a guy who I had no interest in. Because he was American.
People will try to tell you who they think you should be with based on their own selfish reasons. It’s possible they are unhappy and jealous, and want to see things not work out for you.
Finally, I went to meet him in Tunisia after talking online for almost 2 years. So, I knew him pretty well by that timr. And then we decided to get married there.
Travelled into Algeria & stayed there with him and his family for about 3 months. Then came back to America to wait for him to come here.
It can, and does happen. We’ve been married for over a year, and are working on being together in the same country. It’s not easy, but we are both committed to making it work.
It all levels out. Yes, there are long distance relationships that don’t work out, but there are others that do. And sometimes we need to just take the chance to be with the one we really love.
Hi Cara, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story, congratulations on making it work for you! I’m so glad that you didn’t listen to the negativity too – you’re absolutely right, long distance relationships are just like anything else in life in that what’s right / works for one person might be completely different from the next.
I’ve found that the best path to happiness is not accepting limits just because someone else says it’s so. Massive congrats on finding your happiness and making it work.
Wishing you all the best – I hope visas etc come through to allow you to be in the same country soon :)
XX
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.. omg at this moment I am going to a horrible moment. my French love who lives in Auch France and I live in California feels this relationship hurts him too much we were both crying this morning we are like twin souls. I was going to book my flight to go see him for the first time after 3 months but after this I kind of want to do it SOONER. I am so heartbroken, because I finally found someone so similar to me (with some differences of course) and now I have to forget about it and let it go =(… on the other hand I am truly happy you married your soulmate. Any Advice for me?
Thankyou Mariela … I’m so sorry to hear that you are hurting and that he wants to move on instead of being apart. Are you in a position to make a big leap of faith and visit France for a couple of months? Spend time with him and see if you can come up with a plan on how to make the rest of your life work?
My advice will always be that if you both love each other and can stay mutually committed to the relationship, you can make it through and should definitely give it a go. But it will always be very difficult being apart for such long periods of time.
If you feel as though this is a moment in your relationship where it might be make or break, and you are in a position to visit France, I would say take the leap and believe in love. You can then hopefully spend time together to strengthen your bond, and work on plans for how you’ll make your relationship last going forward. If you can’t make it over to France earlier, my best advice is a lot of video chats until you can. Daily if you can, so you both feel as though you’re a big part of each other’s lives.
Hope that helps! Wishing you all the best to make it through. XX
Meg Jerrard.. thank you beautiful for replying back to me. yeeees I will go in July after I TAKE an important exam at school, I am willing to go on this adventure despite the fact that I have never been to Europe good thing I speak a basic French now lol…. I will keep you posted. I believe in destiny and I want to find out what it has for me….
How exciting :) Wishing you all the best – definitely keep us posted. Ultimately, there’s only one way to find out, and even if it doesn’t work out later down the line, you never have to spend your life wondering what could have been – I always rather taking the risk over living a life full of regret :)
Good luck in your exam, and I hope it works out for you! XX
I’m so happy for you, mine did not turn out so well, I met my American when he came to Australia – we hit it off and I tried to stay in contact, but it fizzled. We re-connected 10 years later and at first it was amazing, he was full of love and regret for not keeping in touch and said I was never far from his mind, we talked and video called daily, he asked what it would take for me to move over and we started planning a future, we planned for him to come over and for me to go to him and to meet in London, so I flew over first(at his repeated request) and spent a few days with him, he was so cold and distant almost immediately and I tried to talk while we were there, but got nowhere, I questioned it when I got home, but he flatly ignored my concerns and after 2 months of slowly dwindling contact – he has now blocked me from his phone and email etc. I was heart broken and confused, now I just feel pretty numb to it and just disappointed by his behaviour.
Hi Jade, I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. Sounds like the problem is with the guy. It’s not ok for him to behave that way. Having given it a go twice, if he contacts you in the future I would say to make it known that you’ve moved on.
It’s awesome that you took the jump on the possibility of love though; don’t let his behavior turn you off from making the same jump in the future when someone amazing comes along … which they will :)
Wishing you all the best XXX
Hello, Nice post..Your story is amazing.. liked it.. Thanks
I’m glad you enjoyed the post :)
Hi. Your story was amazing. I’m currently in a great relationship with my love. But I should move to the US for my PhD study program. It will begin about next month and so we will go to a long distance relationship. Both of us are students. Fortunately, she has a plan to continue her studies in the US, But it takes at least a year to meet again. Now I am in a stressful situation. I don’t know what does a long distance relationship look like? And how can I handle it? I can’t forgive myself if this relationship will be ended. I need some help.
Hi Sina, thanks for reaching out. It’s definitely a scary situation to face, but I stand by my opinion that if both people are fully invested in the relationship you can definitely make it work.
Studying for your PhD will probably keep you so busy that the 12 months will fly by and you’ll be together again. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open as this is the most important thing – video chat, Skype, phone calls – make a routine which works for both your locations and try to stick to that as much as possible.
I think that strong love can survive :)
Wishing you both all the best
Hi Meg! Your post has so inspiring and given me so much hope! Thank you for writing it! I have just met a lovely guy while on my student exchange here in Australia, however just two weeks before I am about to just back to my country South Africa. We have talked so much about how we want to settle down and be with each other but now that I am heading back home, I am completely crushed and he is shocked too! Should I have a talk with him whether he would like to do long distance or not? I do not want to seem clingy because I’ve only know just known him for a week now and I don’t want to seem like I’m putting pressure. Please advice me on how to go about it as I only have a week left :)
In addition, I am in my last university year and he is working already :)
Hi Tracy, thanks for sharing your story – sorry to hear you have to separate so quickly!
After Mike and I met it was probably 2 months between separating and making it official. We had been talking everyday on the phone so figured why not make it official.
If you guys have already talked about wanting to settle down with each other I don’t think it would be a stretch to suggest trying out a long distance relationship and seeing how that goes. However you could also approach it by keeping in close contact as much as possible for a couple of weeks / months and then suggest it if the communication keeps up.
If you wanted to go that route, maybe you could suggest keeping in touch and seeing if it leads into an LDR after you get to know each other better. That way it’s putting the idea on the table, but also giving him space to not have to commit to the idea right now.
Hope that helps! Wishing you the best!
Dear Meghan,
I loved reading your story and hope you don’t mind if I share mine. I’ve been in a LDR for five years – I’m Australian and my man is Scottish. We met playing, of all things, an online game that both our kids were playing at the same time. We were both online to make sure they were safe in game. We met and chatted in the game, and he was lovely and friendly. We “friended” each other and in just a few weeks we realised that the kids were no longer playing (having moved on to the next “must play” game) and we were really logging on to speak to each other. We decided to Skype but only via message as we were both very shy. We spoke morning and night every day and as we learned more about each other we had many “omg…me too” moments as we found more and more things in common. Then one night he accidentally phoned me on Skype and I heard his voice for the first time. We then shared photos and we saw each other for the first time. Dario told me that he was going to Italy for Christmas so I decided that I needed to see if this crazy thing was real. I booked a flight and we met in Rome. I had a massive panic attack an hour before I landed (Oh good Lord…what am I doing!!!!) but the moment he hugged me I felt like I’d come home. Our magical time in Italy proved that what we had was real and we decided not to let the distance stop us. We’ve now been together for five years, spoken every day at least twice a day and been together for a total of 20 weeks (four trips by me). Dario is coming to Australia in October for five months (Scottish man may die in Australian summer heat lmao). To meet the love of my life later in life (I’m 52) has been amazing. We have no idea how or when we’ll be together but we just stay positive everyday that it will eventually happen. Sorry this is so long Meghan but it’s a blessing to find others who have dealt with the negative comments etc but who still follow their hearts. Love to you and Mike xx
Hi Catherine, thanks for sharing your story – congrats on having met the love of your life! Dario sounds wonderful :)
It’s amazing how you may not have known someone for very long, or in our cases maybe have spoken to them for the longest time but not actually met, but once you’re together you know it’s right. I really feel that the long distance forces a more intimate emotional connection, because speaking over the phone is your only avenue of contact, so you get to know each other on a deeper level, faster than perhaps a traditional relationship progresses.
I hope you have an incredible time when he comes to visit in October. I’m sure once your family and friends meet him and realize how good you are together the negative comments will stop :)
Wishing you both all the best. Believe in what you’ve got! XX
I have recently met a great guy online through facebook. He is from Tunisia and I am american. We talk everyday. He speaks of love and marriage everyday but says he will wait until I am ready. I completely agree that we are really getting to know each other one day at a time. He has introduced me to his family except for his parents who I will meet when I go me next summer. It is good to read a success story as I have only received negativity for this. His age plays a factor as well because he is younger but I feel that with this just like a conventional relationship if you both work at it it could work well. We shall see. Congratulations on making it work.
Congrats Yavette :) It’s nice to hear that he’s happy to wait until you’re ready – even though it’s so difficult to be apart, definitely still need to take the time to get to know each other etc and make sure it’s what you want. He sounds wonderful – I’m glad we could share our story to offer you hope – you’re absolutely right – long distance relationships are no different from a conventional one in the sense that it’ll work if both parties are invested in making it so.
Wishing you both all the best! XX
After reading all these comments, I felt it would be encouraging to share our story.
I met my fiancee nearly two years ago on a Christian prayer site online. I had commented on her prayer but it wasn’t till a week later she messaged me back. We hit it off straight away and talked non stop every chance we got.
Most didn’t believe it would last because of the distance and age gap, her being in the Netherlands and I’m in Adelaide Australia, and 20+ years age gap.
But after nearly two years she is finally going to be moving to Australia and we are getting married. She has a job here and I am amazed how God has supplied everything beyond what we believed. We’ve only had 6 weeks together in two years, I’ve been there twice and she came here for two weeks to meet the family. Nearly 16000km apart and our only communication has been Skype whatsapp and calls and it has worked because we know we are meant to be together and have put the effort in to make it work.
Thankyou so much for this post, my fiancee actually came across this lol.
I hope this encourages those out there who have friends or family who keep saying it won’t work, because we had all that and we were determined to make it work.
Everything about us is so similar and our history and interests etc etc
I’m just so thankful to God for bringing us together when we both had given up hope of ever finding true love, because now we are together we would never change anything. We have found the one our soul was looking for.
Congratulations on an amazing story, very glad to have found so many in the same or have been in the same situation.
Daniel
Hi Daniel, thankyou for reaching out and sharing your incredible story. A Huge congratulations to you and your fiance!! Congrats on having found each other, and for making it work and sticking with it throughout the difficult points.
Yes it’s very difficult for people who have never been in the situation themselves to understand, and sadly this often comes out as negativity from the people you need support from the most.
But I find they become believers after they see that it does work, and then their approach to long distance relationships is “I know a guy who met a girl, and now they’re married and insanely in love”!
Wishing you both all the best. Congrats again :)
Hi there! I’m so in love with your story! I hope I have as much luck as you did. I visited Australia last year and met an amazing guy. We have been in contact ever since. He’s coming to America next year in July! I’m so excited because we are going to Jamaica together as well. His parents knows about me and vice versa. Fingers crossed! You have such an inspirational story!
Congrats Stephanie! Thanks for sharing your story, and I’m so glad to hear that you liked ours :)
Jamaica sounds like an incredible vacation to spend time together, and it’s great that his parents know about you and vice versa :) Family can be such a crucial support :)
Wishing you both all the best! It’s a long road but you’ll get there!
I really really need help. This is a crazy love story that nearly everyone pities.Maybe you will be different. My boyfriend was a foreign exchange student in my school… High school. Yes, we are both very young and maybe we are just dreaming for wanting this to work. He lives in Brazil and I live in America, we both love each other very much but we are having a terribly difficult time making this work. We’re just so scared and we miss each other more than anything. We are both going to college and have limited money so we won’t see each other for a very long time… Five years to be exact. We may see each other once or twice a year. I don’t know what to do or how to do this. I’m still so very young and I need help badly, I know this is what I want but I don’t know how to do it. Please help me!
Hi Emily, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Yes, it sounds like the timing for you guys really sucks, because you are both so young, and have a lot of life experiences ahead of you, your journey through college etc. And this stage of your life really shapes you into the person you become, so you’re both likely to change over the coming years as you continue to learn and grow.
Now that’s not to say that it’s not going to work out for you guys, because crazier things have happened in life! And sometimes you really do just know. But it does mean you’re going to have to be really SUPER patient, be flexible, and adopt a mindset of letting life go where it decides to go.
Knowing that it’s going to be a really long run to make it work, I would say the best thing is to probably both accept that you’ve got college coming up, and don’t know what’s going to happen in life.
Keep talking on the phone, keep emailing, keep sharing intimate details about your day etc, but instead of trying to force the relationship to maintain itself for the next 5 years, adopt a mindset that you both want it to work, but you’re not going to put pressure on it. You’ll just see where it goes.
If you can meet up a couple of times every year, that’s awesome! If it all gets too hard in 2 years time and you take a break, that might be what you both decide is right at the time. And you could then fire it up again later when the timing is more right. The point is, we don’t know. What’s right for you right now might change over time, so I think the best thing for you both to do is committ to strengthening and maintaining your friendship, be in a relationship if you choose to, but knowing that there’s a long road ahead, be willing to go with the flow.
hope that helps!
PS you could also see if you can organize a student exchange in your second year of college and maybe study in Brazil. I don’t know what opportunities there are at the college you’re going to, but it’s a way to think outside the box anyway.
Or if your semester breaks line up you could try and meet somewhere inbetween America and Brazil, perhaps do a cheap holiday like volunteering somewhere or something like that.
I love this story and plan to share with my daughter. My daughter, now 15 (USA), met a boy of the same age (UK) competing at a gymnastics event in Alkmaar, Netherlands when they were both 13. They kept in touch for 2 years, cards, gifts, facetiming. They told everyone they were best friends with hours of conversations every weekend and texting during the school week. I really thought he was such a nice boy and his parents were very nice also. His parents decided to come to the US to visit, We met them at the theme parks in Florida. For 6 months they planned and talked about how excited they were to see each other. It was so sweet. The first day they held hands. Then 2 days later, his parents came to talk to my husband and I about how their son was overwhelmed and was too afraid to continue the path because he knew he would fall in love and have to separate from her in 2 weeks and he couldn’t bear it. He thought they should just remain friends so it would be easier. My poor daughter is devastated. We all know that young love doesn’t last forever and adding in distance, well that just makes it harder. My daughter is completely torn on throwing away 2 years of friendship but is so sad she can’t bring herself to talk to him. Ugh, young love. I am very proud of the fact that both of them, at such a young age, were able to have such a wonderful relationship for 2 years. As you know, it is a lot of work and at such a young age. I haven’t decided in my head what advice to give her on trying to keep the friendship or let it go. It is just such an out of the box relationship. I am hopeful your story will at least let her know that if she wants to maintain their special friendship (even without more than being friends) that it can work out.
Hi Nikki, thanks for sharing your daughter’s story – it’s so refreshing and lovely to hear that they were able to have such a wonderful relationship for two years. It’s a very sweet story!
It’s really difficult at that age, because as you’ve said, young love isn’t always the love we end up with. But sometimes it is. Sometimes we meet the love of our life at 13, and it’s the greatest love story of our life.
So I would encourage her to keep the friendship going if they are able to. It doesn’t have to be any more right now, but if they remain friends, when they become mature adults, they’ll likely have the foundation of an incredible relationship, and might decide they do want to be together romantically.
I would tell her that there’s no need to put any immense pressure on it right now, but to enjoy the fact that they’re best friends. Because best friends are really hard to come by, and it would be a shame to lose that because the pressure of a relationship is too hard.
So they don’t have to be more right now. And if it doesn’t work out in the future, it doesn’t work out. But it does sound like they have something real, and I think it would be a shame to lose that.
Hope that helps! Wishing her the best XXX
Hi your story is so amazing and very beautiful. I have been in an on and off again relationship with a guy that I met online. Im in the US and he’s in Africa. The only reason that it has been on and off is because I will start doubting it and start feeling like there is no way that we will ever meet. I have done tons of research online and found that it is extremely hard for Africans to obtain a visa to visit the US. I have never traveled so far before and cant think of anyone that will go with me. I am also very afraid of the very long flight so I just dont know what to do. He has become my best friend. If we didnt have the connection that we have I would not even consider having a relationship with him. He truly understands me and is a great person. We skype all the time and I really feel close to him when we do. Any advice would really be helpful. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your story – it sounds to me like it’s time to meet; if you’ve established a strong emotional connection and need to decide if you should either continue or cut ties, the last piece would be spending actual time together.
If he can’t travel to the States, I think it’s going to be down to you to travel to Africa. Which is an amazing opportunity too because it’s an incredible continent – and perhaps you could plan something like a group safari to go on together, where you’re surrounded by other people just in case (always safety first). So for instance instead of traveling to just hang out at his house for two weeks, actually do a tour together; let’s you see the country, and gives you time together, but also the chance to see how you work as a couple around other people.
The nice thing about Africa, depending on which country you’re traveling to, is that the majority of countries are very tourist friendly, with great hospitality, and an understanding of English. It’s very easy to travel through.
I would recommend doing some online research to find some resources and tips for dealing with long flights, as a lot of people have anxiety about long haul flights.
But I think it’s something that you’re going to look back on and wish that you had done. So I think try and prioritize a meet.
Hope that helps!
This was a great story! I actually found it because I met somebody that works for our company in our overseas location. We started talking and everything just feels natural – like I really found my soulmate! Naturally I wanted to get perspective from others who have had a successful long-distance relationship.
Thank you for posting this!
Hi Elijah, I’m so glad you enjoyed our story, thanks for reaching out and sharing yours! Congrats on meeting your soulmate – it can definitely be done re making the long distance :)
Wishing you both the best X
Loved reading this! Will be sharing this post to my sisters who is in a long distance relationship.
So much of it is relatable to relationships in the same country.
Thanks Amela, so glad you enjoyed the post :) Yes I agree, I think a lot of my core message can be applied to building any relationship :)
Your story is inspiring – I have friends that have gone through LDR’s but I think the being from different countries part makes it even more difficult. My bf and I have spent the past 15 months trying to figure out a way to be together with visas and career commitments. It’s exhausting and discouraging and I’m truly losing hope, although I know he is my person and I want to be with him. I feel like the situation puts such a pressure to get married, which I am okay with, but he is not as ready for the idea. I don’t know what to do anymore because it seems like he’s not moving mountains to be with me, but maybe I just need to be patient – any advice?
Hi Nat, thanks for sharing your story, yes it definitely created added strain when there are countries between you as opposed to maybe just States. But if you’re in it together you’ll get through :)
This type of situation definitely puts pressure on you to get married – it was the easiest way forward for us, so that’s what we decided to do. That said, both of us were on the same page, and it’s difficult if such a big step is not something he’s 100% ready for.
I would suggest being as patient as you possibly can be, because it is a big step and you don’t want to pressure him too much. But at some stage he is going to have to realize that if he wants to be with you marriage has to be on the cards. If you truly can’t figure out a way to be together without getting married, maybe you need to have the tough conversation, or at least try to talk about what it’s going to take for him to get to that place. And then for instance, if he says something like he always thought he would date someone for 3 years first (as an example) you can decide whether you can hold out for that long.
It’s a tricky one, but I wish you both the best of luck. XX
love is beautiful feeling and i think to maintain a long distance relationship is little bit tough but not impossible.
Thanks for sharing your story with us i really liked it
and thanks you so much you shared this with us.
Hi David, thanks for reading our post and leaving a comment. I’m glad to hear you enjoyed our story :)
Absolutely – long distance is tough but by no means impossible. All the best X
Megan your story gives me hope and makes me think about my own story :) I am from Mauritius and my boyfriend is from the states . He is always traveling and visiting countries ( thanks to the traveling benefits of working for an airline) and we met on my flight back to Mauritius after a trip in Egypt. It was his first time in Mauritius . Since then we kept talking everyday and the time difference and the distance only makes our love stronger . He visited me twice and met my family and i will visit him in the states for Christmas to meet his family and his world . Im am currently waiting for the visa interview to be able to plan my trip and hopefully i will soon fly to meet him ! Long distance is definitely tough but so worth it.
Hi Elisa, thanks for sharing your story – and congrats on meeting an amazing guy!
Wishing you an amazing time in the States this Christmas – definitely tough to make it work long distance, but when you find the right person there’s no question that it’s worthwhile :)
All the best to you both XXX
Thanks so much you’ve really given me hope. I just pray mine will also work.
You’re welcome Ioula, I’m so glad that our story could give you hope. Wishing you all the best that yours works out XXX
Long distance relationships only work when there is a “Happy Ending” in sight.
It definitely helps when you both have a solid plan you can work towards and look forward to. Wishing you the best in yours.
This story could not have come at a better time… Thank you so much for sharing it, Meg!
A few weeks ago I reluctantly went on a European vacation by myself after my two girlfriends dropped out. I spent a few days in Rome by myself then boarded a cruise ship in Barcelona that is known for being good for solo travelers (they have daily activities and cabins designed exclusively for singles). At the meet and greet on the first night a handsome Scottish gentleman caught my eye. I strategically sat myself across the table from him at the first group dinner, and by the time it was over, we walked out of the dining room holding hands and kissing. We were completely inseparable from that first night on through the next 7 days. In fact, some of the other solo travelers got confused thinking we had come together but booked separate solos cabins…they couldn’t figure out why a “couple as close as us” would have done that!
Flash forward to three weeks later and we are still going very strong. I live in the US and he is back in Scotland, but we IM each other all day long at work and spend an hour each night Face-timing before he turns in for the night. He has booked plane tickets to come visit me in the US over New Years and I have booked tickets to Scotland for April. We are both committed to putting in the work required to keep the relationship going.
Your story was timed perfectly because we came across our first hurdle tonight… Although my friends and family have been completely supportive as has his father, his mother seems to be having doubts about our intentions with one another. I am a 39-year-old woman and he is a 37-year-old man; neither of us have ever been married nor has children. Since we are older, it’s not that either of us needs nor requires our family’s approval, but it was just hurtful to me that his mother is being so negative about the whole thing. We strongly believe that we are each other’s soulmate and that there’s no other reason that we’d both be in our late 30s, never married and without kids other than we were waiting for the universe to align so we could cross paths. Your story is inspiring and it gives me hope that regardless of what his mother currently thinks, it is possible for us to go the distance. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hi Jaclyn, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. So glad that ours was an inspiration for you! It sounds like you’ve found an incredible connection – it’s funny because your story about how people assumed you had been a couple forever is very similar to ours too. After we spent that first night together, we then planned to meet in Scotland for a bus tour 5 months later. It was technically only the second time we had met, and people on the tour thought we were lying when we told them!!
Sorry to hear about the doubts his mother has – I know how hard it is when the people who are most important in your life aren’t supportive or encouraging. In my experience it’s because they obviously care about their son, and because the concept of a long distance relationship is very far outside their comfort zone and what they know as “normal” so to speak. So it’s very difficult to accept. But I did find that as soon as the people around me started to meet Mike, their attitudes changed. They saw us together, and saw us as a real couple, with real intentions. So I think it’s something which you’re going to have to give time, and hopefully she’ll come around when she meets you, and sees that you only have the best intentions for her son. It’s very easy too, to write something off when you can’t put a face to it.
Ultimately, if you both have conviction in your connection, that’s the only thing that matters, and that’s what will get you through. Family approval will follow when they have the opportunity to meet you :)
Wishing you both all the best – hope you have an amazing New Years, and then an amazing time in Scotland in April – it’s such an amazing country, you’ll love it! XX
My boyfriend lives in Iowa, I live in Kansas with my son. I had planned to move back to Iowa (where I am from) with my son, but his dad will not allow that without a fight. So now I am staying here for the long run and Dustin’s life and family are in another state. I feel like I am making him choose between his family and me, and at this point, his family is more important. This is really hurting us both, even though we are really less than six hours apart. We are looking for a way to make this work because we both really don’t want the relationship to end, but we don’t see any other options besides doing long distance, but without an end goal in mind that will be hard. I really don’t want to give up on this because I feel like he could be the real deal. Please give me any ideas you can for how to make it work when family is in different places. Thank you!
Hi Josey, thanks for sharing your story, I can understand how it would be more difficult with family involved. I would say that if you can’t move to Iowa with your son, perhaps the next best thing for spending time together would be to plan for holidays together, or maybe even one or two weekends a month? If that could work out logistically with your custody.
It does definitely help to have an end goal in sight, but in the absence of that, I would think that working out a consistent plan for spending time together would be the next best thing. Then you have a date to look forward to for seeing each other each month.
And hopefully over time a way forward might develop or one of you might find yourself with a new set of circumstances to make something work. Obviously keep talking on the phone as much as possible, everyday if possible, and video chat helps for being able to see the other person.
If you think it’s the real deal and you’re both very committed, it can work out, it just sounds like your situation requires a lot more patience and time than perhaps most might. Which is definitely going to be difficult, but ultimately trust your gut, and if you don’t want to lose it, fight to make it work with everything you’ve got :)
Wishing you both all the best XX
Thank you, I needed to read this right now! I am separated for the second time from my love – we met volunteering in a different country from both of our own. We lived together there for over two years overall but were separated for eight months before and now again for the past month, not knowing where this will end up. We hope to get him a visa to come to the states but everything is up in the air! It is so painful and challenging but there’s no way I’m giving up or listening to others’ “advice,” which is mostly to let him go…
Hi Jennifer, thanks for sharing your story, and yes, please don’t give up! …. or listen to other people’s advice if they’ve never been in the situation themselves.
Ultimately, the only people who know how strong your connection is, is you., Not knowing where you’ll end up is the hardest bit – we lived through many stages of limbo and it sucks. But keep communicating, keep talking on the phone, because the biggest thing which kills a relationship is losing touch. The more you feel like you’re the most important part of each other’s lives, even when you’re apart, the more it will pull you through.
Stay strong! WIshing you both all the best. XX
Hi Jennifer,
After reading your brief story, I am feeling sorrow but there are ups and downs in the lifetime sometimes its goes so well and sometimes it goes so bad anyway this is the tough time for you and take care of you. Frankly speaking I suggest you to end the relationship with that person because this is the sensitive issue it will hurt you again and again find out new life partner and companion who loves you and care you. No doubt you are so beautiful, young and pretty so you should keep happy and cheerful and life is short. I hope you would like my advice.
Your loving friend.
Aziz Ahmed
Hey Everyone!
My name is Brooklyn and I’m a Casting Director at Sharp Entertainment. I’m casting for a new docu-series that may interest some of you – I’m looking for men or women who are in an online/long distance relationship with someone overseas AND planning to meet them for the FIRST TIME! Please email me so we can chat more about it – Brooklyn@sharpentertainment.com
Thanks Brooklyn – sounds like a fab documentary!
i have been in long distance relationship with a guy from USA for 10 years,my friends said the same, hes likely cheating,but no i know him too well. plus he thinks i would be the best looking women where he is at,so i am not intimidated hes been to Australia twice but that was OMG 6 years ago,we talk daily,im not a needy person so it works for us,what i want to know is,if we want to be together ,do we have to marry for him to stay longer than 3months,because i dont want to marry but i want to test living with him for a while.
Hi Jen, thanks for sharing your story – if you’ve been going strong for 10 years it sounds like your relationship is pretty solid. I wouldn’t worry about what your friends say – especially when you know him as well as it sounds like you do.
Ultimately if it works for you, that’s what matters. Depending on how old he is, there’s a work / travel visa for Australia, but you have to be under 30 for that. Otherwise I don’t personally know of other options for extending the 3 months unless he is sponsored by a business on a work contract.
I would say that getting married is probably one of your best options in terms of establishing residency in the country. And honestly the longer you put it off, the more restrictive, time consuming and costly the process of immigration gets. I don’t know if 3 months would be enough time to trial living together, but I think you should be able to get a pretty good gauge of how you both gel living in the same environment from that time.
Hope that helps! Wishing you all the best :)
Hi Meg, I have a question. I met a guy online 12 months ago. He’s from America also and I’m living down under. He said he wants to come and visit in the next couple of months. When I suggested that I visit him a couple of months later (assuming things go well) the conversation never starts. He actually went bush on me for 2 days. I was upset. He said he was just extremely busy. I believe this as he has a very demanding job. But when I mentioned it on the phone he just said yep and that was it. This kind of rang alarm bells for me. I have no other reason to be suspicious at all. He always sends me photos (geo tagged) and calls me, I can call him whenever I want. After this his email replies got slack. I put up with this for 2 weeks, I thought he met someone else but just couldn’t tell me. Anyway I told him his lack of communication was unhealthy and told him it was over. He called me and said he didn’t want to end things and that whenever he thought about me it made him happy. He said he was just scared of meeting me. He said that what if things go well, where would we live. I don’t think he wants to live here. He knows I don’t want to live in America. What should I do? Do you think he’s hiding something or just genuinely scared. We care about each other a lot.
Hi Vanessa, thanks for sharing your story. It’s a fine balance in these situations of trusting your gut instinct, and not ignoring red flags, but still being open and trusting enough to make it work. Because ultimately to make a long distance relationship work you have to fully trust the other person.
If he’s coming to visit in the next couple of months, that’s the first step. Because when you’ve met online, the sooner you can meet in person the better. The emotional connection is really important but you only get a sense of if you could really be together once you’ve physically spent time together, and can see how you interact, behave around each other etc.
Focus on getting him here to visit. If talking about you visiting the States freaks him out right now, maybe it’s too much for him to process or take on. So take it in steps. If everything goes well once you meet in Aus, he’ll probably be in a better headspace to then talk about you coming to the States. But if the conversation stalls after that then that would probably be your red flag.
Ultimately, if everything goes well, one of you is going to have to move. But you haven’t met yet so I wouldn’t worry about it to the point where it stops you exploring what could be an amazing relationship. Once you develop a deeper connection, or meet and realize he is the most wonderful person in the world etc, either of you might change your feelings about moving. But you won’t know whether it’s worth it unless you explore the relationship first. So think about long term practicalities for sure, but don’t put so much pressure on figuring everything out right now when you’re only just starting out.
Hope that helps!
Everyone falls in love once in a lifetime.There are ups and downs in relationship sometimes its goes so well sometimes it goes so bad that we think to end the relationship with person. Social media sometimes ruin your relationship. Whether to trust your partner is cheating or not. Possessiveness all over. social media apps like instagram, snapchat , tinder facebook people look out for new people to talk too. People should take love, relationship advice before going to all this. Relationship are not that easy. And if its a long distance relationship we need to worry more about our partner.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Ananthi – yes, trust in a long distance relationship is the most important key, and talking to them about anything you’re uneasy with, if something pops up on their social media which you’re unsure about, for instance. Open communication and trust are paramount. Social media can be both a blessing and a curse, but as long as you’re on the same page and speak to each other openly, that’s the best way to make a long distance relationship work :)
What a beautiful Megan story. I’m glad it worked out your business with him. You really lived very far from each other in … fifteen thousand kilometers. Practically on the other side of the world :).
Thanks Ana! Yes, it was a long distance for sure, but proves that anything is possible if you’re committed! Glad you enjoyed reading our story :)
Your story gives me big hope
I’m so glad to hear that Ahmed. Wishing you all the best with your long distance relationship :)
Dear Megan,
I really liked your story, because it deals with a lot of things that long distance is, but also gives hope. Which for us poor souls still in the distance is all we need. :-)
I met my long distance girlfriend, on a Red Sea diving liveaboard last november (you spend a week on sea with a close group). She is from Italy and me from Belgium.
After this liveaboard we started chatting and then calling… Italy is not so far… but she told me she is a doctor and would be working in Sudan with children for a year starting 14th December.
So I flew over to Venice on 13th December to wave her off to Sudan for an incredible 3 hours being together in an Airport lounge… and now we are long distance.
We survive by texting, and calling and video chatting, we survive by sending handwritten loveletters, reading together, and generally being available for each other.
I’ll see her again in 2 weeks time in Istanbul for 5 days and we plan to meet each other all over Africa every 2 months until her contract is finished end of October and I move to Italy.
You are totally right, it’s all in being positive and believing in the promise that is a live together after.
Cheers,
Wannes
Hi Wannes, thanks for reaching out, I’m so glad that our story can give you hope. Congrats on meeting such an amazing girl, wow working as a doctor in Sudan is such an incredible thing to do. It sounds like she’s a really wonderful person. (Side note, Red Sea diving sounds amazing!! I’ll have to do that at some point!)
It sounds like you have a really solid plan, so keep calling and video chatting, and really enjoy the trips you take together, as you’ll remember them for the rest of your life. It’s hard, but having trips planned and a date that you’re moving to Italy is something solid to look forward to. You’ll make it through!
Wishing you both all the best XX
Your post is really encouraging. A litte over a month ago I met a guy online. He lives in Australia and I live in America. We have been talking non-stop since we first met. We have talked on the phone and over skype. We just started dating and my friends are all very skeptical. Similar to how yours were. Long Distance relationships are new to me, especially an international one. Your post really gave me a peace of mind that this is possible and not a waste of time. We have known each other for such a short time, but I feel as though we have been talking for years with how often we communicate and the nature of our conversations.
Hi Molly, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I’m glad that our story is encouraging and can give you a little peace of mind.
Yes, it’s a non traditional relationship, and probably a very strange concept to most of your friends, but so many people out there make long distance relationships work, and maybe you can end up being the friend that people tell their friends about, like “Oh I know a girl that worked for actually!”.
Hope you have the chance to meet up in person soon :) Wishing you both all the best XX
hey maggie nice story,but am just a dumbass in this relationship stuff,its jst like nobody wants an african guy,
I truly believe there’s someone out there for everyone :) I hope you find her soon! :)
I am in a long distance relationship with a man that i met about 15 years ago online. We have kept in contact over the 15 ears never meeting till this past year when he made the first step and came to where i live. I live in Canada and he lives in the US. When we met in person we instantly clicked and we knew that we wanted to be together. We have talked every day since and we have made trips to see each other. My family is less then thrilled that i have chosen to move down to be with him. I was wondering, how did you deal with the negativity with friends and family? (if you dealt with it).
Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Ultimately, while family obviously plays a very important part in your life, they need to realize that it’s your life, and should be happy if you’re happy. My family came around after they met Mike, and after they spent time getting to know him. When they saw us together they realized that we were really good together, and that we made each other happy. But it took time. It’s very difficult to understand something when you’re not going through it yourself, or they haven’t seen you together.
And a lot of the time this negativity is coming from a place of misunderstanding, or out of worry for you, or out of sadness that they’re losing you (in the case of moving overseas). But give them time, and hopefully they’ll come around. If it’s constant negativity, and you need to address it, you could literally say to them, look, this is what makes me happy, I really hope that you can respect that and be happy for me. I totally get it if you don’t understand it for now, but if you can’t be nice about my partner we need to talk about something else. That way you’re giving them the chance to come around but still staying in touch, and making it clear that you would love their support, but it’s ultimately your decision.
Hope that helps! And I wish you both all the happiness in the world :)
Thank you Meg for you comment that does help. I hope they do come around because at the moment it is hard dealing with being apart from him and having them bashing the choices that i am making.
You also moved to the States. Do you have any advice on how to deal with moving?
I really loved the move to the States, but I’ve always loved embracing change, so I don’t really experience homesickness where other people might. Coming from Canada, you’re lucky in that there’s no language barrier or really huge cultural divide to get used to – you’ll probably find that it’s very similar in a lot of ways.
If either of these help, I’ve written a post about tips for settling in when you move abroad (giving yourself time, making new friends, maintaining old relationships etc): https://www.mappingmegan.com/tips-moving-abroad-settling-in/
And from a more practical standpoint, a post about things to consider when you move (stuff like visas, money, health, relationships etc): https://www.mappingmegan.com/things-to-consider-when-you-move-overseas/
Let me know if those address your questions?
They did help me out. Thank you again for all your advice The way my family was reacting to this made it seem like it never happened and I was so clearly out of my mind even tho I could not see it. So it was very helpful to read about your experience. Thank you again for sharing your story it is very inspirational and amazing
You’re definitely not the only one :) We get hundreds of hits on this post from people searching Google every day, so you’re not alone! XX
I am not a person that believes that long distance relationships can’t survive. The only thing is, it takes a lot of hard work on both people’s sides to make it work. You’ve pointed out the most important things that go into making a long distance relationship work (I am so happy to read about your good experience) – communication is key, planning regular meet-ups of course and more than anything else, not listening to negativity (which you;ll surely get a lot of). Great tips Megan.
So glad you enjoyed the post Medha, absolutely, it’s a lot of hard work, but LDR’s can absolutely succeed :)
hahahaha Megan I laughed out loud while reading your mom’s reactions! ” You must have been amazing in bed! ” twin reactions I got from my friends when my partner Chris booked a flight ticket from Munich to Bangkok ( where I was staying before ) just for the weekend even we just met and dating for just 2 months! Amazing, right? This is long distance, international love! And truly only works if two people are willing to work it out, put extra effort and yes, travel together! So fun of you guys and you’re so cute together! Couldn’t agree more, don’t listen to negativity! Love wins!
Haha small world! Lol sounds like your friends and my mum would get along then :D! So glad to hear that your LDR has been a success, and it sounds like you have a pretty incredible man there! Totally agree that it works when both people are fully committed and willing to put in the effort – that’s such a lovely gesture to fly long distance to see you for a weekend! What a sweet guy!
Hey Meg,
Your story has given so much hope to me and your advice you have given me has helped a lot. I have chosen to move to the States to be with him and his children and I wanted to ask about the immigration process, and how long it took and how hard of a process it is? Im not sure what visa you chose but I am doing the fiance visa. EEP lol he asked me at the base of a lighthouse and i couldnt be more happier. but now the process is to start and im not sure what to expect..
Thank you
So exciting!!! Congrats! I moved on the K1 Fiance Visa also – shoot me an email and I’ll send you a write up I’ve done for others which outlines the process I went through – it was 5 years ago that I did it now, but I don’t think that much has changed.
Massive congrats!! – email is meganjerrard@gmail.com
My situation isn’t a bit complicated and I’m really looking for some advise. Almost 3 years ago I met someone online and we clicked right away. I’m from the US and he is from Australia. I had told my parents about him and they were okay at first but after a while they decided they didn’t like him and would never approve of him. We had never met in person but we’re hoping to soon and with the help of my family and his we knew it could work but we didn’t have support from my family. My parents basically forced us to stop talking but we found ways around that. I know hiding a relationship from your family is not a great thing to do but we had no other choice. We would call and skype a sale much as we could and text whenever we got the chance. After being together for about 2 years and not being able to meet he distance and secrecy took a toll on our relationship and we ended up breaking up. We still talked a little from time to joe though just to make sure we were okay. After we broke up he started dating someone new and so did I. We have each been with our new partners for almost a year and a half. Recently though we have been talking a bit more and he said that he has been planning a trip with his friends and his girlfriend to the United States and we both agreed that it would be healthy for us to meet because our relationship has always been so complicated. Meeting him would work because my family is in Missouri and I’m in WV for school. However, we have both acknowledged the fact that we don’t know what will happen when we meet. We still love each other and it’s possible that we will want to get back together. This is causing me a lot of anxiety because I do love him but I also love my current boyfriend. But having my ex come back into my life has kind of made me see all of the bad things in my current relationship and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up with my current boyfriend for my ex when we haven’t even met and we don’t know if things will work. I have thought about breaking up with my current boyfriend and I don’t know if it’s because of my ex or because I really don’t see a future. My ex did tell me though that if we met and wanted to get back together he would move to the states so we didn’t have to deal with distance again. I’m really struggling with this and I can’t talk to my current boyfriend about it because he doesn’t know about my ex. I loved my ex way more than I ever thought possible but I also really love my boyfriend.
Hi Alyssa, thanks for reaching out. It definitely makes it more complicated now that you both have partners, and I’m sure that his GF and your BF would probably be hurt if you met up with the idea to rekindle your relationship.
That said, you both have to do what’s right for you. If there’s the opportunity to meet and see if you have the same connection in person, I would go for it. But I would highly caution you to only meet as friends, especially since his girlfriend will be on the same trip. I think it would be disrespectful to her to have traveled overseas with her partner, and have him pursue someone else on the same trip.
But if you meet as friends, you can hang out for a bit, and see if there’s anything there. Then when he goes back you can make the decision as to whether you call it off with your respective partners and pursue your relationship long distance.
I think in your gut you know who you want to be with, so you have to listen to your instincts. But meet as friends (and I definitely wouldn’t tell your respective partners that you previously dated), and then if there’s anything there, you can decide after he has gone back if you want to try again.
If he’s traveling with the intention of doing anything more than meeting you, I don’t think he should be traveling with his girlfriend. Because it’s pretty harsh to leave someone mid trip. So just make sure that your meeting is respectful to both partners.
Hope that helps!
Hey Meg! We are having an LDR with my girlfriend, she is living in Switzerland and I am living in Turkey. Even though all of this 2175 kilometers we can actually make it work. We met in the language course in Brighton, United Kingdom. Our first conversation started when we were in the garden of the school, she was sitting next to the bench where we sat with my friends. She was sitting alone, and my friends told me that we should invite her to our bench. And I said why should we? But my friends didn’t listen to me and invited her to our bench. I am so glad they didn’t listen what I said :) After meeting with her, I was feeling like we are going to be more than friends… And I was right :) after this conversation, our lovely story has begun. We spent 1 month in Brighton and we shared so many things together. At the end of this lovely 1 month, we had to say goodbye… We made it out and we met in this February in Zurich. It was so lovely… But I am so curious about could we really make it out at the end? Can you give us some advice :)
Hi Mustafa, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story – and congrats on meeting someone so great!
The good thing for you guys is that although Switzerland and Turkey are still very far apart, they’re also very close in terms of catching flights to see each other. You can definitely make it out at the end if you both really want to – LDR’s can always work if both people are committed to making them :)
Being that you’re both in Europe, a fun way to meet up could be to plan vacations as often as your budget / work or schooling will allow. For instance yes she could come to you in Turkey, or you could go to her in Switzerland, but you could also meet in countries inbetween, like take a holiday to Prague, or meet up in Italy. You’ve got some really great opportunities for easy travel within Europe, and not only do you get to spend time together, you’re creating incredible memories as you travel with each other too. It’s a very romantic way to spend time together exploring a new country :)
Also, I found that the benefit of incorporating travel into my meetings with Mike were great because travel has the ability to really make or really break a couple. You see them as they truly are, in different environments, and see how they react to challenging situations, behave when they’re hungry etc – travel has a way of stripping a person down to who they really are, so it’s a great way to get to know each other quickly. I found this helped us establish a solid base of friendship, and made our relationship a lot stronger.
Other than that, keep up the communication, talk as often as you can so you both feel included in your every day life despite the distance.
Wishing you both every success!
Dear Megan,
I met a man online in January 2018. The part I liked is he hit me up first. BUT he lives in Brazil and I live in America. Luckily, the time zone thing is easy but we are both weary about the distance. We get along like a house on fire. I think he’s smart, sexy, fun, the whole package. He told me he thinks the same of me. I know this is corny but even our stars line up, both our sun and Chinese signs. He even started talking about our relationship as “us” for a little bit. But something came up for his work and he had to deploy into the remote jungle of the Amazon. He suggested we end “us”, which I was fine with, I thought it was too early to think that way but romantic that he did. I asked him if we could keep in touch and so far, we have been. He said he’s leery of our communication, though he misses me. I’m attracted and a somewhat attached and for the most part I think it’s for the best that we just go on about our daily lives. But I can’t tell you how excited I get when I get an email from him. I want so much to just let him go but I selfishly just can’t let him go. This is all very fresh. We met in January, he left on Feb 28, and we’ve been chatting back and forth for a few weeks now.
We care about each other but we’ve never physically met. He is going to be out in the jungle for about a year, with spotty comms. And yes, I told him to go off and do his thing if he were to meet someone or have an “opportunity”. I, on the other hand have no desire to meet anyone else. Everyone, even my mother, says that if it were meant to be we’d find our way back to each other.
I don’t want to inundate him or make him feel like he can’t go on to date and be free. It’s important to me for him to feel free. But, I also can’t help but want to be the one in the back of his mind. He tells me he misses me and that it’s fun to talk to me when we chat. It’s hard to gauge his feelings. I’m so confused and hurting. Not to mention that I’m not working and unable to work a regular job due to disabilities. It’s harder for me to “move on”. I do have friends and hobbies. And I travel fairly often. But a majority of my time is spent online. He has no social media. Not that he has time for it anyway.
What is your advice for me? Do I hold on and just keep comms as usual? Do I have faith and just let go? I would like to do what is best for both of us. It’s early days yet. So the what happens now will set the tone for the rest of the year.
Hi Sandra, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I think you have the right attitude for your situation – in that you should stay in touch, and if you have the opportunity to meet at some point down the line, you take it. As cliché and corny as it sounds I do agree that if it’s meant to be you’ll find your way back to each other – I genuinely believe that long distance relationships can work for anyone if both people truly want them to, but at the same time, the timing has to be right, and you shouldn’t have to force it.
You’ve mentioned holding on vs letting go – if it’s possible to do a mix of that that’s probably what I would recommend. If you can keep up communication as friends, but not put any pressure on it. He can write to you when we has the time / is thinking about you, and vice versa. As opposed to “We HAVE to talk every day” type of thing. Because I think that would be far too much pressure. Live your everyday lives as you usually do, but knowing that you have a wonderful friendship on the other end of the world who you catch up with now and then. And then when the timing is right, maybe in a year’s time, if you have the opportunity to meet and it turns into something more, that’s brilliant. But I agree that in both your situations you need to feel as though you’re free right now. That doesn’t mean that you have to cut off communication completely, but just be friends until the timing is better and allows you to meet. A solid friendship / emotional connection is the best foundation for a romantic, long lasting relationship anyway :)
Hope that helps!
wow is really romantic, i really want to have such a memorable wedding
Thanks Nam … I’m glad you enjoyed our wedding pictures :)
Hi Megan,
First of all, your story is so so beautiful, I just love it! It’s really amazing to hear that the both of you were in it for the long haul and you were both committed to each other.
I’m in a similar situation, I’m in Australia, he in America. We have not met in person, but skype regularly and have a real connection. (pun unintended). Not sure what will happen in the future, but hey! You guys give me something to aim for! Thank you for sharing your story :) and all the best!
Hi Gemma, thanks for sharing your story, I’m glad that we could give you confidence that it’s something you can achieve!
Wishing you both all the best – I hope you can soon have the chance to meet :)
A very great love story. Congratulations to you both.
You know I have been
for a solemate for a long time going through a lot of dating sites, finally someone did get in touch with me. She is from Ukraine and she seems to be a great friend. At first the time factor was hard to adjust, I am from Fiji and she is in Ukraine – but as we came to know the time both of us can communicate we enjoy chatting. She is my girlfriend and we’re getting to know about each other as much as we could.
I has just been few weeks – and we have come to learn alot about each other.
I hope to visit her country one day.
Thankyou Shelvin, I’m glad that you enjoyed reading about our story :) Congrats on finding someone who you have a great connection with! I hope you do have the opportunity to meet her in Ukraine soon :)
Thanks Megan,
I do want to meet her.
I hope and pray that it all turns out great like it has yours.
Its the first time someone contact me via LDR and accepted my friendship.
Your love story is such an inspiration.
Will keep you both in our prayers that it works out :)
Thank you Megan.
I appreciate that you prayed for both of us.
You’re welcome.
It’s really amazing to hear that the both of you were in it for the long haul and you were both committed to each other. long distance relationships are sometimes worse and sometimes perfect. if you want the long distance relationship switch to the best dating apps
Thanks Nirbhay, I’m so glad you enjoyed reading our story :) Yes, I agree, some relationships will work out, others might not, but the point is that they absolutely can :)
I haven’t been on any dating apps in a while so unfortunately wouldn’t be able to recommend any. Wishing you all the best.
Hi Meg, firstly thanks for sharing your story, it’s an inspiration. Also I can see you have replied to everyone here, which is really wonderful and caring of you.
I met someone last year on a travel related website while asking for advice from locals for travelling in Eastern Russia for hiking/skiing. We have the same interests in the love of travel and the outdoors, and unexpectedly (I was only seeking travel advice) hit it off from the get-go texting and phone and video chatting every day since then. Language has been a barrier but it’s getting better. We’re meeting for the first time in a couple of months when I go there to travel/hike/adventure/visit family together and to decide what to make of the relationship.
I’ve struggled a bit to tell my family about it. On top of the stigmas of meeting people online and maintaining an LDR, there is also the whole “Women from Russia online” “mail order bride” “it’s a scam” thing which appears to be prevalent in our Australian society. There’s definitely some truth to these, but it’s also not applicable to everyone. Some of my closest friends have made jokes which has been hard not to get offended, I know that if she had been there to hear them it would have cut her deeply. Meanwhile her family and friends are excited to meet me when I come, it makes me feel embarrassed about my society and friends.
It’s very encouraging to hear that your family and friends did eventually come around to the idea. Thanks again for sharing.
Hi Luke, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Sorry to hear that your friends and family aren’t taking it seriously. Yes, mine definitely came around after they actually got to meet Mike, and see us together, as I’m sure yours will should it work out after you meet her. And after you do meet her, and you’re able to show people photos of yourself together etc, that should also help.
You’re right that long distance relationships are very misunderstood in Australia, and yes, the stigma around meeting a Russian woman online does add to that. It can be very difficult not to be offended when your friends make jokes at your expense, but I found the best way was to stay strong in my convictions and brush it off, knowing that it’s because they don’t have any understanding of your situation.
If it’s getting too out of hand, tell them straight up that you don’t want to talk about it if they can’t have a conversation which doesn’t make fun at your expense. Tell them that you hope they can be happy for you and supportive and you’re sick of the negativity. If they’re genuinely your friends they should respect that.
Family and friends struggle with it because they don’t understand it, and they want the best for you; I think it’s a very Australian reaction to make fun of something you don’t understand. Doesn’t make it any easier, but at least it’s not malicious.
Have an amazing trip to Russia, and stay strong! LDR’s can definitely work out, and the longer you stick with it the more family and friends will come around :)
Wishing you both all the best X
I’m in Ghana and my boyfriend is leaving for the united states and I’m worried about the distance tho but I hope it will work for me as it worked for you …great piece
Hi Aggrey, thanks for reaching out. I whole heartedly believe that a long distance relationship will work if both people really want it to :) It’s hard, sure, but you can definitely get through it.
Wishing you both all the best XX
Very good tips… I have dreamed a lot about starting to make my first trips around the world and at the same time sharing my experience with people. But I confess, I haven’t been able to do that yet. Your posts are very good and motivational. Thank you for sharing your experience in detail with us. :)
Glad you enjoyed reading about our story Marcio. Happy travels :)
It’s really nice, I also have same sort of relationship. But we don’t talk everyday (mostly once in a week we have casual chat) and he goes silent because of his mum’s sick. I always waiting for his message and calls. Sometimes I have doubt whether he really loves me. I feel weird. But when I say him I don’t feel as normal couples do, he calls me and tells me that he loves me. He says that he’s not much into words but he feels that he loves me. Will it work? I always have doubt. Please advise me.
Hi Emma, nice to hear that you’ve found someone you care for – I’m sorry to hear about his mother. If his mother is sick that will obviously be occupying a lot of his mind and time, so that’s likely why he’s so distracted. Communicate as much as you can, but ultimately the best thing to do is to trust your gut instinct about whether or not it’s going to work / is worth continuing. Long distance relationships can absolutely work, but you’re the only one who knows the strength of your connection. Hope that helps, and I hope his mother makes a full recovery. Will keep you all in our prayers. XX
HiI! I came across this post because Im kind of in your same position. i loved hearing your story. I’m currently studying abroad in Australia (I’m from New York) and have met an amazing guy here. We have been dating for about 2 and a half months now. I have never been in that serious of a relationship (I’m only 21) but I reaaally like this guy. I have met his family already, and he has made me so happy while I’m here. So I guess my question is, how did you propose a long distance relationship to Mike? Or I guess, how do you think I could go about proposing this to this guy? I know he really likes me too, but Im nervous he may not want to do long distance.
Hi Karly, first off, I hope you’re having an amazing time in Australia! And congrats on meeting such a special guy :)
When Mike and I officially started dating long distance, we had been talking on the phone every night for two months (we had only met for 12 hours in person, so our situation is a little different than yours in that sense), so I literally sent a text one night to the effect of “should we make this official?”!
I think something to consider for you would be how long you have left in the country. For instance if you’re here until the end of the year, I would leave discussing long distance (unless it comes up naturally in conversation about the future) until you have a couple of months left; that way you’ve enjoyed your time together without that pressure of figuring it all out.
But if you’ve only got a short time left, bring it up casually when you feel like the mood is right. I would start by putting the idea out there like, what do you think about long distance, you’ll get a pretty good idea straight away if he’s flat against it, totally for it, or unsure and would need to talk through it.
And if it helps, I met Mike when I was 22 :)
Hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best XX
I just came across this as I was searching for stats on the success of LD relationships as we are definitely in the throngs of what is going to be an epic ride. Its true what they say, you feel more much sooner and I am really encouraged to read that its all about the basics. Stick to the fundamentals to be successful. I have my fingers, ears, eyes and toes cross that me and this amazing human I have found can make this work. thank you for your story!
I will cross my fingers, ears, eyes and toes for you both also! So glad that our story and the comments of everyone here could make you feel encouraged Davida – LDR’s can definitely work out :)
Wishing you both all the best XX
Hey Meg!!
I absolutely love your story, I think its so adorable and really rare. I sort of have a similar story, the only thing is I am not sure whether to actually go through with the ldr yet. His name is Aleks and he is probably the best guy I have ever met. He is funny, sweet, super childish like me, and he is quiet the looker xD! The only thing holding me back is well, I don’t know for sure if he feels the same way as I do, and also he lives in australia and I live in spain, so there is an 8 hour difference. We only keep in touch through email and write to each other once everyday. I am not so sure what to do in this situation. I’m sure you might have felt a little hesitation in the beginning. What would you suggest I do?
P.S I am currently in university, so is he, so I am also thinking school will really affect things.
Anyway, thank you in advanced, good luck in your adorable marriage.
Angelica
Hi Angelica, thanks for sharing your story. Aleks sounds like a wonderful guy! When Mike and I decided to make our LDR official, we had been chatting every day quite like you have been. Nightly phone calls and texts for about 2 months, and one day I sent a text which literally said “should we make this official?”. And for sure, it was absolutely nerve wracking waiting for a response!! But I decided to take the risk and go for it because I thought it felt right.
If you’ve been emailing everyday I would say that he’s definitely invested in the friendship / relationship to some degree. Perhaps you could try to set up video chat at some point when you’re both free just to say hi and talk, and see how the conversation flows on the phone. From Australia to Spain that would probably mean your night is his morning.
If phone conversations go well then perhaps you could casually bring up the subject, and ask if he has ever thought about doing a long distance relationship. Or approach it from the angle of what he thinks about trying to meet up again.
Ultimately, the only way you’re going to find out how he feels is by asking him. If you think it’s too full on to ask him straight out if he wants to commit to an LDR, I would bring it up casually :)
Yes, school is going to be an obstacle in the sense that you both have commitments you need to see through in your home countries for the next few years, though I was in university when I met Mike, and if you’re both invested in the relationship you’ll come up with ways to make it work – for instance traveling in university semester breaks, holidays, etc.
Hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best XXX
Very cool your story with Mike. The article was very good:)
Thanks Leonardo :) Glad you enjoyed reading about our story!
i love to hear long distance happy endings. ive seen many and they are inspiring. my finance is Thai and i am mexican-american. we met online on interpals a penpal website and now we are inseparable and so in love. we call all day everyday, even all night so we can listen to each other snore lol , we talk when he isnt working and for a few hours before bed. i am 17 and he is 18 we have been together for 9 months now. we skype every weekend, talk about everything, watch movies together, eat together,cry together and even fight. he is my soulmate and i never doubt we can make it work even on the worst days. his mother and i talk almost every night and she always asks me “when are you coming to thai!” i really love her. we dont really have the negative comments from our families, mine only request to meet him before we marry and his are always supportive. ive never shared about this but i think our daily routines keep our relationship going and i thought it would be nice for someone else to read. we are determined to have a life together, a small house in the middle of no-where a farm and some babies. communication/understanding really is #1. i appreciate the tips, i wish you a long and fulfilled marriage
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
leo tolstoy
Hi Yana, thankyou for sharing your story, I’m so glad to hear that both families are so supportive – it sounds like you have such a beautiful connection, and a great attitude towards making it work. I have no doubt you’ll have your small house in the middle of no-where together soon!
I agree that it’s the daily routines that really help in getting you through – we had specific times we called each night, and even though it was a small thing, having something reliable in a situation which is largely unpredictable is definitely a steadying factor.
Wishing you both all the best :) XXX
Hello Megan. What a beautiful inspiring story you have :) I too am in a long distance relationship with my partner from Finland. (I am from Canada.) We just got married last month to extend my visa in Europe, and I hope we will have a nice wedding someday…
We have been together for 2 years, having spending 6 months in Canada, and 6 months in Finland. My partner Teemu has been traveling in the cold winter months away from Finland to, everywhere else on Earth for the past 9 years. I come from a little island on the west coast of Canada and it is mild and sunny and nice in Winter.
But it doesn’t seem like we are able to find the balance like you have.
I also agree it works if you both want it. But Teemu says that he doesn’t think we should keep trying because what is happening to me when I am away from home, is really hard on him. He doesn’t like to see me homesick. I have ecxema all over my body and a horrible rash on my neck. I can’t even sleep lately. I think it is from the stress of this relationship. Stress from thinking too much about the future…
How could we do this? How will it work?
Teemu doesn’t know if he could stay for the majority of the months on my island, he is used to traveling independantly, to warmer countries.
And I have traveled enough to suit my own needs now. I just want to be in one place for a while…
But we really, really do love each other.
We love each other wildly and so much. We are innocent, young, loving and kind to each other, but why does life have to be so hard for us?
It is too much to ask for him to move permenantly to Canada, and I could never live through the harsh winters here all year round. I can’t even speak fluent lanugage here!
It has been a really hard day for me and I was just wondering how you managed to do it.
In the end, you guys decided to choose one place, right??
Thank you so much
Elin
Hi Elin, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story.
Ultimately it’s about finding what works best for you as a couple. For instance with myself and Mike, it was relatively easy to find the balance; when we met I was still studying in university, so in my final year he came to Australia for 12 months, and then after I graduated, it made sense for me to move to America, because he still owned a house. And as I had traveled a lot previously, I was personally already used to being away from home, so it wasn’t a very big adjustment for me.
For you guys specifically, I would recommend seeing if you can find anything that helps you manage your anxiety and stress. For instance if you could sign up to some local groups in Finland and establish a base of friends, or see if there is a nearby expat community where you could connect with people who are in your same position; I’ve found that when you’re in a foreign country, it’s really helpful in fighting homesickness to have a friendship group, and it really helps you settle in.
If you can get to a stage where you see Finland as your second home, perhaps that might help with the anxiety of worrying about the future. Because if you know you’re happy in Finland, there should be less worry. I don’t know if you get out and see much of Finland when you’re there, but you could really try to discover the country / your hometown, getting out and doing touristy things even though you’re a local. Anything that might help you fall in love with the country.
If you truly can’t move past spending 6 months on 6 months off, or choose one location, the next thing would be saying OK, we want to be together, but I understand that your passion is travel. Perhaps you can agree to some type of arrangement where he bases himself with you in Canada, but you let him do all the travel he wants to, even if that’s for a lot of the year. It’s not ideal, and it means you’ll have to get used to him traveling a lot of the year, but it’s a solution that might work for your situation. Which is ultimately what it’s about – it’s about making it work for you :)
I hope that helps somewhat, and that you find a solution XXX
Hi. I am in big trouble. My ldr bf and me know each other since we were kids. Like 12 years old that is like 13 years ago. He was my first love and I was his first love. We were Kkds and we knew it won’t work. After some years like 2015 we met again and we are together but still in a ldr. We have been through a lot of shitty times but we love each other really hard. We also want to get together in 1-2 years. Now I am in a situation that makes me feel like I lost him. We had a fight cause a said something on the phone he didn’t like so he told me he needs a break and I should not contact him till he says so. 8 days passed and nothing happens. I don’t know what to do or what to do when he will gives a sign. I am afraid thinking all the time about him and cry.
Hi Melanie, thanks for reaching out, I’m sorry to hear that you’re having trouble with your LDR. If he’s not picking up the phone, perhaps you could write him an email or a text apologizing.
Ultimately, it’s not fair for him to put you in a position where you can’t contact him ‘until he says so’ – he can be mad at you, but it’s not fair to keep you in limbo like that when your only method of contact is the phone. If he needs a week or two, fine, but I would maybe write up an email expressing your feelings, apologizing, and letting him know that you’re happy to give him time, but you do want to work through your fight, and you need to know how much time he needs. Because you can’t sit in limbo wondering if he’s ever going to speak to you again. Ultimately, the key to any relationship, but especially an LDR is communication. So you need to figure out a way to communicate with him.
The silent treatment is the worst, and I’m sorry he’s putting you through that.
I hope you both manage to work through it XXX
Such a great story. And i think I can relate to its quite well.
Thankyou Ashi! So glad you enjoyed the post. I wish you success with your relationship as well :)
Hey, so I would need your help on something. This guy who I’ve been basically dating for a while now, has to move by the end of the week, he’s gonna be gone for a rly long time and I don’t want to loose touch with him. His parents hate me too so we can’t rly talk much. What do you suggest?
Hi Vivian, there’s no reason why you can’t stay in tough, or try being in a long distance relationship. It sounds like he might be living at home which is why his parents would affect how frequently you’re able to talk? That’s obviously going to be a big obstacle if they have a huge influence over his life, but if that’s the case, try and figure out a routine of when you can actually talk, times when you can either video chat or call when his parents aren’t around.
Emails and texts might also be a good way to stay in touch if you can’t actually talk to him on the phone. I don’t know how old you guys are, but obviously it’s going to be a lot easier for you once he’s able to move out on his own.
Hope that helps! Wishing you guys the best XX
Hi Meagan!
Link to your immigration blog while dating??
Aussie, in Canada I also just met a yank. Uh ooohhhh! ?
Hi Kay :) I never actually published a post about immigration, but I’m happy to send you the write up I’ve sent others – shoot me an email to megan@mappingmegan.com and I’ll forward it through X
Beautiful story! I’m currently doing long distance as well, so this post gives me hope. It also made me laugh reading what friends have said…imaginations can really run wild!
Thanks Marissa :) I’m glad our story could give you hope for yours, lol yes I’m glad I had a thick skin enough to ignore my friends quipps!!
Wishing you both all the best XX
Beautiful story…I am talking mostly texting on line to a guy in California I’m in Texas he calls me and I don’t understand him very well he’s from turkey he understands me and has told me he loves me and everything seems up and up he has money so that’s not it. But can a relationship work if I don’t understand him? I can understand some and his text are perfect and he’s a sweet man but not sure about the launage problem? Thank you!
Hi Tammy, I would see this as an opportunity to try and learn a little bit of another language. I haven’t personally had experience with the language barrier in a relationship, but people do tackle it, and come out successfully. If you can understand some of what he’s saying when you talk, that’s a really good start, and I would think it would get better the more conversations that you have.
It’ll likely be tough, especially at the start, and I’m sure there will be many phone calls with awkward silences from time to time, but I would be honest with him that you want to tackle the language barrier to improve your communication and that you’re willing to be patient while you both work towards improving in the other persons language.
Definitely something that can improve and be overcome in time :)
Good evening everyone..
I live in Canada, french part…then sorry for my weird english ??
I have 38 years old and in love since one year with my korean lover (south for people who were wondering hahah)…
Oh dear !!! I m so happy to read all your post, it makes me better to know i’m not the only one ?
We can see each oter every 3 months but not without sacrifices because i had to forget having a career and work on not great jobs if i want to have aome vacations every 3 months.
Inside of me i think it s for a great future and sometimes i imagine things are not gonna work and i would have done this for nothing…i have 2 kids and it s like a guess on future…it makes me insecure and in the other side i want to believe it does worth it !! I m grateful to read all of you, your feelings and your experience!! Do you really think than seeing each other every 3 months and more this year is enough ? ? thanks everyone
Hi Elodie, thanks for sharing your story. Mike and I only saw each other every 3 – 4 months, and our relationship ended up with a happy ending :) We met in August 2010, and our meetings after that were in December 2010, then April 2011, then July 2011, then October, then January, and then May etc.
Ultimately, I truly believe that when the relationship matters, the distance doesn’t. If you’re both really committed to each other, it will work even if you only see each other once a year :)
Also, it’s always better trying something and take the risk even if you wonder sometimes if it will work out or not. If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder ‘what if’. Even if it doesn’t work out, the knowledge that you gave it your very best shot I believe makes it worth it.
Wishing you both all the best!
And I thought that I was the only one dating a Canadian girl
Lol she is super nice and friendly and her culture seems rlly interesting
Though we kinda met online
It seems like me and her are gonna make it through and hopefully meet each other in real life
I live in the U.S.A if you guys were wondering how far apart we were living
Congrats on meeting someone so special Ali! You’re definitely not the only one lol we have a bit of a club going on here haha
USA – Canada is totally do-able, your time differences are similar, and the ease of travel between countries shouldn’t pose any major challenges for being able to see each other :)
Wishing you both all the best!
By the way that’s a lovely story right there I can stick at my friends face to show proof that long-distance relationship work XD ?
Go for it … glad we could help :D
Hi Megan, many thanks for sharing your beautiful love story. You both look fantastic together. Long distance relationships can be tough to handle, but I completely agree with you, they can be very good as well, so long as both partners trust each other. Well said and so true “If you truly want something to work, and you put everything you have into it, you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish. I wont lie – long distance for 18 months was incredibly hard, but we made it work”. Once again thank you so much for sharing your wonderful love story. I really hope you both spend some marvelous moments together and have a great life ahead.
Thankyou George! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading about our story. Wishing you all the best too :)
Hi George, I completely agree with you. This is truly an amazing love story.
Thanks Andrew :) Wishing you all the best too!
Your story is beautiful. I am very glad to have read it. I think it is pretty amazing how he could send you flowers and things from America, it’s just amazing.
My story.. it’s not really a story yet. I have meet this guy, he is from America and I am from Portugal. We met in an online game and we have been talking mostly everyday since that day. I don’t know how or why but we both just.. clicked. He say some really sweet things to me, things like he just love to talk to me, that he knows that is mostly impossible to both of us to meet and that he knows he is not going to but that he wish to meet someone like me in America.
I say the same to me but… In reality I have been trying to not think about him or anything, I even tried to not talk with him for a couple of weeks or a month because I don’t want to fall for him.
He is the sweetest boy I have ever meet, he makes me laught and I want to keep talking with him, and he say I am amazing and that he never have feel this way about someone but I know we live very far appart and.. I didn’t event tell the worst part.
He is 19 and I am 26. I am trying so hard to not fall for him, I want him to be happy, I want him to not have to worry about me or about a long relationship with a person 7-8 older than him while he is in college when he could just… I do know, meet someone that is not going better for him.
I am very confuse, and before anything I don’t want to be the cause to create him any suffering
Sorry. My phone changes some of my words.
I meant that I want him to meet someone that is going to be better for him than I am.
So I am very confuse about what to do and how to feel.
Thanks for sharing your story – sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time. Ultimately, if he wants to be with you, that’s his decision. It’s something he should decide, not something you should walk away from because you might think he deserves an easier relationship. If he decides that he doesn’t want to meet anyone else, you should let him make that decision.
Ultimately, there is risk of getting our heart broken in every relationship, and I think you’re unwilling to jump into this relationship for fear of both of you maybe getting hurt. Don’t be fearful. If it happens, it happens, and it might suck if it does happen that you get hurt, but you can’t play it safe in life to avoid suffering. Otherwise have you really lived?
The joy of life is giving experiences (or in this case, love) a chance. If it doesn’t work out, you can then look back with no regrets and say that at least you tried. If it does work out, that’s amazing and your risk paid off.
So if you think you could love him, and he could love you, I would personally say you should go for it. Don’t doubt yourself that he should be with someone easier for him or closer to your age. If he chose you, he chose you because he wants you. 7 years isn’t that big of an age gap in later life – it’s more about the maturity levels and connection of both people. If you’re both on the same page mentally and emotionally, the physical number of age really doesn’t matter.
And if you get hurt, you get hurt. Sadly, that’s part of life. But you can’t say that you didn’t try, and I think regretting things we didn’t try is worse than the hurt from a decision not playing out the way we might have liked.
I hope that helps! Wishing you both all the best XX
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If this advice was helpful, we have written a comprehensive e-book with 128 pages of advice and insight into how your long distance relationship can be a success too. Click to read an overview of the book.
Hi Megan,
I absolutely love your story, it makes me believe that LDR are worthy and there is definitely a happy ending to all of it. My story is a bit unconventional, unexpected and so far the best thing that has ever happened to me! I currently live in Las Vegas, USA and he lives in Ensenada, Mexico. Matt and I met 16 years ago through his nephew and we lived 3 mins away from each other and he would see me pass by his house every time I would go to work and never said a word. Time passed by and we talked and got into a small relationship which did not move further but it was definitely the wrong timing.
A few years later we reconnected through Facebook but it wasn’t until March of this year that he reached out to me and we picked up right where we left off. I remember the first time he called me, we were on the phone for 5 hours non stop and we instantly clicked, a connection different from any that I have not experienced. We have then being in touch everyday through text, calls or video no matter what and when we talk on the phone, the conversation can go for as long as 6+ hours about anything and everything.
I can definitely say our feelings grow more each day, he was and is the light that came out to somehow save me from my darkness, even when I was not searching…
I have already met his parents and some of his siblings, they have all being wonderful to me! We will be meeting in October and I am obviously excited, nervous but ready for the adventure, I do not know yet what the future holds but as long as we have each other, anything is possible. Things happen for a reason and we both believe this time things will be wonderful.
With love, anything is possible! Be the light that shines someone’s life.
XOXO,
Didi
Hi Didi, thanks for sharing your story, it’s such a beautiful story that you have reconnected after all these years! So excited for you that the timing has worked out this time. I agree that things happen for a reason, I really think that life holds a plan for us that is far greater than we ever could have imagined.
From what you’ve written I can tell you have a really positive mindset, and it sounds like a lot of support from family, so I have no doubt that you’ll make it through. Wishing you and Matt all the best … October will be here before you know it!
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If this advice was helpful, we have written a comprehensive e-book with 128 pages of advice and insight into how your long distance relationship can be a success too. Click to read an overview of the book.
Hi megan
like your story a lot..its give me confidence Am from TANZANIA and my bf is from England London..we have been dating for while he wants me to live with him n london but my friends keep telling me bad things abt England’s men..but he always open with me and we love each other always video chat on skype and message..i even told him maybe I go for 3/6 months if its won’t work will come back to TZ but think am unfair since i live with doubt for what I heard
Hi Julie, thanks for reaching out. I think it’s very unfair of your friends to stereotype British men – you can never categorize a whole nation of men into one personality. They’re all different, and if this guy is open and loving with you than that’s likely a good guague of his personality. You should trust your gut and trust your connection with him.
Going for 3/6 months to see if it might work might be a good way to start :)
I hope it works out for you!
i appriciate your work amazingly explain everything keep it up
Thanks Detroit, I’m glad you enjoyed the post :)
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If this advice was helpful, we have written a comprehensive e-book with 128 pages of advice and insight into how your long distance relationship can be a success too. Click to read an overview of the book.
I married my long-distance love.
Everything is possible.
We have now a boy and a girl and we come from the other side of the world. I am Dutch and she is Japanese.
It was difficult, but everything is possible.
Congrats Wesley! So glad to hear yours was a success also!
Totally agree that everything is possible – congratulations on your beautiful boy and girl :)
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If this advice was helpful, we have written a comprehensive e-book with 128 pages of advice and insight into how your long distance relationship can be a success too. Click to read an overview of the book.
in my experience long distance relationships can only work for so long because after a while the distance comes in between the relationship and its simply not sustainable in the long run
Hi Monika :) It can definitely be more difficult the longer the period of time you have to spend apart, but I wholeheartedly believe that you can overcome any obstacle if both people feel strongly about it enough. Patience is the hardest part, but is most worthwhile for those who are committed to the long run :)
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If this advice was helpful, we have written a comprehensive e-book with 128 pages of advice and insight into how your long distance relationship can be a success too. Click to read an overview of the book.
Hi Meg, very cool your story with Mike.
Thanks Zakir!
Hi Meg, Your story is beautiful.
Thanks Ashi!
Hey so my Fiance and I have started the paperwork for me to move to the states so we can start our life together. My family still are not coming around to the idea of me moving to be with him. I had hoped that having them meet him and his children would help show them how much we love one another. Unfortunately they still do not agree that leaving everything I have here is worth it. The one thing that they say is “You have to leave everything you have here just to be with him what does he have to loose? Nothing he doesn’t have to give up anything” am i naive to think that that is my choice to make and that it doesnt have to be even losses to make it even. (if that makes any sense at all) like it doesn’t have to be an eye for an eye to make it work.
Hi Anon – you’re absolutely right – in a relationship it shouldn’t be an eye for an eye, or keeping track on who’s one up on the marital scorecard. You’re moving because you want to be together, and one of you has to make the move, if he has kids, it makes more sense that it’s you.
It shouldn’t be a mindset of “I have to leave everything behind”, it should be a mindset of “I’m so excited to start something new”. Because I would assume if things went south and you decided to move home,you’d still have your friends, you’d still have your family, you’d be able to find a new job. There’s really not a lot to loose by moving. And your family saying that there is isn’t fair to you. They probably don’t want to lose you, but it’s still not fair to be so negative.
Stay strong in what YOU want, because it’s your life, and your decision, and hopefully they’ll come to accept that after they realize they have no choice but to.
Wishing you both all the best! XXX
(LDR) requires a lot of dedication, a spurt of imagination, creativity, and more importantly, a dedicated me-time allocated for both the partners.
The lack of a physical connection in long distance relationships is often the breeding ground for cheating, and slow brewing breakups, if you aren’t completely content in other departments.
You might not be doing anything that counts as infidelity, but the fact that you hide details can cause some major trust issues, especially when you are in a long distance relationship. No relation, romantic or not, survive without trust.
Hi Amol, absolutely, trust and communication are the two biggest factors in succeeding in an LDR. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Hi Meg, I appreciate your work amazingly explain everything. Keep it up.
Thanks Arisha, I’m glad you enjoyed the post :)
Hi Meg, I am not in a LDR but my 21 yr old daughter is. We live in Costa Rica and she met a 20 yr old from Scotland while he was here on Gap Year. They hit if off immediately and although she was set on letting him go the moment he got on the plane back to the UK, he fell head over heels for her and didn’t want to end the relationship and actually convinced her throughout the 5 months together in Costa Rica to pursue a LDR. He invited her to visit the UK a month after he went back home and she went for two weeks and stayed at his home and met his family and returned even more in love with him and told me she was returning in December to be with him for Christmas.
Turns out when he told his Dad about their December plans his father told him that LDR’s don’t work and it was just a first love and that he would have many more loves in his life and to just forget my daughter and start Uni as a single man to experience college life in all its glory (mainly partying and one night stands like he used to before meeting my daughter). He stood up to his father and told him that then he was going to come to Costa Rica for couple of weeks since he had enough saved up to do so and his dad threatened to cut him off financially if he did and that my daughter was no longer welcome in their home. His mother was present but remained silent. She later told him that my daughter was lovely and was welcome at their home anytime.
He told my daughter immediately what had happened between him and his father and that later on his father came to him to appologize and make a deal with him to at least go to uni as a single guy for this semester and see what was out there and that if he still had feelings for my daughter then he would try to support his son on his decision. The deal also included zero communication with each other during these 3 months, however they both know that communication is essential to nurture an LDR otherwise the love goes into a coma so to speak. They have been texting and skyping daily since she returned.
He swears he is coming in December although they agreed that for this semester he must obey his father at least halfway by saying he is single although his heart is taken. My daughter says that he has a “hall pass” imposed by his father although he says he has no plans on using it. She told him that if he were to use it, it wouldn’t be considered cheating. Meanwhile, they consider themselves in a relationship with the I love you’s and I miss you’s daily. Poor kids are so confused with their status and the rules imposed on them.
Here at home we accept the relationship. He is a nice fellow and one can tell how in love he is with out daughter. If he comes as he has vowed to do he can stay here at our home so he won’t have to spend extra on nearby hostels. If only his parents would just let them handle the LDR without causing the added stress. If it doesn’t work out, no harm done and if it does, all the power to them. That is how I see it. My daughter says that if all is well and he comes in December and they still want to pursue the LDR, then the “hall pass” is called off and she would go see him in April when she has a break from Uni.
Any words of wisdom?
Hi Gisselle
Thanks for reaching out. Sorry to hear that his family is not as supportive. I ultimately believe that two people truly committed to making something work will stop at nothing to do so, whether that’s waiting for each other, or making long distance flights etc. And it sounds like they’re pretty committed to each other, but also very practical and realistic about really making it work long term. It’s sad that his father is so negative about the whole situation, but it sounds like that’s just making him determined to make it work even more.
It’s a really good sign I think for their relationship making it through that he’s being really honest about his father’s feelings with your daughter, and that she knows what’s going on, because that to me says that he does want to share his life with her, that she’s the one he wants to talk to when he faces challenges, etc.
The 3 month ban on communication seems ridiculous for his father to impose, that’s being far too controlling in my opinion, but ultimately I guess he knows how to deal with his father, and if they can make it through the three months and get to him visiting in December, it sounds like that’s the way to go.
It sounds like your daughter is really well grounded, and very level headed about the whole situation. Which is going to be a huge thing for he keeping her sanity. Ultimately, you have to have a really strong trust in the other person, and in your connection, and not let the doubts kick in otherwise you’ll go mad with paranoia. I think the best thing to do over the next 3 months when they’re ‘not’ communicating would be for each of them to keep themselves busy. Whether that’s throwing themselves into school work, or extra curricular like sport, when you’re busy you have less time to miss the other person. Keep a photo of each other in their room or diary or wallet, something to remind them every day of what’s waiting for them in 3 months time. And maybe they could keep their connection alive by writing old fashioned letters throughout the next couple of months, and then swapping them in December once he arrives. Or something like that.
I wish them all the best, from what you’ve described though it sounds like they’re pretty committed to each other, and while it’ll be a long road with probably a lot of confusion navigating family and location based issues, hopefully they’ll look back in 5- 10 years time and talk about the incredible obstacles they overcame :)
… and kudos to you for being a wonderful supportive parent … when they’re dealing with negativity from one side, it’s always really good to know that you do have family who accepts your relationship and you can rely on for emotional support.
wow!!! such a lovely story! congratulations for you both and blessings, I wish i could find someone like you did, Here in Mexico are a lot of single persons wishing to meet people from other countries. I had a relationship with a wonderful american guy, he came to visit twice a year and finally he propposed, but i was a Little scared to move to the states and finally he gave up trying… i think he did enough but my fear didnt let me take the change… now i miss him a lot but there´s nothing i can do to fix it up… so, if anyone has that chance, dont let your fears to spoil your story, it could be a very good life story… Greetings from Mexico!
Hi Magi, thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out for you, though maybe you’ll meet someone again soon, and can learn from your past relationship to make the next one work :)
International moves can be such a scary thing, but it’s really great advice you’ve given to not let your fear stop you.
I hope you meet your life partner soon! :)
I am not quite one week in since my new found love has returned to Belgium. We met at a wedding a month ago, felt that surge of attraction and just knew we wanted to know each other better at the end of the evening. He is my best friend’s cousin and we are from the same culture. I live in California and he is in Belgium. All I know is that we love each other and somehow, this is going to work. He is the one I have been waiting for and I am in my 50’s, as is my darling Michael. We have raised our children and the timing could not be more perfect. I pray that within two years, we are married and living in the same country, whether that is California or Belgium. Belgium would be temporary and California is the long term place to settle for the rest of our lives. So, I too believe that long distance relationships can work Meg. When the stars align and God puts that special person in your path – don’t let love slip away.
Thanks for sharing your story Maggie, it sounds like everything has lined up for the two of your perfectly – congratulations on having found each other! Your positive attitude shines through in your words, so I have no doubt that the two of you will close the distance gap and be together full time very soon :)
Wishing you all the best!
Hello Megan. I am Yasmin. I am really like your story and i wish i would find someone who will love me the same as i love him but after my several broke up relationship , it became so hard for me to love from all of my heart and i have always tired long distance relationship but it didn’t go well. My last relationship was long distance relationship but the problem is my mum said about him and he loves me so much but i can’t love again after being broken for several times and he said i can’t forget everything and move on.Maybe he is right in this thing but sometimes i say i just speak a lot about it cuz i feel so bad and cuz i don’t keep anything from him and now i ended this cuz i felt he is like all guys who want just to hear the world i love u and he is just thinking of himself. I know i wrote a lot about it but i really need your help and advice.
Hi Yasmin, thanks for sharing your story. If you’re not ready to go into another relationship because you’ve been hurt in the past, you should take time out and work on yourself. When you’re confident again in yourself you’ll be able to open up more in a relationship and will be able to love again. But it sounds like you need to move on from your last relationships first. If you can’t love someone who loves you it’s best that you let them go. Maybe you’ll be able to love him after you’ve moved past your last relationships, so maybe you just stay friends until then, but it sounds like you need to take time for yourself, and be single for a while until you decide you’re ready for another relationship. Anyone who is pushing you for a relationship when you’re not ready will have to live with that, and should understand.
I hope that answered your question :)
Thanks so much for your advice ??? and i really appreciate it.
You’re welcome :) Wishing you the best X
Hey Meg,
I have had a long distance relationship since 2010 as well.
I am from Brasil and he is from India. And our problem right now, more than ever, is the distance. My lack of ability to comfort him on one of his hardest times. I am just a doctoral student in US and I am trying to find ways to be able to visit him more often in India. He wasnt allowed back in the country two years ago and, as a consequence of that, lost his job and all his belongings where he was at. I have actually started a small fundraiser event to be able to help him out but I am just afraid to ask people around me, as it is something so personal but overwhelmingly painful.
Here is the link, if you allow me to share.
Hi Natalia, thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear that you’re having trouble finding ways to visit each other. It looks like your link redirects to the actual Gofundme homepage, but I wish you the best with your fundraiser. Hopefully it will all work out for you both :)
Hi Meg,
I also have a long distance relationship since 2013 as well.
I miss him a lot. I know that how I feel. I always thought that something is missing in my life. and I like your story too. keep going go ahead love you…….
Hi Bhagyashree thanks for reaching out. I wish both you and your partner all the best for closing the gap on your distance soon :)
Hi Meg,
Your story is amazing! Sooo romantic! I also had a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I moved from Ecuador to Beijing in 2014 to pursue my master’s degree, and my now boyfriend returned to Beijing from Japan, where he had been working for 3 years; he is Chinese and I’m a Latina, we are quite a pair haha! We met and fell in love, quickly. After being together for over a year, his company transferred him to Shanghai. It was a great career move for him, and I was nothing but supportive, despite the pain it caused me. We continue a long-distance relationship for over 9 months. It was hard, he had a new super-busy schedule and I was finishing my thesis. After my graduation I decided to stay in China and moved to Shanghai to be with him. I’m now working in Shanghai but I miss Beijing deeply, at least we are together now, and we are very happy. We even adopted a dog!… I was offered a position in Mexico, which I declined in the beginning because I wanted to give Shanghai a try. I’m now wondering if I will ever be able to settle in China permanently. The panorama for expats is not as good as in previous years, many expats with remarkable CV’s and great work experience are being denied Working Visas only due to their age. China doesn’t seem to want ‘old’ people, by old meaning anyone in their late 30s and/or 40s. It’s crazy! He wants to marry me, but the migration policies in this country are absurd. Even if you are married to a Chinese, you do not have the right to work in China while holding a Spouse Visa, you need a Working Visa and you cannot hold 2 Visas at the same time. But after a certain age you can no longer obtain a working Visa. Many expats relocated with their families to other countries due to this problem. I mean, what can you do when the government is preventing you from working, and consequently from providing for your family? He needs to stay in his current position for at least 2 years. Do you believe that a 2nd long distance relationship from opposed poles of the globe, for 2 or 3 years could work out? I would like to move to another country with better migration policies so that I could finally stay in one place for more than 3 years. My whole life I’ve been moving every 1 or 2 years and I think I’m ready to have a more stable life. I’m afraid that if we separate again, this time we won’t make it. Please, I need your advice! Thx (:
Hi Mel, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Sorry to hear about the migration policies in China – that’s really tough :( Ultimately I think you have to have faith in the strength of your relationship to know whether or not you would make it through a second separation. I genuinely believe that anything is possible if you’re both fully committed to making it work, and while I haven’t been in the position where we’ve had to separate again after having closed the gap, my mindset is that if you’ve done it once, there’s no reason why you couldn’t do it again. I think you should have a conversation with him about it and see what he thinks re making it through a second separation; if he’s supportive and really positive about making it work, I don’t think you would have anything to worry about.
Sorry to hear that you’re in such a tricky situation. I hope it all works out for you both, and you find the stability you’re looking for. XXX
Hi Meg, your story is really inspiring and I appreciate you for sharing it with us who are in a same road. It’s been a year now I’m experiencing long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I met online, he’s form America and I’m Persian! I never ever dreamed to find my love through online sites, I was a social girl interested in knowing different cultures, but after less than 2 months I found it out I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s so kind, has a big heart for humans and animals, he has knowledge about almost everything, he’s a strong man in life, he pays me attention, helps me with my studying, he listens to me, and whenever I feel I’m giving up he shows me the positive sides of things… he’s also so handsome and I never get tired of watching my sexy bearded man ?
Unfortunately we haven’t had the chance to meet in person yet… bc of difficulties of traveling and political problems between United States and Iran, but through all these, we’re still hopeful.
We decided to be faithful and committed and find a way to be finally together. I have a huge hope to meet him on spring and go through more journeys of life together with my Jeremy❤
I hope all lovers who are apart for any reason will be together in 2019?
Hi Maryam, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story, it sounds like Jeremy is a wonderful man, congratulations on meeting someone so special. I hope that everything falls into place for you and you’re able to have a wonderful meeting at some point very soon :) ❤
Am happy reading your story. Am also in a long distance relationship but the problem is, he is giving me attitude which I don’t know what to do.. should I forget him and move on or wait for him?
Hi Becky sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time. Unfortunately just giving you attitude is a little too vague to be able to offer an opinion on. If it’s something that’s been going on for a while and you’re getting continued attitude, you should maybe assess whether the long distance is right for you. Always communicate, but if communication fails and you can’t talk through it, it may be a sign that it’s time to move on. But if you’ve just had a one off fight, it’s always worthwhile to stick it out and talk through it.
Hope that helps :)
What about sex? I think that is the main issue which is not covered?
Hi Amara, we cover sex in its own chapter of our e-book. If you’re interested in the book you can read an overview here :)
I met my fiance online in March of 2018 and we chatted for a couple of weeks and then he asked if he could call me. He called me and I laughed the entire time because it was so hard to understand him because his English is not that good. A couple of days later, we video chatted for the first time and he and I both knew instantly that we had been waiting for the other. So we continued to chat online and via video chat and both researched how we could meet in person. He lives in Russia and I in the US and talk about red tape! It has been very challenging indeed. I finally flew to Russia to meet him in September and while I was there, he proposed. I wanted to go back and spend Christmas with him and New Years but due to a financial set back was unable to go. I know what you mean, it is so hard to be in a long distance relationship. Every day I am challenged. Now we are looking into options of how we are going to get married. I thought about us getting married this month when I was going to fly back but since I couldn’t afford to go, now we are looking into other options. The new plan is to get married this fall. I think visiting every 3 months is crucial. I so wish we both could afford another trip right now. I hope one of us can visit before this spring or summer. Fall is a long time away! Congratulations by the way!!
Hi Teri, thanks for reading, and for sharing your story :) Congrats on meeting your soul mate! Yes I can only imagine the red tape that would be involved with the political situation between the US and Russia right now. But it sounds like you’re both incredibly committed to each other, so I have no doubt that you’ll make it through the minefield of paperwork, just always remember to support each other when you might be feeling overwhelmed :) Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, so excited for you!! I wish you both all the very best! XX
how to make my ex husband miss me during separation post comments
Unfortunately that’s not our area of expertise, but we wish you both all the best, and hope it’s an easy path to either moving on or reconnecting :)
I agree with everything you’ve said. I was in a long distance relationship before. We met each other four times and in the fourth meeting we finally closed the distance.Being in a long distance relationship is never easy but it is possible. as long as you love each other and you trust each other, it will work. Open communication and loyalty is the most important thing if you are in a long distance relationship. And always remember to keep the love burning even if you are far away from each other. I enjoyed reading your blog. Godbless you. :)
Congratulations on closing the distance Sofia :) Totally agree that open communication and loyalty are the two biggest keys to success with this type of relationship. So happy to hear that it was a happy ending for you :)
Hey! Loved reading your post, such a nice story. I am from Scotland and currently in a LD relationship with a fab guy who lives in America.
We are currently at the ‘who moves where’ phase as it’s getting harder to say goodbye every time we visit eachother and it seems like it makes more sense for him to come to Scotland at this point in our lives, however the visa process for work is quite tricky so I am not out-ruling the possibility of moving there.
I was wondering with your experience of moving to the US, were you granted a visa that has allowed you to work? Any advice on your experience moving there would be great.
Thanks for your help! :) XX
Hi Alex, thanks for reaching out … totally feel you on the every new catch up becomes harder to say goodbye!!
I have a write up of the process I went through for the K1 fiance visa moving to America that I’ve sent to a couple of other people, happy to shoot it through for you as well if you want to send me an email — megan@mappingmegan.com
I moved to the States on a fiance visa, and then had to apply for a work visa separately. But shoot me an email and I’ll forward you a step by step detailed response for that process :)
Thanks!
wow, I might have shed a little tear.
I love how you said, “I firmly believe that you can make anything work if you want to. It’s that simple.”
and it is so true. I started talking to a guy in a different country who I fell deeply in love with simply because he made me feel differently than anyone else. It was such a different feeling and we had plans of getting engaged if our first year of being apart went good. He had talked to my parents and they really liked him.I find myself being a coward because I let him go. I hurt him and all because I had fear and I was not patient enough to wait a couple of more months to see him again. It has been almost three years and I now have a bf and sometimes when things go wrong and when he treats me differently I just want to leave him and wish I could take back time and be with my ex again.I see him each year because its my parents hometown and he lives there and I know and I feel like he still loves me, I can see it in his eyes. It is very painful for me and sometimes I hate myself so much for giving up so fast.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi Sarah thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear that yours didn’t have the happy ending you wanted it to. If you truly feel in your bones though that he’s the right one for you, maybe it’s worth giving it a second chance. Especially if you know he feels the same. There’s no shame in saying ‘look not giving us a chance is something I truly regret and I would really love to go all in and fully commit to making it work’.
Ultimately, if you’re with someone but you’re wishing you were with someone else, you’re really hurting yourself, and potentially the other person too. It’s one of those situations I think where you need to weigh up which is the more bearable situation – risking everything and letting go of the fear to be with him, or living without him in your life.
I think your instincts are telling you it’s him, and while I don’t know the specifics of your situation, it doesn’t sound like it’s too late to save the relationship. Your current BF would get hurt, but it’s something to weigh up whether you’re hurting yourself more in the long run by not going after the guy you want.
Either way, I really hope that you find your happiness XXXX
Hi, Mrs Meg
I am confused about what to do. It happens that I just met someone who I am falling in love with.
She drives me crazy because I can not hold my extended feeling and love her with such a tender love. Please,What can I do to get successful through this long distance relationship?
Hi Pierre, thanks for reaching out. Everything we mentioned above in the post is our best advice for keeping the relationship going. Communication is the biggest one, and things like video chat can feel a lot more intimate than just talking over the phone, in terms of keeping your connection alive and your love for each other growing. Even though you still can’t physically touch, you can at least see each other and having that visual can be a big help.
Getting creative with romantic gestures like I mentioned too, this is a good way to keep the relationship alive. And I highly recommend joining our Facebook group (link is in the post above) because it does help having the support of other people in your same situation, and being able to listen to their stories and share your experiences too.
I hope that helps! Wishing you all the best in your LDR :)
Hey, dear Meg Jerrard, I want a get few bits of advice from you please dear can I contact you? please don’t ignore me my email is- vidushankithmina4@gmail.com please dear sent an email I will reply then please please this a burning problem please message me..
Hi Vidushan, feel free to contact us at megan@mappingmegan.com if you have questions about a long distance relationship – you can also join our Facebook group at the link above which has 3,000 members who can help in answering ongoing questions too :)
I’ve been in my long-distance relationship for two years now. We are on the phone daily sometimes for 3 hours at a time! He’s planning on coming to California to live for good with me and eventually marry me…he’s from Ireland originally but lives in Australia. We met on a spirituality page on FB and after a few posts back and forth we realized we had a lot in common…the conversation has never ended-after our initial chat on FB messenger live we have had face time, and now for the time being it’s phone only, which has not slowed us down in the least.
Thanks for sharing your story Jessica -it sounds like you guys are perfect for each other! So excited for you both that you’ll be soon living together in California – a beautiful place to be too, we did a road trip from the bottom to the stop of the State for our honeymoon, and loved it!
Wishing you both all the best :) XX
Hi megan im in a same relationship with my girlfriend and now she’s in Uk and im in Ghana right now we are 18 years of age and I usually talk wit her everyday and night and i want to marry her buh i dont know if it will be done.I want more experience from you and that will help me to get her oneday
Hi Elvis, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. It’s one of the toughest parts of a LDR, being in the limbo stages not knowing what will come, but if you stay communicative and keep building your relationship you’ll develop a strong connection, and when the time is right you can talk about how you make it work of being together in person.
The biggest thing I found helped me in getting through the stages where we didn’t have a plan in place for the long run, was having faith in the connection that it was strong enough to withstand the test of time. If you’re both fully committed, you’ll be able to find a way to make it work, even if that’s in two or three years time. You have to have faith that your connection is strong enough to make it in the long run.
Follow all of our advice for the above, re keeping lines of communication open, doing nice and romantic things for each other from afar, and trying to meet in person if it’s a possibility. And then from there you can have discussions about what the best way forward might be for marriage :)
Wishing you both all the best!
Hi Meghan, I support your site and it helped me a lot when I was starting my long distance relationship, he is American and I am from the Caribbean, we have been together for 1 year and 3 months now, for people that’s speak Spanish here I have a site where I talk about my experience and some tips but in Spanish the site is ladamaaconseja.blogspot.com
Hi La Dama, thanks for sharing your story, I’m so glad to hear that our blog was helpful for you at the beginning of your relationship.
Congrats too – a year is an incredible milestone!
Thanks for sharing your site – I don’t speak Spanish but Mike does (he learned in school in the USA) – I’ll forward it onto him to check out :)
Wishing you all the best :)
Amazing piece of article. Long-distance relationships are harder than it seems and we understand what it feels like to be in one. With the right commitment and communication, long-distance relationships can actually be more stable than geographically close relationships. Here is my blog on 10 tips to make your long-distance relationship work.
Absolutely, and thanks for sharing your blog, will check out your tips :)
Hi Meg, my name is Oma. Your story really inspired me and I’d like to share mine too. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for few months now (we were friends before we decided to go into a relationship),I’m a student & blogger and he’s a software developer, we have so much in common, we share the same idea in almost everything, he’s traveling out for his masters soon, we are both age mates (24) he plans on staying out for more than 5 years, and I’m scared about waiting. We love each other so much and are willing to make it work, but we are afraid because we do not know what life would throw at us. I planned to send him surprise packages through gift shops and eateries, and also do online shopping with him and more, when he travels. I plan on visiting him too, when I have enough funds to. I’m scared, because I don’t know when I’ll see him again because I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t know whether I’d be able to afford to visit him during every school holiday because I don’t know whether I’d have the funds by then. Can you advise me, please?
Hi Oma, thanks for reading and sharing your story. Congrats on meeting someone so special – long distance is definitely tough, and one of the most challenging aspects is that you do spend a lot of time at the beginning just not knowing what the future might bring. But I would recommend at least giving it a go – being scared just means you have really strong, true feelings, and it’s very normal to be even more scared by this type of non traditional set up, because it’s very different and unknown to anything we’re used to experiencing. But if you both love each other, and you’re both willing to make it work, I would say give it a go. Even though you don’t know what life will throw at you, or what the future holds, you can agree that you’ll take on whatever comes together, and as the future becomes more apparent, you can have discussions about moving forward and closing the distance as the opportunities become more clear cut for what the best options and choice will be.
Even if you spend two years together and you decide down the line that it would be better to separate after the future has become more apparent, you can at least say that you gave it a go and you tried, and you shared a wonderful connection during the time that you were in each other’s lives. But if you decide not to keep going now because you don’t know what the future will hold, you may always wonder ‘what if’ you’d given it a go. Better to never wonder what if, and tackle the future together whatever that might be.
I hope that helps :)
Wishing you both all the best XXX
Thank you for the great story Megan! It’s so great to see such positive stories, and see it’s really how much you want to put the effort in!
My story is a little unique, but am currently researching all I can on LDR. I’ve been with my BF for 5 years and we have been living together in America almost the whole time. But he has been missing home and said he needs to spend sometime at home in Turkey and has an opportunity with a great job for our future. I just don’t feel ready or wanting to move to Turkey permanently at the moment, so we are going to be doing long distance but are planning on traveling often as much as possible, we both have enough saved to make this happen too.
It will just be a great shift as we are used to being together everyday, but I feel it’s made us strong enough to spend this time apart. We are and have always been 100 % committed to each other but I do think he needs to spend some time in his homeland for a longer amount of time then just a week long visit.
Thank you again for all your advice and story!
You’re welcome Jess, so glad we could provide you with some positive reinforcement in the lead up to your boyfriend’s move. It sounds like you guys are really solid – it’ll be difficult being apart for sure, but being that you’re both 100% committed to each other, and willing to travel back and forth, there’s no reason it shouldn’t work for you. It’s great that you can be so supportive of his needs to spend time discovering his homeland, and that he can be so supportive of your wishes to keep a permanent base in the States – ultimately respect for each other is one of the biggest keys to a relationship, so I have no doubt you’ll make it through :)
Thanks for sharing your story – Turkey is a beautiful country, so you’ll have a fabulous time when you do visit him :) Wishing you both all the best XX
Hi, this article really gives me hope and I know I should stop worrying and stop the negativity myself. Been long distance with a french guy (him in france and me in the philippines). We met online and been talking for almost a year and there was no pressure since we just started out as really good friends talking about our days. I finally meet him in Paris earlier this year and we truly hit it off seeing each other face to face rather than just online. So I came to see him again about 3 mos later, which was equally great as well. We often tell each other that we don’t know what will happen in the future and to be honest, there wasn’t any exact commitment on both sides. Which I always say is good, because we were just being realistic (because of the distance) and for sure it will hurtless in the end–I’ve always thought about this, but never thought about the positive that can happen, about the possibility that it CAN work. I really am hoping for the best because he is such a great guy and there may be sooo many cultural differences, but I am slowly uderstanding that about him, when we spent tine together.
Thanks for this and I hope it’ll be the same for me.
Hi Mae, thanks for sharing your story, and I’m so glad that our own could give you hope. It sounds like you’ve just very naturally found each other, and that’s exactly what it felt like for myself and Mike – we just automatically clicked and it felt so natural, and everything fell into place slowly over time.
Definitely this type of relationship can work, especially if you’re both committed to making it work. Yes, you always have to remain realistic, in terms of knowing that it’s going to be a long road, and you’ll have many obstacles to deal with like communication, decisions on moving, immigration paperwork (eventually) etc to make it happen, but at the same time, it is absolutely realistic to believe it can happen.
If you’ve both decided that it’s easier to remain friends without an outright commitment, it’s different for every person and that might be what’s right for you. But if you do feel as though you want to make a commitment, talk to him about it :)
If you both truly believe it can work, and you’re both truly committed to making it happen, 9 times out of 10, it will eventually happen. And your strength in conviction might just prompt him to take the leap and believe it’s possible as well.
I wish you both all the best! Thanks for sharing your story :)
Hi,
I’m 19 and this July just gone I met the love of my life in Budapest. After physically spending 5 hours in total together we continued talking over social media and our love blossomed. Unfortunately he’s from Canada and I’m from England. It’s been 5 months now and we’ve been really fortunate for him to have visited me for a month (the first time we were together as a couple!) and then I’ve just finished a 3 week visit over Christmas during my school break. When we first started discussing the future arrangements (we felt it was important if we were going to make it work) I jumped and said I’d be happy to move to Canada, having always wanted to live there and knowing how much his family needs him/how little he likes cities. However after visiting him this Christmas the distance became glaringly obvious to me (I think before it was like an out of sight out of mind thing) so I’ve come home absolutely heartbroken, worse than when he left me on his last visit. I feel out of place and disconnected from my home and family who usually bring me immediate comfort, the only thing I want is him. Honestly I’m really struggling with a couple of things and wondered if anyone in the comments could offer advice. The big problem that’s causing me major anxiety now, feeling like I have limited time to make a decision, is that from next September I’m in my final year of University so I could get a job over there and move straight away to be with him (I’d be 20) meaning we only have to spend another year and a half apart. He really is my soul mate and as we’ve lived together for two months already and at the start of the relationship I’m certain this would work out. The problem I’m having is that, although I didn’t miss home during my visit making me believe I could easily move to be with him, I desperately missed my mum who’s my best friend and realised even though I wouldn’t need her as I’m quite independent, I want her to experience every step of my life with me and the idea of going through adulthood without her by my side breaks my heart. I couldn’t solve this by asking him to move here instead because he’ll have two years of school left after me, he lives with his grandparents who need his help and I just know he wouldn’t be happy in England so that wouldn’t make me content. I just can’t find a train of thought to make me optimistic for the future right now but I love him so so much that I need to, the only thing that would comfort me is seeing him and I won’t be able to for another 6 months. Any encouraging words would be greatly appreciated right now :)
Thanks x
Hi Lucy thanks for sharing your story, sorry to hear that you’re dealing with anxiety at the moment. It’s great to know that you’re both so certain about each other – ultimately, that certainty and unwavering belief in your connection and that you’re meant to be together is what will get you through the journey. Yes, it’s a very difficult experience going through a long distance relationship, but when you’re both fully committed you at least have each other for strength to rely on.
From my experience, looking forward to the future and seeing our life together as a realistic picture was what kept both of us optimistic. Obviously in your case the thing that is hurting this optimism is the prospect of being without your mother. I would talk to her about it. Talk to your mum and see what she has to say, maybe she’ll put your mind at ease over the situation. The great thing nowadays is that we have such amazing technology that even though you’ll be physically apart from your mother by moving to Canada, you can still call, video chat, Facetime, all of the above to stay in contact and share your life. She can come and visit, you can go back to visit etc, so you’re not cutting yourself off from her. She can still be by your side, even if it’s not in a physical sense. It just means that the nature of how you spend time together will change.
The other thing to remember is that being 20, you’re still very young, and you both have a LOT of your lives ahead of you. If it make sense right now for you to move to Canada because he’s helping his grandparents, who knows, that might only be for a couple of years, and at some stage in the future you might decide to try it back in England. I moved to Florida at the start of my marriage, and now we both live in Australia. Circumstances change, especially as you grow older (together), and priorities change, you both get new jobs, and your family either grows or passes away. Depending on how old his grandparents are, they may not have much time left, so that’s something to consider, and you may be able to spend quality time with them, and you may really enjoy developing close bonds and relationships with new family members. It doesn’t mean that you’ll lose or sacrifice your connection with your mum, you can still talk to her all the time.
Depending on where in Canada he’s from, the time difference could be quite close together, like 5 hours difference maybe, so you’ll be awake when your mom’s awake type thing, meaning you’ll both always be there when something comes up and you want to call.
I hope that helps, I think it could be an amazing adventure waiting for you in Canada, both in love and in the next stage of your life. Your mom will always love you and be there for you no matter what, and I’m sure she’ll always be ready to answer the phone to hear about your news from Canada, and laugh about the funny things that happen to you there, and offer you advice on setting up a new home etc. You can still make her part of your life :)
Wishing you both all the best!
actually now me and girlfriend has to long distance relationship for 2 years, but now she still wait me cause i got a work for married.. after i reading this post, its really make me work hard to marry my girlfriend..
so, wish me luck.. thank yoou
So glad to hear that our story could inspire you Zeevorte :) Wishing you and your girlfriend all the best! And congratulations on working towards your marriage :)
Hi Megan my girlfriend is from Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic and I am from Seattle Washington she and I have been together for a year now and she is planning on visiting me in Seattle hopefully this year or next year so my question is should we relocate to another city after visiting even though we have a job and looking for an apartment in another state thanks
Hi Anthony, thanks for sharing your story – congrats on meeting such a special girl! I think relocation is a topic you both need to decide on – it’s going to depend on both of your individual circumstances, ultimately if you want to be together one of you will have to relocate, and it does makes it easy if one of you has a good job and housing etc for either her to move to Seattle, or you to move to DR, as opposed to both starting over from scratch together in a new city.
But at the same time, relocating to a completely new city where neither of you have any ties can be an exciting fresh start where you can build a life together in a place where you only have shared memories and can make your own, as opposed to her feeling like she’s fitting into your life in Seattle, or you to hers in DR.
I hope that helps / makes sense. Basically, there are no right or wrong ways to approach an LDR – every single relationship and decision will be totally different for every couple, and what’s good for you might be different to what’s good for another couple :)
Hope that helps! All the best to both of you Xx
hi meg,
Thanks for sharing your story. Very inspiring. Do you mind a private contact about my situation? i wouldnt wish to post it here. if thats fine with you, you may share with me your email. thanks
Hi HB, you are welcome to email me at megan@mappingmegan.com :)
Your blog helped me out a lot. Unfortunately not all of us are as lucky as you to be able to find love and marry the one you love. I’m gay and my partner and I are in a long distance relationship in Pakistan. No matter what we do we can’t make our relationship official or marry each other. So much negativity, so much criticism from everyone around us. So little acceptance. Everyday seems like a struggle and I always end up wondering is it even worth it in the future. Gay relationships are hard enough but long distance gay relationship that even in a religiously conservative country. It’s just so demoralizing.
Hi Shehryar, thansk for sharing your story, I’m so glad that our blog could help you and provide some positivisty, and I’m so sorry to hear that there’s so little acceptance around you.
Would love for you to join our Facebook Group, it’s full of 8,900 other people who are in long distance relationships, and I’ve found that just being around other people who understand what you’re going through can be a really big moral support / boost. This is the link:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/198556510962482/
Wishing you all the best, and sending love from Australia :)
Xxx
Thanks alot meg I know she hasn’t interested everything is over I know don’t worry one day my mrss perfect came in my life ? you are really doing God job again tankwww… So much for compliments and blessings god bless you always stay happy stay blessed ??
You’re welcome Sunny, wishing you the best :)
Hi Megan,
It is so nice to hear your story, it is encouraging, and I also read so many LDR stories here, which give me strength.
I am in LDR for 2 months, we knew each other from a christian dating site. He is not yet a christian, but he wants to know God, it takes time.
At the beginning, we communicated through text, which caused several arguments. But we made it through, we are better after every argument.
We have so many things in common, similar charators, similar plans for future life. We text anytime we want, and video about once in a week, we are also good friends.
I am in China, he is in US. We are expecting a one week year vocation together. But due to the COVID19, he might not be able to come to China. We have plan B and C, choose another 2 countries to meet, but things are not certain yet, maybe need quarantine by then.
I have a cyst near my uterus， doc suggested better have baby in 3-6 months, orelse, I need surgery to take the cyst out. And have much difficulty getting pregnant. But obviously, he is not ready fo r baby thing, and we have only known each other for 3 months. though we have much imagination abour our future together, but not the right time in 2 years for him, I am afraid my health doesn’t allow me to wait him for 2 years.
Besides, our 2weeks year vocations are only 2 days in common during Feb 2021, we have tried our best to fix it, but can only make 2 days together.
If you have any suggestions for us that would be great.
Hi Haiqiao
Thanks for sharing your story, I’m so glad that our story and the comments of others can give you strength :) Planning to meet in other countries that you both can travel to is a great solution, though as you say, it’s tough for everyone with the pandemic right now and travel is constantly changing. I would recommend to video chat as much as possible as well as text, because that allows you to feel a closer connection when you can see the other person and communicating with them directly might help there be less fights for instance if something is read the wrong way over a text. The added layer of communication of being able to see how they meant something is really helpful in this sense :)
Sorry to hear about your troubles with pregnancy. That’s a decision that only you both can come to, but maybe you have a very open and honest conversation with him that if it’s not realistic for you to have a baby with him now because of the distance and the short time you’ve known each other, is he open to possible options in the future, whether that be going through IVF with you or looking at alternate methods for having a child. Both of you have to be ready and as you say, it may not be the right time for him now, though it may not be the right time for you later. So it needs some very hard thinking and careful consideration from both of you in that situation.
I hope and pray that we have overcome this pandemic so you can travel to be together come February :)
Wishing you both all the best, and sending love from Australia Xx
I did LDR with someone from Europe after we met at the Baltics. Didn’t work and LDR was so tiring. The stress of late night calls was making me lose sleep. And then, he said I was pushy. I wished I had met the right person during my travels last year but he was wrong for me from the start. Hope that there may be next time in my future travels but for now, I’m stuck in Western Australia.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Di – absolutely, some relationships are just the wrong fit, and while LDR’s can definitely work, they only work if everything aligns well. I always like to think of past relationships though as necessary experiences that put me on the track to finally finding the right one :)
We’re stuck in Tasmania at the moment, so we’re right there with you hoping that travel will resume very soon.
Thanks for reading :)
Hi Meg. Thank you for replying. There has been some changes since my last message but I’m rather conflicted about this. I’m not yet in a LDR with this person but again, he is in Europe. Time difference is not as bad as before but it’s still making me lose quality sleep. If it’s possible, I’d like to email you privately to seek guidance on my situation. I prefer not to repeat mistakes in the past, though I have to admit the experience of the first LDR has helped me a bit. You’re right in this regard.
Hi Di, you are welcome to email me at megan@mappingmegan.com :)
Hi Megan,
This is an amazing read. Thanks for sharing these great tips! I think these might help me save my sinking long-distance relationship. Looking forward to reading more of these awesome blogs :)
So glad our experiences could be helpful for you Vipin :) Wishing you both all the best :)