Anger is both a common and understandable emotion to experience after a breakup. We have written many articles about long distance relationships since we ourselves went through one for many years and just like any relationship, LDRs are not immune to breakups.

In this article, we’ll explore strategies to handle unresolved anger after a long distance relationship breakup, including identifying the root causes, physical and emotional coping mechanisms, and the importance of seeking professional help if needed.

Strategies for Handling Unresolved Anger After a Long Distance Relationship Breakup

Dealing With a Long Distance Relationship Breakup

Many challenges associated with LDRs are unique and can lead to separation, whether it’s enduring the physical distance, lack of frequent communication, trust or feelings of insecurity brought on by not being physically together, or feelings of isolation and loneliness from not seeing each other for extended periods of time.

A survey of respondents revealed that 28% of people are often bothered by the anger they feel after a breakup and 12% struggle to control their anger. While anger is a natural and healthy emotional response, it can become destructive if left unchecked. When anger dominates your daily thoughts and actions, it can negatively impact both your mental and physical health, while also hindering your emotional healing process.

Find Out Why You’re Angry

Anger is just one common stage of grief and allows many the chance to process the deep emotional pain or sense of loss cause by the breakup of a relationship. Some will look to anger as a defensive mechanism to avoid becoming more vulnerable while others simply use it as a way to express feelings of betrayal by a partner they trusted to always be there.  

Understanding the cause of your anger is the first step in being able to manage it. Several factors can lead to anger after a breakup, such as feelings of rejection, betrayal, or disrespect. And speaking from the personal experience regarding the breakdown of our own relationship, there can be a combination of these factors which allows anger to manifest.

It can be quite difficult to accept that those marital vows you exchanged with your partner proved to be conditional and those promises you made to each other were not fulfilled in the end. Relationships are never easy and are constantly being tested.

Most people go into relationships hopefully with the intention of doing everything in their power to navigate those stresses or hardships that any relationship may have to face whether it be an illness, an accident, financial strain, raising children, or dealing with issues where one partner makes a mistake such as infidelity or may pursue selfish desires over prioritising the needs of the relationship.

For some couples, a breakup may have ended abruptly, leaving many questions unanswered. This was the case in our relationship where we had managed to maintain a strongly committed bond for more than ten years which then completely unravelled in just a matter of months.

This lack of closure can increase frustration. For example, sudden breakups, unfaithfulness, or unresolved conflicts can stir up emotional tension, leaving you ruminating over “what ifs” and creating a cycle of unresolved anger.

Anger itself could also have contributed to the breakup. According to surveys, 20% of people have ended relationships because of their partner’s angry or erratic behaviour. In these cases, unresolved anger may stem from regret or guilt over actions that may have led to the end of the relationship.

Disappointment and Unfulfilled Expectations

Disappointment is another significant trigger for post-breakup anger. You may feel let down by your ex-partner for leaving, or you could be angry with yourself because you may feel as though you didn’t fight hard enough to save the relationship. Often, disappointment stems from unfulfilled expectations or dashed hopes for the future you had envisioned with your partner.

Additionally, a breakup that leaves you without true closure can fuel anger. A lack of communication, or an absence of understanding why the relationship ended, can lead to unabating frustration, as you are left with unresolved questions.

Often, as was the case in our relationship, one partner may seek and require closure to be able to move on with their life while the other partner can simply move on with ease and seemingly not make a dedicated effort to provide the closure that their ex-partner desperately needs.

Seeing your partner seemingly move on unaffected or simply to a much lesser degree than yourself can fuel anger within you from feeling as though they never truly cared for you as you did for them, or can make you feel angry at yourself for somehow thinking there is something wrong with you for continuing to struggle with moving on as quickly as your partner.

Dealing with Ex-Partners Who Remain in Your Life

After a breakup, many people experience frustration due to orbiting after a relationship. This is a rather new term that describes relationship behaviour brought on by advancements in technology. It used to be far easier to move on from an ex, as we did not have the ability to check up on an ex’s day-to-day life as we can now thanks to social media.

Orbiting is a passive way that some people use to stay connected to an ex. While you may have stopped communicating with your ex-partner much like we see when someone ghosts a partner, the internet and social media allows you to indirectly engage or stay involved in an ex’s life with or without their knowledge.  

Whether it’s hitting the like button or leaving a love heart on an ex’s Facebook post, watching their Instagram stories, or continuously eyeing their online status to see if they’ve changed their relationship status, there are many ways you can orbit an ex.

And orbiting can be especially more prevalent in long distance relationships when you consider a great deal of communication and connection that keeps an LDR together happens online and through social media, so it only makes sense that people managing the effects of a breakup from an LDR would continue to use online tools to maintain a connection or get answers from an ex to get closure or simply cope with the emotions that ensue.

Orbiting can cause confusion both for yourself or your ex-partner, as it maintains contact between the two of you but without meaningful engagement or communication. This can send mixed signals where one partner may get the perception their ex wants to works things out and get back together when in truth it may be a manipulative tactic used by a partner to maintain control over or stalk their ex.  

Of course, orbiting may not always be sinister and may just be a coping mechanism someone uses to satiate their curiosity about how their ex is doing or what they’re up to. Just because a relationship breaks down, doesn’t always mean that all those strong feelings such as love and devotion simply vanish overnight.

In many cases, you may generally wish to know the person you once loved more than anything is doing well or at the very least want to get updates on their life since you may have invested many years into their life, their family, and their affairs before breaking up.

If it becomes clear that getting back together isn’t an option, and maintaining a constant association or engagement with an ex online is fuelling your anger, it may be helpful to block them on social media.

Blocking accounts both prevents them from contacting and engaging with your social media accounts and keeps their profile out of sight and out of mind for yourself so you are not tempted to browse their posts or interact with their social media accounts. Doing so may give you the emotional space needed to heal and focus on yourself, rather than constantly being reminded of the relationship you once had.

Anger over Not Wanting to Date Again

The thought of dating again after a breakup can be overwhelming. Many people feel frustrated by the prospect of starting over in the dating world. A survey by SurveyMonkey found that 56% of adults thought dating apps were somewhat or very negative, with 59% of women and 55% of men agreeing.

The idea of engaging in random conversations, setting up dates, and presenting your best self again can feel discouraging, especially when you’re not emotionally ready. If the breakup of a relationship was one-sided where one partner still truly loves their partner and did not wish for the relationship to end, the thought of browsing dating profiles and swiping right can seem as though you are still somehow betraying or cheating on your ex-partner despite the reality that your relationship may be over.

Breakups can be tricky for people who strongly desire to be in a committed loving relationship and not desire diving back into or embracing a solo existence. If this is you, it can be common to feel anger at your ex for feeling as though their choice to walk away from the relationship has now forced you into a position to have to literally dive back into the dating world or risk being alone. Making things even more challenging may be the fact you haven’t yet relinquished your feelings for your ex.

In such cases, you may feel as though you are being forced to rush into a new relationship simply to fulfil that desire or need for a partner that you once had possibly for many years, a person who provided you with both emotional and financial security. This can lead to rushed dating decisions which may result in selecting a new partner that may not fully align with your values or life path simply because the alternative of being alone is scarier than taking the time to seek out a true soul mate or ideal match for yourself.    

If the thought of dating again is contributing to your anger, it’s perfectly okay to take a break from dating until you get the closure needed to be able to devote your time, emotional energy, and love into another person again.

Allow yourself the time to heal before jumping back into the dating pool so you don’t end up falling into a new relationship that is doomed from the start or destructive to yourself. Healing first will help you feel more confident when the time comes and allow you to choose a partner that is truly right for you.

Releasing Your Anger Physically

Releasing your anger in a physical way can be a healthy and effective way to deal with frustration or hurt after a relationship breakup. And no, we don’t mean resorting to using fists or violence rather looking to physical outlets like sports and exercise which can help channel intense emotions like anger. Unreleased anger can otherwise be internalised or lead to unhealthy behaviours like drinking or drug usage as a way to numb the feelings of hurt or betrayal.

Physical activities are an effective way to release pent-up anger and may include things like running, yoga, joining a local sports team, hitting a punching bag at the gym, or even screaming into a pillow for that matter. Whatever you choose, physical activity can help dissipate all the stress and tension that anger often creates.

A 2024 report found that 56% of people look to yoga or meditation to reduce stress. Incorporating stress-reducing activities like yoga into your daily routine can help you manage your emotions like anger during this difficult time.

Exercise and many physical activities help to release endorphins, which can elevate your mood and reduce feelings of sadness or frustration that often lead to anger. By giving your anger a controlled and healthy outlet, you reduce the risk of lashing out at others or engaging in destructive behaviours whether directed at yourself or others.

The goal is to channel emotions in a way that promotes your healing and mental well-being, so as to avoid allowing your anger to overcome you which can lead to self-harm or potential destruction of objects and property.

Talking About Your Anger

Talking about your feelings is a key component of healing from anger after a breakup. However, friends and family might not always be the best source of support and can often prove to be more harmful than helpful. Sometimes, family and friends may hesitate to offer objective advice, fearing it could upset you further.

They may also simply not want to get involved because they wish to remain neutral in the situation despite whether there may have been a greater amount of fault attributed to one party of the relationship. It can be especially tricky navigating speaking with in-laws, as they may still care about you but may feel as though they owe a greater sense of loyalty to their child or sibling for example.

With that said, talking with loved ones can give you instant emotional support when you’re feeling vulnerable and can provide comfort, empathy, and a sense of belonging which can all be reassuring during a breakup.

Family helps remind you that you’re not alone and that you have support during this difficult period of a relationship breakup. Those close to you may have gone through similar breakups and can offer relatable advice, which can help normalise what you’re feeling. And because they may know you and your ex-partner well, they may be able to offer more personalised advice based on their deep understanding of you and your relationship

Things can be rather tricky when it comes to getting family support when it comes to couples in a long distance relationship even after they managed to bridge the distance and now live in one location together.

Making a long distance relationship work often requires one person to have to possibly move far away from the support network of their family and friends to be with their partner fulltime who may live in another state or possibly even another country on the other side of the world. This may leave one partner with adequate family support after a relationship breakup while the partner that relocated is left without easy physical access to such support.

With that said, you may wish to seek outside professional help, especially in instances where you may not have readily accessible support from family and friends or as in long distance relationships where you may not have been able to make a connection with in-laws or your partner’s friendship circle for extended support.

Statistics actually show that 13% of people who struggle to control their anger have sought help from professional therapists, counsellors, or other health professionals. Professional guidance offers an unbiased perspective, which can help you gain insight into your emotions and provide tools for processing anger in a constructive way.

This non-judgmental space where you can express your anger without worrying about straining personal relationships can allow you to feel more comfortable opening up about the feelings you are dealing with.

You may be unaware of deeper issues such as feelings of low self-worth or unresolved trauma, whether caused or brought on by your ex-partner or from your personal past, which can be more easily recognised through professional help. A professional therapist or counsellor may be able to better guide you through these deeper layers in a safe and therapeutic way.

A combination of relying on both family and professional help may be the most effective path. Family and friends can again provide the immediate emotional support that helps you feel connected and comforted, while professional help can offer deeper healing, coping strategies, and a path for long-term emotional growth after a relationship breakup.

Managing Your Anger Triggers and Take Control

Recognising and managing your triggers can help you feel more in control of your anger. Are there specific words, situations, or memories that set you off? By identifying these triggers, you can begin to avoid unnecessary conflicts and emotional outbursts.

If seeing or hearing about your ex causes anger, you can again start by blocking them on social media and politely asking friends and family to avoid talking about your ex-partner until you find ways to manage your anger or hurt.

Other triggers may include seeing physical objects or visiting places that may remind you of the time you and your ex shared. These may include positive objects, places, or things like wedding rings, photos, songs, or you and your ex’s favourite restaurant, or it may include objects or places where you endured trauma while in a relationship with your ex-partner.

Taking small steps toward emotional control, such as practicing mindfulness or deep breathing techniques, can help manage anger. Focusing on the present moment rather than dwelling on past trauma or pain allows you to heal more effectively and move toward a place of emotional stability.

Practicing self-compassion and remembering that the breakup doesn’t define your worth can also aid healing. Focus on your own journey and never compare your path or speed of healing to someone else’s.

Simply focus on controlling what you can, which includes how you choose to react, what you do to heal, and the path forward you set for yourself. You need to begin to set yourself personal goals and look out for your own well-being, while also ensuring that your ex-partner who you once shared a life with and loved is given an equal chance to heal and move on, especially if neither was at fault for the breakdown of the relationship.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with unresolved anger after a breakup is an essential step toward emotional recovery. By understanding the root causes of your anger, whether it stems from disappointment, unanswered questions, or lingering social media connections, there are proactive steps you can take to help better manage your emotions.

Releasing anger through physical activity, seeking professional help, and identifying your emotional triggers are key strategies for healing. Remember, while anger is a natural response, it doesn’t have to define your post-breakup journey. With the right tools, you can overcome anger and move forward with emotional strength and clarity.

And while relationships may become irreparable and fall apart, you do still have a responsibility to ensure the health and well-being of both parties post-breakup. A relationship, especially those that have lasted many years, is not something you can simply just walk away from in haste, nor should you want to unless there are serious concerns for your safety such as in an abusive relationship whether that abuse is directed at you or at children you may share together.

At the very least, you have the moral responsibility and should desire a quality life for each other despite the fact it will no longer be with each other.  If both you and your once partner make a concerted effort to ensure there is closure that meets the needs of both parties and ensures the well-being of each other after going your separate ways, you can often avoid feelings of anger that can otherwise linger for many months or years.